Sequester-released immigrants head to D.C. to fix the budget

by María Purísima on March 1, 2013 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) Scores of immigrants released due to sequester-forced budget cuts are headed to the nation’s capital to fill gaps in the labor pool, PNS has learned.

Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) began releasing low priority immigrants from detention centers in New Jersey, Louisiana, California, Texas and Florida earlier this week.

After the immigrants were released, PNS got reports that congressional staffers were driving past detention centers trying to pick up the immigrants for jobs in Washington.

“Immigrants are, once again, doing the job that no one else can do: balancing the budget,” said Manuel Padilla, who was released from a detention center in New Jersey Monday. “About 40 of us came from Jersey, in the back of three pickups!”

Padilla said congressional staffers promised him at least a weeks’ worth of labor in the nation’s capital to help stave off the sequester and end the standoff in D.C.

“They told us to be here at 9 AM, but most of us got here around 7 AM, tu sabes, to get an early start,” Padilla told PNS.

“By the time 5 o’clock rolled around, we had gotten ahead on our work and the staffers were pretty impressed — they said they might need help with other legislative issues once we were done with sequestration.”

Congressional sources told PNS the immigrants have been a God-send.

They are much harder workers than regular Congressmen, was the assessment, and they work for less than half the price. At this rate, sources said, immigrants could solve the rest of the nation’s problems — including immigration reform.

Immigrants outside the White House by Ramiro Gomez

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

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{ 3 comments }

Shanna Carson March 1, 2013 at 4:36 PM

We need a freeze of governement expenses. We should only maintain essential spending. After all, if it’s not absolutely necessary, why are we spending money on it? Our children are getting further in debt before they are even born…

Vern March 1, 2013 at 10:26 PM

Shanna: You should definately continue your education. You now understand about 5% of the issue. If only things were as simple as you outline. The key lies in the other 95% of the issue. I’m wondering how old you are. My guess is 14 or 15.

Minuto Man March 2, 2013 at 5:35 AM

If we freeze two illegal wars and end Bush tax cuts for the super-rich, the budget the will be much easier to balance.

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