Elise Roedenbeck and Sara Inés Calderón are happy June is over with all those damn weddings! But now the gays are back in play! What’s a modern single woman to do? [The podcast is at the bottom of this post after this list of oldies…]
Previously on the 2 Pochas Podcast:
Mas…2 Pochas Podcast: Adios, June — damn wedding bells! (audio)
Attention all dudes: She just wants to share and she wants you to just listen. You don’t have to FIX EVERY PINCHE PROBLEM!
Ivonne, Ilse and Mimí of Flans aren’t about to let you run their lives. Even in 1985, ain’t nobody got time for that!
POCHO’s Subcommandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón in Los Angeles and New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck got together in audioland to see if they could figure out WTF is up with guys and their weird catcalls and come-ons. Is it different in New York vs. L.A.? Are Spanish catcalls different from English? What’s a guera to do?
Ooops! This audio file seems to be missing! The authorities have been notified.
Back in October, Florida created a new set of educational policies which permits/expects blacks and Latinos to test lower on standardized tests than whites or Asian students. Since they’re expected to test lower, Florida thereby eliminates the embarassing “achievement gap” and the white education bureaucrats can “stand their ground.”
While we’re at it, why don’t we segregate each classroom per race? We can even have separate bathrooms and drinking fountains per race. Seems legit!
I am actually the product of the Florida school system. This ethnic divide rule reminds me of my first year at the University of Central Florida. Though I had a great high school record and was making straight As, I had to take mandatory seminars teaching me how to do well in school.
Did everyone have to take these courses? Nope. Well, why would a straight-A student have to attend such seminars?
Because I am Latina.
Mas…I could have been an astrophysicist, except I’m a Latina
(PNS reporting from SEATTLE) Women now have scientific proof of what they suspected all along: men make you crazy.
The groundbreaking study conducted here by the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center proves what women have suspected all along.
The technical explanation? Women who give birth to boys retain male DNA in their brains and therefore they go batshit crazy.
The study found that in 63% of women, male DNA from their fetus was able to cross the blood-brain barrier and continue to exist inside the mother’s brain, even into old age.
Mas…Totally scientific proof and I’m not kidding: Men make women crazy
Ann Coulter made headlines recently by stating “Civil rights are for blacks” and blacks alone. Oh Ann, sweet little Ann. It’s hard to imagine you were ever a child (mainly because you’re so damn old.)
The statement is part of a larger argument that gays, women, and immigrants aren’t owed the same civil rights as African-Americans because those groups were never affected by America’s “legacy of slavery and Jim Crow laws.”
Backtrack 200+ years for one second.
Are you familiar with Clorox Latino? Did you know Clorox Latino has an abuela?
It was our friends at LatinoRebels.com who first tipped us off to Clorox’s new Spanish-language Facebook page.
The page features a photo gallery of “grandma’s sayings (refranes de mi abuela)” to get you in the bleaching mood, like this mysterious saying about moscas — flies.
POCHO translated these timeless bits of wisdom into English for all of America, since it’s Hispanic Heritage Month 2012 and we want to share.
Mas…Clorox Latino’s abuela has a few words for you; also, don’t eat flies
(PNS reporting from MISSOURI) Rep. (and Senatorial hopeful) Todd Akin (R-MO) intends to write and publish a children’s book that explains to kids how babies are made, according to his staff.
The colorful How Non-Forcible Rape Babies Are Made explains Akin’s understanding of how the human reproductive system works in clear, simple language and bright illustrations especially written for Tea Party Republican voters who approve of his recent comments on rape and pregnancy.
The touchy subject is elucidated in loving and religious detail:
When a rapist loves a mommy, Jesus reaches down from heaven and touches the mommy’s tummy and the miracle of life is created. The end.
Batgirl tells Batman she wants to get paid as much as Robin for the same work. Today’s Latinas need to stand up and demand their fair share too, since the benefits of the Equal Pay Act seem to have passed them by.
In 1963, President John F. Kennedy signed the Equal Pay Act which prohibits gender discrimination in wages. At its signing women made 59 cents on average for every dollar earned by men. Although some small gains have been made, women today earn only 77 cents for every buck a guy gets. Latinas only earn 57 cents.
Enforcing existing laws is hard enough, but it CAN get worse. Across the country, Republican tools of big business are trying to undermine equal pay, all part of the GOP’s despicable War on Women. (We’ve got videos below.)
Mas…Batgirl tells Batman: Equal pay for equal work! (except Latinas?)
Several years ago, I was driving through the backwoods of central Florida trying to find the home of a distant cousin. Desperately lost, I called my mother, but my abuela answered the phone.
I asked her, “Hey, do you know Annita’s phone number? I’m trying to find her house.”
My grandmother’s response: “Go home. A woman shouldn’t be driving alone.”
I can’t help but feel my grandmother’s Old World values have a residual grasp on modern society — the notion that a woman’s role is in the private sphere, that she should not be out in public.
Often while walking the streets of Manhattan I’m subjected to stares that deem me guilty of a crime: guilty of walking with ovaries.
Mas…Women beware: You might be guilty of ‘walking with ovaries’
Although many are shocked by presidential pretender Rick Santorum’s proposal to consider statehood for Puerto Rico if it drops Spanish and espeaks English, it turns out this idea is only the newest of his Brainfarts Brainstorms for America.
Here are the Pocho Ocho:
8. Mexico’s Los Tigres del Norte will be offered citizenship if they lose their stripes
7. Jews get to go to Catholic Heaven if they stop being, you know, Jews
6. African-Americans get access to high-paying Wall Street jobs when they straighten out that hair thing
Have you ever noticed, ladies, that no matter how you dress or how you act, men are going to check you out?
Bosses, co-workers, friends, stranger, acquaintances or just plain cochinos, they are going to scope you out as much or as little as your clothing allows? Ugh.
I grew up in the Catholic/Mexican tradition that kind of espoused the idea that, if you’re an object of sexual desire, it’s shameful and it’s your fault and you should feel guilty because you’re sinful. So, guess what started happening when I began to “develop” into a woman?
Mas…Girls – no matter how you dress, guys will scope you out
A girl can never win.
When I was in seventh grade, I was derided for being flat-chested. When I was in college I was derided for having ample junk in the trunk. As a 20-something I was felt self-conscious because I didn’t have thin legs.
It turns out, depending on who you ask, this is all good — or all lacking. It’s confusing: do Latino men want voluptuous or not? Or do they only want voluptuous in certain places? Do they just like to drool over skinny women on TV, but when they get home prefer something more ample? What are the mathematics on being an “adequately-attractive” Latina?
