Coyote says new crop of ‘Cuban’ migrants are Mexicans

"What we do es put them on a boat or a raft"

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) The new wave of so-called “Cuban” immigrants washing up on the shores of the Sunshine State are really Mexicanos in disguise, at least according to one coyote.

In an exclusive interview with PNS, people smuggler Chivo Rodriguez says the scheme is already an open secret in Mexico and it’s only a matter of time before the whole country is singing Guantanamera!

PNS: Chivo, thanks for talking with us. How are you getting people into the country and how many are there?

Chivo: Es my pleasure. Well you know, es not easy but what we do es put them on a boat or a raft. If they can make it to la Florida, they’re good! That’s all it estakes.

PNS: How many of them are there?

Chivo: There’s a sheeetload of them! Pues, there’s boats leaving every 30 minutes! Hey, are you paying me my feria now or later…?

PNS: Aren’t they deported once they make it to Florida?

Chivo: Chale! No, see, all they have to do es make it here and then when the puercos ask them where they’re from all they have to say es that they’re Cubano! Oralé! USA-USA-USA!

PNS: I’m not sure I understand…

Chivo: Como no? See, in los United Estates, if a Cubano makes it to dry land, la migra has to let them go! I mean, es muy dangerous y todo, with los tiburones y los oil spills y drunk gringos on los jet skis…but es worth it! Especially for me! Ajua!

PNS: …

Chivo: Serio, Pocho!  All these people have to do es make it to dry land and say: ‘Soy Cubano’ and they can’t touch them! If la migra finds out you’re Mexican – pues, they’ll ship your ass back to Guadalajara faster than you can say ‘wet foot, dry foot,’ me entinedes? That’s why I’m sending my people with pictures of Fidel, black beans y muchos cigarros. Absolutamente no sombreros or colorful blankets – es a dead giveaway.


S. J. Rivera is an Indie Publisher/Author @ Broken Sword Publications

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of the Pocho Corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

Boat people photo by Niklas-B.