COMIC SAENZ

Comic Saenz is the font name of Dennis Wilen, POCHO's Jefe-de-Content.

Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

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Gardener Berto Lopez trims a hedge in Beverly Hills

(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology.

Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias.

“I did some rude things when I was younger,” he told PNS Thursday, “and if I hurt any of those plants, well then I am truly sorry.”

But Lopez denied the peeing and the firing were related. “I peed on the plants because Romney was a pendejo —  how you say — douchebag:”

Mas…Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

The Coachella art scene, home made by The Date Farmers (video)

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East of Los Angeles via Interstate 10 lies the Coachella Valley, home of the desert oasis of Palm Springs, a famed music festival and acres of stately date palms.

On the wrong side of tracks, in the town of Coachella, there’s a group of Chicano artists who call themselves The Date Farmers. They make art out of love for themselves and their neighbors. This is their story. (Apologies to iOS users. KCET insists on using Flash.)

Blonde Mexican dissident seeks asylum in Chinese restaurant

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Rubio "doesn't look Mexican" neighbors say
(PNS reporting from GUADALAJARA) Blonde Mexican dissident Pablo Rubio holed up in a Chinese restaurant here after eluding taunting neighbors who say he can’t be Mexican since he is fair-haired and light-skinned.

Rubio was spirited away from his home in a car trunk at noon yesterday by friends who convinced suspicious local gang members the getaway vehicle was sagging the trunk was filled with drogas, one source told PNS.

“Pablo went to the Che Xuan Panda restaurant because to them he looks Mexican,” she said. “We all look Mexican to them. Also the 75 pesos lunch special with soup and egg roll rocks.”

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

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Only 1 in 7 believe in impending Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012

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Only 15% will get a piece of Mayan Pie
Only 1 in 7 people has faced up to the fact that the world will end soon and maybe in December, according to a new poll released by Reuters.

“Whether they think it will come to an end through the hands of God, or a natural disaster or a political event, whatever the reason, one in seven thinks the end of the world is coming,” said Keren Gottfried, research manager at Ipsos Global Public Affairs which conducted the poll for Reuters.

“Perhaps it is because of the media attention coming from one interpretation of the Mayan prophecy that states the world ‘ends’ in our calendar year 2012,” Gottfried said.

Confused by the controversy? We need some disinformation and we need it now, and that’s why we turned to the Disinformation Company for this video.

Mas…Only 1 in 7 believe in impending Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012

Ñewsweek: MEChA makeover, French tribe in Puebla, MX, Hey Vato!

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Puebla cave paintings point to France

It’s so last century, the new generation of Chicano students say, and the hard-to-pronounce-and-explain name for venerable activist organization M.E.Ch.A has to change! POCHO covered the explosive debate and published your reader comments in this week’s biggest story.

And history came alive as anthropologists discovered a previously-lost tribe of Frenchman living in caves near the city of Puebla, MX. Are they a remnant of the troops sent by Napoleon III in 1862?

Keep on reading  — we’ve got the latest ñews on Cinco de Mayo, the Hey Vato! homies discuss the Raider’s Nation, Romney’s campaigning parrot and more:

Mas…Ñewsweek: MEChA makeover, French tribe in Puebla, MX, Hey Vato!

Pan-Latino underground club in Queens: Welcome to Metal Kingdom

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Hey! It’s a Cinco de Mayo Sabado Pochonte video shoutout to the heavy metal head banger pochos in New York City — no banda for you! Welcome to Metal Kingdom is a short documentary on an underground Pan-Latino heavy metal club in Queens, NY. Filmed, directed and produced by Denise R. Gaberman. (NSFW language, etc.)

Cinco de Mayo installation art in Beverly Hills (video and photos)

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Ramiro Gomez is an installation artist who makes the invisible visible by inserting cardboard versions of usually-overlooked Mexican laborers into actual settings. Last night he emailed:

Fresh piece I just installed this afternoon on the westbound corner of Mountain Drive and Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills. If you’re driving around that part of town, stop by and check it out before it’s inevitably taken down.

