Old El Paso Stand ‘N’ Stuff Tortillas — shaped like oblong bowls — are tortillas for people who can’t manage the folding and/or rolling demanded by traditional tortilla applications. While we ❤️ Danny Trejo and can’t fault him for wanting to make an honest buck, we have to ask, “Who eats this crap?” PRO TIP: Machete don’t cook.
Chicharrones are off limits for traditional Jews — pork is not kosher. But that doesn’t mean hungry Judios have to go through life without delicious fried cracklings of their own — they chow down on a crispy fried chicken skin preparation called gribeñes.
Is the feber ju get from watching the World Cups and being so mad at the referees and Holland and wonder who put brujeria on Brazil, that ju want to hit the telebision with a cuchara from the kishen. But I watch the games anyways.
The only gway I can watch the games now is to drink some micheladas to make me want to hit the telebision less times. So today I tell ju how to make chilaquiles to go with the beers that ju need in order to watch the games of the third place and the finals this week.
First the ingrediens:
- Tortillas (the more estale the better, like the U.S. defense except for Howard’s)
- Corn oil (slippery oil like the FIFA)
Nachos are exotic foreign fare in Merrye Olde Inglaterra, so you need someone to explain how they work. We think “trash food” is British for “junk food,” but these people also call cookies “biscuits” so who knows what they mean.
Anyhow, our Limey expert’s first step to acceptable nacho eating is the purchase of Doritos. Ruh roh.
The wreck of slave-trader and hopelessly-lost “explorer” Christopher Columbus’ Santa Maria flagship has been found off the coast of Haiti, according to reports.
The ship’s five-century-old cannon was looted but archaeologists are excited by eight unusual items they were able to retrieve from the ship, the Pocho Ocho weirdest items found on the Santa Maria:
8. Antique syphilis specially imported into the Western Hemisphere by his crew
7. The most extensive collection of 15th-century porn ever found outside the Vatican Library
6. A Ferdinand and Isabella “after sex selfie” oil painting
PREVIOUSLY ON GMO CORN:
In Texas, when my parents were still married, we ate fried chicken, mashed potatoes laden with cream gravy, green beans flavored with bits of bacon and buttery light biscuits. Every item on the menu had its own serving dish, and cloth napkins were always used.
“May I have another biscuit, ma’am?” I would say.
“You surely may, Sandra Mae,” my daddy’s mama would reply and everyone would smile. Or we’d have fried pork chops and suck on the salty bones, but only when it was just my mama and me at the dinner table.
In Texas, there were black-eyed peas and ham and all manner of greens and put-up preserves. There was watermelon and homemade ice cream from the hand-crank ice-cream maker. Daddy held a bourbon and water in one hand, and turned the handle with the other, while Mama and my daddy’s mama drank iced tea on the back porch and exchanged polite insults. My grandma didn’t like it that Daddy had married a Mexican.
Some, like POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano, say it started with Tapatio-flavored Fritos, Doritos, and Ruffles.
Others trace the flavor reconquista to Starbucks’ testing out nopal-flavored espresso drinks in East Los Angeles. But know this: The national introduction of Tapatio-flavored Lays potato chips next week is only the beginning.
Flavoristas say you should look out for these Pocho Ocho Mexican-flavored products in the near future:
8. Horchata-flavored Jaegermeister: Hormeister!
7. Tres Flores presents serrano-chile-flavored bigote wax — sabor picante is just a lick away
6. Chia Coke