Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions

The political conventions are finally over and the poll results are in: Latinos don’t really care.

How can this be!? The Democrats saw the GOP’s Rubio and raised them two Castros!

To help our political friends understand, here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Latino voters were not turned on by the conventions:

8. No piñatas crafted in the opponent’s likeness.

7. No sophisticated flamenco dance numbers performed by kindergarteners.

6. No midgets.

5. Too many fitted blazers, not enough cleavage.

4. No predictions or bendiciones from Walter Mercado.

3. No parked cars blasting Bachata.

2. No fútbol references.

And the numbero uno reason we are not impressed by your little shó…

A severe lack of mustaches. How else will we know who’s evil?

However, it’s not too late to lure us in. Your best bet is to stage a serious, hard-hitting political debate held entirely by six-year-olds. Just remember: less confetti more cuchifrito.