(PNS reporting from EDINBURG, TX) They just about went deaf, but Alcario and Isela Garza braved a radio station’s sonic assault and managed to safely enter the Rancho Sinaloa grocery store here yesterday.
The Garzas — who had just left their yoga class — entered the relatively-quiet food market after surviving 150 decibels of banda coming from a radio station’s “Chingona Van.” The painted-like-a-billboard electric blue truck was parked next to the front entrance, blasting Banda Machos’s La Culebra at top volume.
Radio La Chingona, the Rio Grande Valley’s number one station, was giving out free bumper stickers and hotdogs, and Las Chingonas — two women in radio station cheerleader outfits — were spinning a roulette wheel that awarded two tickets to the station’s upcoming Noches Ranchera festival featuring Paquita del Barrio. The FM station proudly advertises “you’ll never know what we’ll play next.”
These shorties are ready to fight — banda style!
When Tijuana’s Nortec Collective played the Shanghai Expo a few years ago, do you think it was the Chinese city’s first electric techno tuba experience? Mad magic is waiting at the Borderland.
The minute we heard the United States Air Force had planned and carried out Operation Chimichanga, we knew there had to be more to the story. Our Pentagon sources confirmed the hunch: The inspiration for the “chimichanga” code name was the way the Tex-Mex fried-burrito-belly-busters incapacitated unwary diners every time. The brass hats’ hope was that secret teams in state-of-the-art aircraft could make the enemy moan just like fajita-fed TGIFridays customers on Cinco de Mayo.
There is more to the story — the pocho ocho secret Pentagon operations still in the planning stages:
8. Operation Don’t Drink the Water: Secret “wetback” forces from the Navy SEALS sneak into enemy territory and dose the water with “pedo-biotic” agents bioengineered to cause widespread “Montezuma’s Revenge.” This is expected to cause pandemic personal distress, lessen the enemy’s fighting capability and reduce water pressure.
7. Operation Hot Tamale: Inspired by the guetherman’s motto of “cool today, hot tamale,” stealthy airborne drones seed enemy skies with specially-formulated lard and masa pellets that trap your fat, screw your cholesterol and clot your veins.
Ladies: Does this song describe anyone you know? Or shall we ask again after tonight’s big game? Gary P. Nunn is a Texas singer/songwriter with a good eye for detail and a pointed wit.
(PNS reporting from CHIHUAHUA) The New York Times reports that Mexican super group Los Tigres del Norte, dubbed the Metallica of Norteño Music, has been banned from performing in the state Chihuahua after they sang one of their popular narcocorridos at a cattle expo in Ciudad Juárez.
The band began a heavy rendition of La Reina del Sur — which details the life and exploits of drug trafficking legend Sandra Avila Beltran — but were quickly escorted offstage by portly Federales armed with stale churros.
Juarez Chief of Police Feo B. Sonso says that the city doesn’t mind actual narcos and their beheading tactics so much as it does bandas singing about them.
“Bandas? We don need no steenking bandas!” Sonso said.