Like Gomez wanted, POCHO stopped by the intersection the morning of Cinco de Mayo and shot this video. It reminded us of a Folgers Crystals instant coffee commercial: “We’ve secretly replaced your ordinarily-invisible immigrant gardener with a cardboard replica. Let’s see if anyone notices!”  And we have photos from Gomez, below.

Mas…Cinco de Mayo installation art in Beverly Hills (video and photos)

Cinco de Mayo is an American holiday — and we’ve got videos!

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QUESTION: How can you tell when Cinco de Mayo has turned into a totally American holiday? ANSWER: When gabachos from Tennessee start making rap videos about it in broken Spanglish! Dear Hootie (AKA Hoochie) and the Brofish: Orale!

For your Only in Los Angeles moment, check out a local news video about Cinco de Mayo at MexiKosher, a kosher Mexican restaurant in the heavily-Jewish Pico-Robertson neighborhood:

Mas…Cinco de Mayo is an American holiday — and we’ve got videos!

Cartel street battle in Puebla, MX ends in rout of French gang invaders

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Federales clean up bodies after cartel Battle of Puebla
Authorities said 462 French gangsters died and 300 were injured
(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MEXICO) Federales are cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead.

The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — was overwhelmed by the fierce Mexican gangbangers.

Faulty HUMINT (human intelligence) was also a factor.

Based on bogus tips from informants who called themselves “los mentirosos,” which La Eme interpreted as “mentors,” the frogs engaged the enemy at noon. La Eme expected the Zeta sentries to be taking siestas with their sombreros pulled so low they couldn’t see the advancing gunmen. And the close-by burros? The French plan relied on the overhwhelming odor of naturally estanky donkeys to mask the telltale scent of French breath-de-fromage.

But the Zetas were not asleep and those weren’t your mother’s burritos.

Mas…Cartel street battle in Puebla, MX ends in rout of French gang invaders

NPR Cinco de Mayo show taps Gustavo Arellano, La Santa Cecilia

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Coming from the East Coast and all, the National Public Radio Alt.Latino peeps needed to come here to get the real California deal on Cinco de Mayo. They called on two local treasures:  Gustavo Arellano, editor of OCWeekly.com, and East Los rockers La Santa Cecilia:

This week we bring ourselves to that most bicultural of holidays — Cinco de Mayo. As we discuss in the show, there is a question about whether or not this is just another opportunity for happy hour specials or store-wide sales: “Get your new bed during our Mexican Mattresstravaganza!!!”

We invited writer Gustavo Arellano to help us shed some light on the issue. He has tackled this theme before in his syndicated column Ask A Mexican.

Here on the East Coast, the Cinco de Mayo experience is different from what it is in California. It feels much less connected to themes of cultural pride and more like an excuse to drink margaritas.

Mas…NPR Cinco de Mayo show taps Gustavo Arellano, La Santa Cecilia

MEChA changes name to one members can pronounce

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(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON D.C.) The board of the historic student organization MEChA voted Wednesday to change the group’s name to something easier for its members to pronounce.

MEChA was born during the Chicano Civil Rights Movement, and its name — Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de Aztlán — was an artifact of its 1960s’ genesis. But Xicano activism waned in the ensuing decades; every year since 1968, for example, the number of baby girls named Xochitl has declined.

Members are no longer interested in getting back to their Nahuatl roots and Los Angeles local chapter male co-chair David Hernandez told PNS that there’s no need. “I mean, I already am from Aztlán, Whittier, you know? And we don’t speak Spanish here,” he said.

Mas…MEChA changes name to one members can pronounce

Adios, Gordo Gingrich! You’ll never get your sangwich :(

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Former Freaker of the House Newt Gingrich’s campaign for the Republican presidential nomination is over. POCHO laments the loss of this serial adulterer and nominee wannabe, as his ignorant, racist douchebaggery provided us with lots of ñews, including this Spanish-language campaign commercial with realistic English subtitles.

