PNS*Hot*Flash: Sheriff Joe has fallen and he can’t get up

(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has fallen and he can’t get up. The 80-year old remains in St. Joseph’s Hospital after falling and breaking his left shoulder on the way to lunch.

Doctors say they can fix him up better than ever:

Joe Arpaio, racist cop. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world’s first bionic bigot. Joe Arpaio will be that man. More racist than he was before. Hateful, senile, old.

Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Sheriff Joe has fallen and he can’t get up

Pocho Ocho things to charge on your new Sheriff Joe MasterCard

Que lastima!

Someone estole Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s identity and used his name to purchase groceries in Chicago. The Maricopa, AZ sheriff, unlike the pochodores here in the POCHO ñewsroom, was not amused.

We have a lot of things we’d like to purchase with Sheriff Joe’s moneh, and here are the top eight:

8. Taco USA by POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano
7. ¡Ban This! by POCHO Florida Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera
6. 2013 Good Luck Cartoon Calendar by POCHO Jefe Lalo Alcaraz

Mas…Pocho Ocho things to charge on your new Sheriff Joe MasterCard

Arpaio busts dangerous 10-year-old (with Steven Seagal’s help)

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The 10-year-old at Frank Elementary School in Guadalupe who got arrested Tuesday learned a valuable lesson about Sheriff Joe Arpaio and celebrity deputy Steven Seagal:

Don’t fuck with them.

According to the sheriff’s office, the boy had planned to beat one of his classmates at the Maricopa County school with a Wiffle Ball® bat but ended up on the wrong end of Steven Seagal’s sealskin boots instead.

Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office detectives were called to the elementary school by officials who were learned of the plot and found the student in possession of a tattered Wiffle Ball® bat.

Mas…Arpaio busts dangerous 10-year-old (with Steven Seagal’s help)

Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives

Hey, pochos, it’s 2013 and it looks like we’re in for more of the same old same old from our regular cast of characters!

Thrill as  Sheriff Joe Arpaio returns in a Brand New Hate-Fest for the New Year!

Hold on to your seats as Still-Not-Dead-Yet Commie Super-Hero Hugo Chavez returns to reprise two of his greatest hits!

Smirk and snicker as CNN talking head Ruben Navarrette, Jr., who graduated from Harvard in case you didn’t know, tells those lazy DREAMers to sit up straight and quit talking or HE’S GOING TO STOP THE CAR and come back there.  Dr. Rudy Acuña sets him straight.

These were the stories that broke the ñews on POCHO in the first week of 2013:

Mas…Ñewsweek: DREAMers dream, Arpaio hates, Hugo Chavez lives

Arpaio plans massive ‘Operation Rosca’ to find Tres Reyes gang

(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has begun Operation Rosca, a massive sweep designed to cripple the Tres Reyes smuggling cartel — the Three Kings. The cartel smuggles babies in bread and traffics in incense and precious metals, according to “America’s toughest sheriff.”

Arapio became aware of the cartel, which “came from the east,” when concerned citizens flooded his office with calls about “Middle-Eastern-looking men smelling of incense” walking westward on McDowell Road in Phoenix’ Bethlehem neighborhood. Locals reported that they asked where the Latino barrio was located, which “aroused suspicious about their status.”

Mas…Arpaio plans massive ‘Operation Rosca’ to find Tres Reyes gang

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s new plan: Arm AZ kids with grenade launchers

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) Last week, Arizona Attorney General Tom Horne proposed putting a gun in the hands of at least one kindergartner in every school and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is running with the idea.

“America’s toughest sheriff” wants a grenade launcher for every student.

According to Sheriff Joe, after he puts armed posse members near schools, he will focus on arming every student with a personalized grenade launcher to “blow the living shit out of anything that even looks suspicious…like Mexicans.”

Mas…Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s new plan: Arm AZ kids with grenade launchers

Top Pendejos of 2012: AZ’s Gov. Jan Brewer and Sheriff Joe Arpaio

We tried to pick just one Top Pendejo of 2012 but we ended up with two, both from the Hate State of Arizona: Gov. Jan Brewja and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

The witchy woman has taken every opportunity to lie, defame, harass and impede President Obama, Mexican-American Arizonans, a woman’s right to choose, Dreamers’ rights, students’ education, a minimum level of health care for constituents, and, to keep things current, she has an A+ Rating from the NRA merchants of death.

