[More like this from Dan Piraro at Bizarro.com.]
“Machines could take 50% of jobs in the next 30 years,” according to Rice University comp sci professor Moshe Vardi. What will that mean for Alice, holder of the last job on Earth?
Do not fear this dystopian future, pochos. The Last Job on Earth is a good thing, at least according to The Guardian.
On the other hand, if your job involves putting chairs back in place after a meeting in the conference room, you are out of luck. Check this video from Nissan:
The Atlantic analyzed the stats and guess what!? Some professions in the United Estates are positively teeming with white people — jobs like veterinarian, espeech sangwich pathologist and meelrye (chart excerpt, above).
Hurm, we said, perhaps we can fabricate a similar list of America’s brownest jobs.
“So let it be written, so let it be done!” said Pharoah, another white dude. And we did. Here’s our list of America’s Pocho Ocho Top Brownest Jobs:
8. Piñata Fluffer
7. Chief Cleavage Officer for Spanish Language TV Network News Division
6. Tia Guadalupe Gutierrez Santa Maria de Los Angeles y Zacatecas
(GUANAJUATO, MEXICO) iJuanCo, creator of iJuan, the first smartphone app to directly match day laborers and potential bosses, has secured a $3.5 million dollar investment from venture capital fund XS Dinero, iJuanCo company president Grito Del Toro announced here today.
Day laborers using the app will be able to register their schedules, skill set and service areas via iJuan, saving potential employers the hassle of cruising to Home Depot to hire workers while lessening the need for trabajeros to chase patrons’ trokas around the parking lot.
“We aim to disrupt the day labor market,” Del Toro said. “We’re turning wetbacks into techbacks!”
Our MiJA, Elise Roedenbeck, knows it’s tough out there getting a job, especially for new grads. And when prospective employers want you to work for free so they can “try you out,” it can seem like modern-day slavery. Elise is here to help and also available for consultation (at her day rate) on the Twitter, where they call her @Buttronica.
As most of you know, the company continues to grow in spite of the half-assed crap job you do. However, I can’t really expect you to be good at anything, considering my huevon ex-husband, MR. POCHO, is your boss. A piñata has better leadership skills than him. That is why I am taking the initiative to educate you about the upcoming election.
Currently, your lack of talent poses no threat to your job status. What does pose a threat is another four years of the Obamanation Administration.
Having been awarded a substantial portion of POCHO stock as part of our divorce settlement, I have a great interest in your financial well-being. MR. POCHO and I started this company almost 11 months ago and even though I am heiress to the Jupína soda fortune, I have put my duties of exotic travel and party-time debauchery on hold in order to focus on POCHO’s growth.
When bringing a strange woman into your home to help raise your children, many things need to be considered. In this episode of Momfidential, mommy bloggers Byrdie and Linden discuss the pros and cons of Latina and Eastern European nannies.
If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!
There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.
Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.
As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The Mexican-American Chamber of Commerce and the U.S. Labor Department are launching a campaign to promote Hispanic workers.
The Mexicans Work Better campaign encourages American business owners to hire Latino workers for whatever jobs are open and at whatever salary.
“Since the Spanish arrival in the Americas, Latinos have been great workers. We want to encourage U.S. business owners to continue to hire them, at whatever cost,” Chamber of Commerce Executive Director Adrian García told a Monday morning press conference in the Watergate Hotel.
“By hiring Latino workers, business owners get people with a good work ethic, and Latinos get the chance to buy themselves a pack of tortillas — maybe even two. It’s a fair trade.”
Who can kiss mas butt? President Barack Obama and Gov. Mitt Romney both spoke to the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials last week in La Florida. So who won the contest of Los Panderos? The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart reports.
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) GOP strategists — concerned the declining jobless rate hurts their chances of winning the White House — are now attacking the Obama Administration for causing rampant over-employment.
“Obama’s policies are creating more and more jobs. Haven’t Americans suffered enough these last three years? Jobs are the last things they want,” Republican pollster Charlie “Chuck” Charles told a morning meeting of the Contradict Reality and Progress Political Action Committee (CRaP PAC.)