And there’s more below:

Mas…Adios, Gordo Gingrich! You’ll never get your sangwich 🙁

Romney courts ‘Hispanic vote’ with cartoon parrot sidekick (video)

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GOP presidential wannabee Mitt Romney knows he needs help with the “Hispanic vote” so he hired a Spanish-speaking, taco-loving parrot named Paco to help him out on the campaign trail. This is their first joint video.

Contrast and compare with Romney’s earlier Nosotros ad, presented here with English subtitles.

Mas…Romney courts ‘Hispanic vote’ with cartoon parrot sidekick (video)

Will Selena’s comeback tour feature a holographic JLo?

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holoselena(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Selena’s old band is hitting the road this summer with a holographic version of the murdered superstar and Jennifer Lopez wants the part.

JLo played Selena Quintanilla-Pérez in a 1997 biopic about the singer.

“We tried to tell her a hologram was not an actual person and that playing a hologram was not the same thing as being in a movie, but she didn’t seem to understand,” band manager Beto Salinas told PNS.

Lopez called band members directly and begged for the role.

Mas…Will Selena’s comeback tour feature a holographic JLo?

Debuting Cinco de Mayo: The Misadventures of Pepito and Juan

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The Misadventures of Pepito and Juan will debut on POCHO at midnight, May 5, Cinco de Mayo. Look for a new episode every night at midnight until we run out of cartoons, or creator Gabriel Tellez, Jr. makes more.

What’s it all about? Per Tellez:

Pepito (left): The highly intelligent, politically/socially conscious Chicano who is considered “too liberal” by conservatives, and “too soft” by self-proclaimed revolutionaries. Though a progressive reformist at heart who likes to be “the middle guy” in social and political issues, Pepito despises hardcore conservatives as much as he despises Che-shirt wearing teenagers who don’t know what they are protesting about.

Juan (right): While being the more friendly and outgoing one of the duo, Juan isn’t really too bright when it comes to more important issues that plague society, and would rather smoke weed than join Pepito in his quest to empower the Latino community. Juan is also flirtatious at heart, as he always seems to find the time to hit on all the pretty girls he comes to contact with (which usually ends up in slaps to the face.)

Published in cooperation with Tellez, who is a hoopy frood.

Mas…Debuting Cinco de Mayo: The Misadventures of Pepito and Juan

Are these Sunday news show talking heads your ‘Hispanic leaders’?

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CBS News writes:

Because Hispanics, the fastest-growing segment of the US population, will play a big role in November’s presidential election, leaders from the Hispanic community reinforced the notion that they are not a monolithic voting bloc.
Are these people your “Hispanic leaders” as CBS calls them? Aside from the Latino/Hispanic what’s in a name issue, do these people represent you? Do you even know who they are? Do you agree with what they say? Let’s name names:

Mas…Are these Sunday news show talking heads your ‘Hispanic leaders’?

Ñewsweek: Abuelita and the ticking baby clock, no cholo too loco

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When a cholo goes bad, call The Cholo Whisperer

She needed help — a woman approaching 40 who wanted  kids but had no realistic baby daddy in sight.  Thankfully, she decided to write Dear Abuelita for advice, who gave her way more guidance than she was expecting.

And in a very special video about Cholo Rescue Services, the gentle strength of The Cholo Whisperer turns a misbehaving cholo loco into a warm companion everyone loves.

These were the stories breaking the ñews on POCHO this week:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Abuelita and the ticking baby clock, no cholo too loco

Luminous white UFOs turn Mexican skeptics into believers (videos)

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Up in the sky, it’s a bird, it’s a plane it’s — Marcianos! Mexican investigators Jaime Maussan and Santiago Yturria Garza share exceptional videos of unexplained aerial phenomena that turned them from skeptics into believers.

