Pocho Ocho Top Signs Your Mexican Restaurant Is Too Authentic

From Topeka to Tallahassee, Denver to Danvers, America suffers the scourge of inauthentic Mexican food.

Twitter has outed the worst offenders, sure, but equally troubling is the oft-neglected emergence of Mexican restaurants that are TOO authentic.

How will you know when you’ve entered the danger zone? You’re about to find out.

Here are the Pocho Ocho top signs your Mexican restaurant is too pinche authentic:

8. There’s a drunk man standing outside the restroom charging you for toilet paper.

7. The horchata is room temperature.

6. They don’t have change for your $20.

Mas…Pocho Ocho Top Signs Your Mexican Restaurant Is Too Authentic

Where have all the brown folks gone? I’m In love with ‘Coco’ that is

Where have all the brown folks gone?

I sit at a bar and I count how many are like me, I count two in a room of 30, one is a bar back Latinx and one is an African American bartender, I’ve done this since I realized that I am the other, and I need to find allies quick, in case shit goes down, in case there’s a race war

I order thai food from a food truck and the señor making the food could be my primo, while the Asian owner takes my order

Mas…Where have all the brown folks gone? I’m In love with ‘Coco’ that is

Breaking: Taco Bell unveils new Rick Bayless-inspired burritos

bigbeefycrunch(PNS reporting from ALAMEDA) If the Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell are not satisfying your diarrheal needs, don’t worry!

The chain is introducing a chef Rick Bayless-inspired burrito that features Flamin’ Hot Fritos corn chips as a summer-only item until early August.

The burrito, which will retail for 99 cents, has rice, warm nacho cheese, beef, sour cream, and Flamin’ Hot Fritos corn chips cultivated by Bayless himself, deep in the villages of Oaxaca.

Mas…Breaking: Taco Bell unveils new Rick Bayless-inspired burritos

Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

God bless America, and the moo-shu pork burrito

This guy Juan Faura is all pissed off because burritos aren’t just the way he wants them to be anymore. Now they have icky stuff in them. Breakfast stuff sometimes. Bleu cheese even. The Horror!

Bleu cheese and chikken (yes with two Ks) with thyme “burrito” really?  Burrito?  What is going on?  I’ll tell you what’s going on, someone has come in the dead of night and quietly, with full knowledge and malice, abducted our beloved “burrito”.

Definitions can be either prescriptive or descriptive. You can prescribe that a puro pizza must be made with tomato, basil and cheese only, or it isn’t really a pizza. Or describe that in wacky Califas, we have Thai barbecued chicken pizzas, and carnitas picsa and Oh! there’s The Horror again.

People are always trying to keep things “pure.” In Spain, the Royal Academy wants to regulate Spanish. Words they don’t like — new words, loan words, Spanglish words that are actually spoken — are forbidden. They fight a losing battle, because the only constant in language is change, despite the king and his court.

This mad delusion is everywhere. In poor, flooded Bangla Desh, they are trying to outlaw the mixture of Bengali and English called Banglish. POCHO pities the fools.

Mas…Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

Dear Gorton’s: Thanks for the apology but …

Dear Gorton’s Seafood and Rinck Advertising:

I am thrilled to the gills that you took the time to respond. I am a fan of your products, and hope that they reach many more households than mine.

However, your response reveals exactly why you floundered in the first place. You mention that you “used a Spanish translation service,” and that “Spanish-speaking staff members were involved throughout the project.”

You didn’t say that you translated it yourself in-house, or that Spanish-speaking and/or Latino executives (emphasis on executives) oversaw the project.

Instead, it seems like someone internally had the idea to reach out to Latina moms but fish-farmed out the work because you didn’t have the capabilities or experience to do it on your own.

Mas…Dear Gorton’s: Thanks for the apology but …

New from Gorton’s: Deliciosos Tits and Fishsticks! (updated)

Screencapture from GortonEnEspanol.com

So, what if I could find tits and fish sticks all in one place? A one-stop shop for all my breast and seafood needs?

This is what’s on my mind today after Gorton’s fun website snafu. They launched a web page for Spanish-speaking Latina moms this week, and left one teeny tiny accent off a fairly important word. They turned mothers and seafood into, well, something a whole lot raunchier than what they probably intended.

Mas…New from Gorton’s: Deliciosos Tits and Fishsticks! (updated)