the daily show

Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

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tedcruzdonkeyhoteySenator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has reintroduced legislation to take away federal benefits from same-sex married couples. But this troglodyte’s penedjitis is too advanced to stop at one stupid and hateful idea.

That’s right, there’s more — Ted Cruz’s Pocho Ocho Top Legislative Priorities for 2015:

8. Federal guidelines on subsidized school lunches for poor children shall encourage incorporation of nutritious roadkill meat, especially racoon. Now yer ‘coon is a touch on the greasy side, not sweet like ‘possum, but if you cook ’em up right, mmmmmmm, racoon!

7. Women banned from buying condoms because it curtails a Man’s Right to Reproduce.

6. Solar energy outlawed because it sucks the light right out of the Sun.

Mas…Texas Senator Ted Cruz’ Pocho Ocho top legislative proposals

Jon Stewart: How Obama’s amnesty shreds the Constitution (video)

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With the midterm election over, President Obama’s plan to use his executive powers to ease immigration issues for DREAMers, Central American refugees and others has Republicans up in arms about so-called “amnesty.”

Obama is “shredding the Constitution,” they claim, and even Mitt Romney, for Pete’s sake, has to remind Obama that he, Obama, is a loser. Jon Stewart and The Daily Show — with the help of Fox News — explain the big picture.

Jon Stewart: I can solve kid crisis at the border (educational video)

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Why do the right wing haters make it so hard? The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart knows exactly what to do to clean up the mess at the border. PRO TIP: Do not risk monitor damage and/or electric shock by drinking coffee, beer or any other beverage while watching this educational video. Extreme danger of spitting on the screen! Kombucha drinker? Put down the beverage and step away from the computer.

Al Madrigal ruffles feathers in ‘Chicken Boxing’ exposé (video)

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Al Madrigal (Señor Latino Correspondent on The Daily Show with Juan Estuard on basic cable and POCHO Migrant Editor on the Interwebs)* is the fox guarding the Louisiana henhouse in this exposé of the state’s cock-fighting and chicken-boxing rackets. That Al is as smart as a chicken.

PREVIOUSLY ON AL MADRIGAL:

Mas…Al Madrigal ruffles feathers in ‘Chicken Boxing’ exposé (video)

Write, shoot, draw for POCHO and become rich and famous*

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You could be rich and famous*

That’s right — you sitting there in your PJs, bunny slippers and Frida Kahlo unibrow.

After all, you know better than other people on the Internets, and if you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?

Donut despair! You can turn your Aztlan acumen into fame y fortune in a matter of weeks, and

It’s easier than you think.

These are the factoids:

This is a proven method that

  • propelled openly-Chicano Lalo Alcaraz and Gustavo Arellano to writing gigs at a new Fox sitcom,
  • zoomed actor and comic Al Madrigal to The Daily Show and
  • teleported NYC standup Elise Roedenbeck from dimly-lit stages in the East Village to the bright TV lights of the new FUSION network in Miami.

Mas…Write, shoot, draw for POCHO and become rich and famous*

Contribute to POCHO, get discovered, become rich and famous*

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You could be rich and famous*

That’s right — you sitting there in your PJs, bunny slippers and Frida Kahlo unibrow.

After all, you know better than other people on the Internets, and if you’re so smart, why aren’t you rich?

Donut despair! You can turn your Aztlan acumen into fame y fortune in a matter of weeks, and

It’s easier than you think.

These are the factoids:

This is a proven method that

  • propelled openly-Chicano Lalo Alcaraz and Gustavo Arellano to writing gigs at a new Fox sitcom,
  • zoomed actor and comic Al Madrigal to The Daily Show and
  • teleported NYC standup Elise Roedenbeck from dimly-lit stages in the East Village to the bright TV lights of the new FUSION network in Miami.

Mas…Contribute to POCHO, get discovered, become rich and famous*

Lalo Alcaraz, Al Madrigal and Maria Conchita Alonso (audio)

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mariaandtequila
POCHO’s Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal were on the LatinoUSA airwaves to give a partial “thumbs up” to Maria Conchita Alonso‘s foray in politics with an ad backing a Tea Party candidate for Cali governator. It’s funny, they say, and looking at her entry on IMDB, she probably needed the work. Also, Alonso’s decision to feature her Chihuahua named Tequila (photo, above), wasn’t a stereotypical thing to do at all.

LatinoUSA Audio: Al Madrigal and Lalo Alcaraz’ ‘Big Adventure’

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POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (you may also know him from The Daily Show with Juan Estewart) are thankful for lots of stuff. Al is thankful that his son’s school’s athletic mascot is not racist, Lalo is thankful for his new Bordertown gig with Fox, and POCHO is thankful LatinoUSA with Maria Hinojosa let us share this audio from everyone’s favorite Latinos from the Future!

PREVIOUSLY ON LATINOS FROM THE FUTURE:

Mas…LatinoUSA Audio: Al Madrigal and Lalo Alcaraz’ ‘Big Adventure’

Al Madrigal and ex-MSNBC Dylan Ratigan: Cable news blues (video)

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What in the hell is wrong with angry young cable news guy Dylan Ratigan, who quit fame and fortune at MSNBC to become a hydroponic farmer who employs veterans? The Daily Show’s Al Madrigal goes to farmville to find out. [Disclosure: Madrigal is also POCHO’s Migrant Editor.]

Al Madrigal dives into the Tea Party’s manatee manifesto (video)

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President Bronco Bama might have been reelected, but that doesn’t mean the Tea Party is ready to give up. In Florida, they’re trying to keep the Socialist UN-Occupied Federal Government out of their water sports, insisting on their Constitutional Right to Ride Manatees.

The Daily Show’s Al Madrigal dives deep into the depths of Florida to meet the manatees, the manatee people and the Tea Partiers fighting for their right to party with these large, fully aquatic, mostly herbivorous marine mammals, which are sometimes known as sea cows. And monkeys riding dogs. [Disclosure: Al is also POCHO’s Migrant editor, and we’re so proud!]

Ñewsweek: LOST GOV Jan Brewja, boobs, San Diego billboard

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When Jan Brewja, governor of the Hate State of Arizona (photo,right), officially announced her absence from the jurisdiction, concerned Americans began a desperate search for LOST GOV, posting flyers on telephone polls and all over the Internets.

Her mysterious disappearance almost overshadowed the shocking revelation of Iowa’s Brian Peterson, who finally had to come to grips with the fact that he watches telenovelas for the boobs, not to learn Spanish like he originally told himself.

And in San Diego, a multimillionaire commissioned a billboard to get himself a new girlfriend for Christmas — a “Christmas Latina.” Our Especial Correspondents uncovered some earlier versions of the billboard, and an intrepid photographer snapped the final version of the message.

Here are the links to the top stories that broke the ñews:

Mas…Ñewsweek: LOST GOV Jan Brewja, boobs, San Diego billboard

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