Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Make all your beans come true

Hi. Is Tia Lencha here. Sorry I haven been on the blogue. I don’t like to complains, but I have a son, and varicose veins. But I have to tell you about when I was making a pot of beans and I remember the time when I help my hijo make his dream come true.

It was summer and I was still with mijo’s father. Mijo and I stayed at home during the vacations from school. Mijo say he was bore being at the house, so I say, “why don’t we make a project?”

Mijo, who was six year old, say, “Can we make something?”

Oh! So cute! I say, “Yes, mijo, what do you want to make?”

He thought for a little bit and say, “I want to make the perfect pedo.”

“A pedo?” Why not an airplane or a tree house? Why it gotta be that? But I remember the summer vacations in Mexico and how I played with the goats and killed chickens and had so much to do. Mijo didn’t even have a cow to milk, so I decide to help him make a pedo.

So I make a big pot of frijoles de olla (beans for you pochos). I take a lot of beans and I sort them to take out the ugly ones, and the stones, and the ones that remind me of things I find in mijo’s daddy’s underwears. Then I rinse about four or five times to get all the dirty out of the beans. Then I put them to boil with salt and then with a chorro (splash for you pochos) of oil when the beans is almost cooked. I check the water to make sure it has about one inch over the top of the beans, and also taste them to make sure they are done.

When they are finish, I put them in a bowl with chopped up onions, tomato, cilantro, some chile (but not too much cause mijo is a pocho), and some garlic (cause I mijo’s daddy don’t come near me if I have vampiro breath).

I give the frijoles to mijo. He eat them three times a day and he make pedos but he was sad.

“Mijo, was the matter?” I ask him.

“It’s not the perfect pedo,” he say.

I think back to what make me want to make pedos. And how the pedos help me not to have the sexy times with mijo’s daddy. So I make another pot of beans, but this time I put them in a bowl with the tomato, onion, cilantro, garlic, and the secret ingredient: cabbage.

Mijo eat the new pot of beans three times a day. Each time, he puts a little more cabbage in his beans.

Then in the morning, when he was sleeping in my bed (because the beans and garlic were making mijo’s daddy sleep on the sofa), mijo turned over and he made a pedo that was so loud, it woke me up, it was so powerful, it blew the colcha up in the air, and it was so stinky, I went running out the room.

Even though me and his daddy complains about his pedo, mijo was proud. He laugh and laugh and never say he was bore that summer again.

Celina Martinez

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Bean photo by PaintPoppy.