Pigasus Joe, who only missed being thrown out of office by a slim margin in the recent Maricopa County elections, just made headlines again by vowing to parade female DUI convicts in public chain gangs. His racist enforcement of the remaining provisions of AZ SB1070 has made him particularly abhorrent to those who fight for equality and justice.

So these two pendejos will share the ignominy of our Top Pendejos of 2012 award, and here are the reasons why:

Mas…Top Pendejos of 2012: AZ’s Gov. Jan Brewer and Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Pocho Ocho Cyber Lunes gift tips are just a clika guey

As long as the boss isn’t looking, today is the day when pochos all over America go holiday gift shopping on the Internets. If you’re not shopping at Lalo Alcaraz’s place, these Pocho Ocho gift tips (with links) will turn your Cyber Lunes from Mission Impossible to Cyber Espace Mission Accomplished:

8. Santa’s Helpers are cool, sure, but so last year! Nalgas Helpers are bringing sexy back (and backs) with their American-made line of butt thong bar stools. When the clear view is the rear view, click on over to order the furniture that will make your family room the “Best of Barrio” for 2012!

Mas…Pocho Ocho Cyber Lunes gift tips are just a clika guey

Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon

(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Arizona’s toughest sheriff, Joe Arpaio, might soon be known as Arizona’s fiercest sheriff. Arpaio is gearing up for what he expects will be the toughest of his five re-election campaigns and he is pulling out all the stops this time by revealing his alter ego, “KoKo.”

No stranger to controversy, Arpaio is facing a determined effort from immigration rights activists and the Justice Department to push him out of office but says that “KoKo” will give him the edge this time in fending off his enemies.

A ruling in a lawsuit that alleges his department violated the civil rights of Latinos is expected any day now but Arpaio says that he will weather the storm with “swag and style” the likes of which Maricopa County has never witnessed.

Mas…Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon

Xican@ Space Odyssey: Lance Liberty reports for 101.3 Honest Radio

It is sometime in the near future.

Laws have been set in motion to protect the American Homeland. Your freedom and sanity are at stake. Oh, and your jobs.

I forgot about your jobs. And your beautifully domesticated wives and children. You pay your taxes, yet you feel one-upped. Lied to. I know. I have a mortgage and a timeshare I haven’t paid in months. Meanwhile our lazy neighbors to the south consume our resources. But there’s no need to fear. No longer do we have to sit in Victoria’s Secret as our wives are gawked at by gang-banging border hoppers. No. Victoria is just beyond the horizon. And one man risks it all in his comfy radio studio located somewhere in the Arizona desert.

That man is Lance Liberty for 101.3 Honest Radio. Take it away, Lance…

Mas…Xican@ Space Odyssey: Lance Liberty reports for 101.3 Honest Radio

Ñewsweek: Lopez vs Arpaio, ‘Dark Knight’ toon and Comic-Con pics

It was the best of ñewsweeks, it was the worst of ñewsweeks. It was a week of wisdom, it was a week of foolishness.

  • The Best: On HBO, George Lopez told Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio WTF he really thinks of him and the offended officer challenged the comic to a face-to-face discussion of the issues.
  • The Worst: The Aurora shooting raised a bat signal for gun control.

We’ve got the uncensored Lopez/Arpaio videos, the Lalo Alcaraz ‘Dark Knight’ cartoon that went viral and Comic-Con photos you won’t see anywhere else.

But wait, there’s more!

Mas…Ñewsweek: Lopez vs Arpaio, ‘Dark Knight’ toon and Comic-Con pics

Andy Griffith, ‘America’s Sheriff’ dies, AZ Sheriff Arpaio tragically lives

Beloved acting legend Andy Griffith, known for his starring role as the sheriff on The Andy Griffith Show and later on the long-running series Matlock, died Tuesday and was buried yesterday in North Carolina. Tragically, Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio is still clinging to life.

Bill Douters of the Dare County, NC Coroner’s Office confirmed the 86-year-old’s death:

God has taken Andy Griffith, one of our most beloved actors, and residents, but yet He spared the brutal and racist animal Sheriff Joe Arpaio?

The Sheriff of Maricopa County, AZ, Arpaio is 80 years old, and is, sadly, in good health.

