Back from the dead and running for Congress, it’s Cesar Chavez!

by Santino J. Rivera on June 3, 2014 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

newchavez(PNS reporting from TUCSON) Cesar Chavez — noted American farm worker, labor leader and civil rights activist — is back from the dead and running for the congressional seat being vacated by retiring Rep. Ed Pastor (D-AZ).

“I will do just about anything to win in Arizona’s heavily Hispanic 7th Congressional District,” Chavez said in a press release, “including rising from the grave if that’s what it takes.”

A Chavez spokesman said the newly-registered Democratic candidate (until recently a two-time Republican loser) had been “flooded with calls” and was no longer speaking to the press, but if he did decide to answer questions, he would not discuss how he came back from the dead or what the afterlife is like.

“There is just simply not enough Cesar Chavez to go around,” a written statement claimed. “I may resume questions after I’ve had something to eat. Does anyone have any chilled brains?”

The news threw the Arizona GOP into an angry frenzy, with Senator John McCain vowing to never allow Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to “destory, repave and unspoil Arizona” with “his filthy, filthy socialism.”

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Governor Jan Brewja declined public comment, but an aide noted that the officials, who are sharing a cozy beach vacay at Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s San Diego oceanfront home, were also dead, or at least brain dead, before it was fashionable.

In Florida, freshly renamed (and new Democratic candidate for state legislator) Abe Lincoln, the child killer formerly known as George Zimmerman, was confident of his prospects in a predominantly African-American district. “Fourscore and seven years ago, voters be like stupid and shit,” he said.

 

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