Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ’em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun.

5. Replace U.S. Department of Education with National Time Machine Agency to bring back “the good old days.”

4. Π now equals 3.14

3. One dollah, one vote.

2. Immediate deportation of all undocumented immigrants with no Juan left behind: The Comprehensive Omnibus Naturalization Opposition Act (CONO) Act.

And Ted Cruz’s Numero Uno Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priority is…

It shall henceforth be unlawful for anyone named Al Madrigal to replace Jon Stewart on The Daily Show

JIMWICh, Lalo Alcaraz, Eres Nerd, Maria Purisima, Tia Lencha, Malcolm Mex, Professor Equis and Comic Saenz contributed to this report.

Ted Cruz photograph courtesy DonkeyHotey.