Now that UNIVISION has become a part owner of The Onion, our media analysts have compiled the Pocho Ocho top changes you can expect from the new corporation:
8. Daily stories tagged #TelemundoFail
7. Don Francisco’s triumphant return to TV as Area Man
6. Univision closes failing millennial-oriented website The Cilantro
We just found out about this project, which The Federalist explained over the summer:
Businesswoman Clara Del Villar [photo, right] wants to help the GOP. A Dominican-American, Del Villar has watched conservatives and libertarians repeatedly fail to connect with Latinos. She believes it’s time for a more creative approach.
Toward that end, Del Villar has filmed 12 Webisodes of Familia Con Fuego, or Family With Fire, a new pro-free-market telenovela about the Flores family.
Here is a listicle partially inspired by a mas longer listicle on BuzzFeed, because they are the listicle professionals, tu sabes.
¡Mira! The Pocho Ocho signs you grew up in a Mexican household/family:
8. Virgen de Guadalupe veladoras.
7. Your first introduction to dramatic acting was a telenovela.
6. You always wondered why gringos celebrated Cinco de Mayo more than your family.
5. You can recognize the Aztec princess Iztaccihuatl AND the warrior Popocateptl (photo) on sight.
Student film? Bad Accent Video Theatre? Whatever! El Amor de Mi Amante is mini-telenovela brought to you by Taco Bell and this year’s hottest new fragrance — Twist!
PREVIOUSLY ON BAD SPANISH ACCENT VIDEO THEATRE:
When Hell is full, the dead will walk the earth — ¡Los Walking Dead! — on Univsion!
(PNS reporting from IOWA CITY) Brian Peterson said he started out last Friday night like any other night — catching up on his favorite telenovela so he could improve his Spanish language skills.
But this episode of El Amor No Muere was different.
“After three months of pretending like they could be just friends, Gabriela and Domingo were finally going to get together! But instead of just kissing, they ended up, well, more compromised,” Peterson told PNS. “That’s when it happened.”
HVAC specialist Peterson had watched telenovelas purely for their educational value. He wanted to learn, in his words, “how people truly and actually live” in Mexico.
Señora Hall, his old Regina High Spanish teacher who studied Spanish in Spain, once told him many students swore by telenoevelas for their educational value, and he remembered her advice when he was trying to understand what some Spanish-speaking coworkers were trying to tell him.
“I understood tech words in Spanish like ‘hot’ and ‘cold’,” he told PNS, “but I wanted to learn the nuances of Español. That’s why I started watch the shows on Spanish TV.”
Friday night, all of a sudden, without warning, Peterson noticed Gabriela Spanic’s ample cleavage and low-cut blouses for the first time.
I recently read the hilariously snarky book, Confessions of a Scary Mommy by Jill Smokler, and all those confessions from real moms has inspired me to do the same.
- I only get “Latina” when I’m drunk or angry and it’s not pretty.
- My drink of choice is tequila, not the Skinny Girl stuff but real Patron Silver.
- Sometimes I Google anger management groups in my area but then I get so pissed off with our slow Internet connection that I forget all about my anger.
- When I catch a cold I literally sweat it out by dancing to Ricky Martin in my living room.
- I don’t know if I want any more kids. I can’t afford to go up another bra size.
Eliot Chang just loves Spanish-language TV. Comic Yamil (“I’m Hispanic”) Piedra dislikes the very same shows, doesn’t think the comedies are funny, hates the dubbing and thinks the Spanish voices sound like they were recorded on the toilet. YMMV.
Of course he sings in Spanish! The movie is IN Spanish! Wikipedia:
Casa de Mi Padre (English: My Father’s House) is an upcoming Spanish-language American comedy film. The film stars Will Ferrell, Gael García Bernal, Diego Luna and Génesis Rodríguez with Matt Piedmont directing a screenplay written by Andrew Steele. The film has been described to be in the style of an “overly dramatic telenovela” and tells the story of Armando Alvarez, who must save his father’s ranch from a powerful drug lord. Casa de Mi Padre is set for release next week.
Here’s the trailer: