(PNS reporting from IOWA CITY) Brian Peterson said he started out last Friday night like any other night — catching up on his favorite telenovela so he could improve his Spanish language skills.
But this episode of El Amor No Muere was different.
“After three months of pretending like they could be just friends, Gabriela and Domingo were finally going to get together! But instead of just kissing, they ended up, well, more compromised,” Peterson told PNS. “That’s when it happened.”
HVAC specialist Peterson had watched telenovelas purely for their educational value. He wanted to learn, in his words, “how people truly and actually live” in Mexico.
Señora Hall, his old Regina High Spanish teacher who studied Spanish in Spain, once told him many students swore by telenoevelas for their educational value, and he remembered her advice when he was trying to understand what some Spanish-speaking coworkers were trying to tell him.
“I understood tech words in Spanish like ‘hot’ and ‘cold’,” he told PNS, “but I wanted to learn the nuances of Español. That’s why I started watch the shows on Spanish TV.”
Friday night, all of a sudden, without warning, Peterson noticed Gabriela Spanic’s ample cleavage and low-cut blouses for the first time.
“It was like a light went off,” he said. “I mean, here I was focusing on the language, when I realized that literally every female character on the show — even the maid — is practically spilling out of her clothes!”
Ever since, Peterson says, telenovelas are ruined for him.
No longer can he learn cultural values such as walking around offices without actually doing any work or screaming hysterically at each other in lieu of conversation, because he says he’s too fixated on the breasts.
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MR. POCHO SAYS ¡GRACIAS!
“I used to watch telenovelas for the zeitgeist, the milieu, but now I watch them for the boobs,” he sheepishly admitted to PNS.
Peterson said his fascination with Latina cleavage has inspired him to plan a spring break in Cancún next year, since he’s sure that both telenovelas and spring break footage are accurate representations of authentic Mexican culture.
“Mexico must be an amazing country, and I want to see it all,” he said.