GOP seeks Hispanic vote, taps Seagal for ‘You’re Busted, Beaner!’

by Santino J. Rivera on April 2, 2012 in El Now, Pocho Ñews Service

Publicity photo courtesy 4REELZ network

(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Republicans scared to death worried about the GOP’s ridiculously awful poor standing with Hispanic non-Mexican-American voters have launched an election-year scramble to put a better spin on their party’s immigration problem. Their solution? A TV reality show starring Hollywood flunkie and all-around jackass, Steven Seagal.

Seagal leads the list of C-level actors in You’re Busted, Beaner!new Republican Party-backed reality series. Seagal stars as a cop who pursues “illegals” while promoting the GOP’s non-Mexican Hispanic-friendly agenda.

The show will be produced by Tinsel Town’s sole Republican, who prefers to remain anonymous.

Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, the estranged son of Cuba’s Fidel Castro and spokesman for Bad Hairpieces of America, is working with Arizona’s Douchiest Sheriff, Joe Arpaio, and the legally-retarded Governor of Texas, Rick Perry, to promote Segal’s series which is scheduled to air on the 4REELZ cable network as a summer replacement.

Arpaio, Rubio and Perry will make special guest appearances in episodes filmed in their home states. The trio hopes that the series will “revitalize the base” and show people that the GOP only hates Mexican-Americans – not those other Hispanics.

“We want to reach out to people and let them know that we’re not against all Hispanics. Steven’s show is going to be a great way to show that we’re only interested in upholding the law and not at all targeting anyone. That presumption is ridiculous,” Rubio said during a recent Florida Deport-A-Thon.

During a special press screening of the pilot Seagal told reporters his character would be pursuing criminals “irregardless of their nationality and ethnic background” but that if they happened to be “chile-choking, pepper-bellies” then that was just circumstance.

“When people talk about it being an immigration or racial issue, those people are dumb. They are stupid,” Seagal continued. “In my opinion, it has to do with crime. I’m not aware of anyone that walks up to somebody on the street and says, ‘What’s your nationality? Let me see your proof of citizenship!’ I have never seen that happen in my life and I don’t believe it has ever happened.”

Seagal had “no comment” when asked about Arizona, Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia law enforcement inquiring about people’s nationality and citizenship on a routine basis. He reiterated that this was a “war” and he was on the frontlines, beer gut and all.

“If someone breaks the law in America, we don’t care if they are Chinese, Japanese, French, Italian, Mongolian, we arrest them. It really has nothing to do with what nationality they are,” he said. “Now if we find people that have committed a crime and they are in the United States of America illegally, it is possible or even probable that they would be deported. But I would say that is the same as almost any country on earth… Probably more than 50,000 people have been killed in the border wars over the last few years, which is way more than Iraq and Afghanistan to-date. Don’t you think this should be declared a war too?”

You’re Busted, Beaner! is tentatively scheduled for Fridays at 9PM on 4REELZ.

S. J. Rivera is an Indie Publisher/Author and ‘On Deadly Ground’ @ Broken Sword Publications

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

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