Mas…Andy Griffith, ‘America’s Sheriff’ dies, AZ Sheriff Arpaio tragically lives

Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio launches own tequila brand

(PNS reporting from BOCADECACA, AZ) Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arapio is launching his own brand of tequila, Arpaio Viejo, he told random diners at Gallego’s Mexican Cafe here yesterday.

“I demand high standards for my office and my tequila,” Arpaio told the restaurant full of retirees from states that aren’t Arizona. “I was dissatisfied with the other options on the market, and at my favorite Mexican restaurant, so I decided to create my own.”

Arpaio’s brand will offer the traditional tequila styles of  añejo, plata, and reposado — but that’s not all.

“Later in the year we introduce my super-premium line, called Arpaio Viejo 1070, aged 10 years in mesquite wood barrels in the desert, and then wrapped in pink chonies for seven more years of additional tempering.  You know it’s ready to drink when you pull the cork and instead of breathing, it whimpers.” Arpaio said.

Mas…Arizona’s Sheriff Joe Arpaio launches own tequila brand

Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM

Happy End of Slavery Day. Enjoy your new shackles!

Arizona’s notorious Sheriff Joe Arpaio tried to save his flailing career with an arrest of a six-year-old cartel leader, GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney totally tripped over his tootsies again, the Nutmeg State joined the future for lonche with the approval of Medical Menudo (MM),  Adidas stepped in it big time with their slavery-themed sneakers and Facebook gave everyone a new finger.

These POCHO stories broke the news this week. We’ve got the links and more:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Joe vs girl, Mitt vs you, Adidas steps in it, CT OKs MM

Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho unsolved mysteries

Now that  Sheriff Joe Arpaio has evidence there’s something uppity with Pres. Barack Obama’s birth certificate, what’s next on his unsolved mysteries list?

8.  Star Trek crewmen in red shirts who die early in the episode are also wearing pink chonies, but the Liberal Hollywood Establishment covers this up.

7. Every time you install a solar energy panel, a Texas oilman dies.

6.  Wonder Bread actually builds bodies in 11 different ways but they won’t tell you that because those people want you to eat bread with stuff in it, like grains.

Mas…Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho unsolved mysteries

Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio

On Sunday, newsman Jorge Ramos confronted Sheriff Joe Arpaio on Univision’s Al Punto and told Joe he was the face of racism to U.S. Latinos.

The much-maligned Maricopa County cop wouldn’t have any of that. “How do you know they don’t like me?” he asked. “They love me!”

It’s really true, because we found a lot of Latino love for Sheriff Joe Arpaio everywhere we asked.

Mas…Meet the Latinos who love Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012

8. Anchor baby (noun) – Wait- this is an anti-Latino slur? FAIL. Seriously, this just makes us picture an infant so cute and fat we could use it for a boat anchor. Just chuck it in – kerPLOP! – you can drift and chug Coronas all afternoon. Do better, wingnuts.

7.  Arpaio (proper noun) – Actually, we’d just like to banish this one from the government payroll, strip it down to its pink underwear and let it play where’s-the-soap for 99 to life.

Mas…Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012

The Week in Ñews: Iowa analysis, death by chihuahua, looking ‘Mexican’

By Julio Salgado

Hatred of the poor edged out racism and homophobia in the Iowa GOP caucuses, a Fresno man was mauled by chihuahuas and died of shame, and the attempt to repeal the California Dream Act failed when the referendum’s backer (photo, right) couldn’t score enough racist jerkwad signatures to get their scheme placed on the ballot.

For these Pochostan stories and more, click here:

Mas…The Week in Ñews: Iowa analysis, death by chihuahua, looking ‘Mexican’

Razaphobic AZ judge just says ‘nein’ to Mexican-American Studies

Arizona has made it illegal to be brown in their state, now that a judge has ruled that it is illegal to think brown.

Tucson Unified School District’s Mexican-American Studies Department has lost an appeal before a Razaphobic judge and faces the complete dismantling of their academic program. Mexican-American Studies educates brown and non-brown children, but the main problem to Superintendent John Huppenthal is that brown children come out smarter and empowered after taking MAS courses.

Arizona state school officials violate the educational rights of brown children while Sheriff Joe Arpaio allows the violation of brown children.

Cue the banjos!