Watch news footage as one Mexican mayor spots the “fleet” of luminous white OVNIs and says, “The Martians have arrived!”  TV host Maussan calls for more citizen and media participation in compiling OVNI reports in this 90-minute presentation from 2006.

“The Martians Have Arrived” — Los Marcianos Llegaron Ya — was also a pop music hit in Mexico in 2005 by children’s music star Tatiana. Which came first — the sightings or the song? We have the video below.

Mas…Luminous white UFOs turn Mexican skeptics into believers (videos)

Argentina WTF: Crop circle? UFO landing site? Cow abduction? (video)

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The diameter of the circle cut into the Tossi family’s sorghum field Wednesday night or Thursday morning is 25 meters — 82 feet across. The transformation of the consenusal reality of the small town of Las Perdices in Argentina’s Tercero Arriba district is yet to measured.

Who — or what — made the circle? Is it of earthly origin? Or did an OVNI leave evidence of a brief terrestrial tango? We have more of the story and an incredible video report of a cow abducted by a UFO in Argentina, below.

Mas…Argentina WTF: Crop circle? UFO landing site? Cow abduction? (video)

The O.C. featuring Baby.K: ‘Somos Locos’ (NSFW music video)

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What if the Insane Clown Posse moved to French Canadia and made a Spanglish hip-hop video in an insane asylum? Mira! This crazy video by The O.C. comes from the Montreal Hip-Hop en Español scene. The O.C.is a duo made up of MCs Chele and One from Heavy Soundz and featuring many members of the Del Mondongo crew. Del Mondongo is a label/collective formed by a circle of Latino MCs: Boogat, Alquimia Verbal and Heavy Soundz – two all-star hip-hop crews that splinter into different side and solo projects. Loco, eh? (Crazy NSFW language.)

Drug cartel shoot-out recycling means big business for one border town

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The Model Six plays the 'Steve Jobs chord'

(PNS reporting from BAJA NALGAS) The narcotraficante shoot-outs in this border town typically take 30 or 40 seconds. A discerning listener might notice — amid the screams, the pop-pop-pop of semiautomatic pistol fire and the distinctive rat-a-tat-tat of submachineguns — the jingle-jangle-jingle of spent brass cartridges hitting the street.

When the smoke clears, survivors, if any, are taken to the hospital and the dead are carted to the morgue. A city crew hoses off the blood and the police let traffic through.

And then the kids come — a pack of boys, tween scavengers. They methodically retrieve the brass shells left on the street and take them back to Guinchimes del Sud, a local manufacturer of wind chimes, where the spent 9mm pistol and AK-47 submachinegun ammunition “brass” is recycled into musical metal sculptures that get shipped to breeze buffs in America.

But as demand for wind chimes on the U.S. side of the Rio Culero improves, Guinchimes’ path to future success is blowing in the wind.

Mas…Drug cartel shoot-out recycling means big business for one border town

Students create gigantic portrait of Cesar Chavez from 5500 dominos

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San Diego students used dominos to create a huge Cesar Chavez mural and installed it over the weekend in Chicano Park. NBC San Diego’s Gitzel Puente reports:

It took 5,500 domino pieces, 40 students and six weeks to create this piece of art. Students and staff from O’Farrell Community School started this mural using blueprints, and then they glued them to vinyl tiles [and]…dedicated this 10-foot mural to farm labor leader Cesar Chavez.

“About two months ago, we decided to do something for the community and what better thing to do than dedicate this to Cesar Chavez. We started telling the kids about it, letting them know what he did, his legacy and how he brought people together for a good cause,” says O’Farell’s Spanish instructor Jose Islas.

Puente uploaded a nice photo of the portrait to her Twitter account. We have it below:

Mas…Students create gigantic portrait of Cesar Chavez from 5500 dominos

What’s good on TV tonight? Your CHiVO™ Champion Chows

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50 Minutos: Toothless tia with a headscarf flees a smoking village on a donkey cart and a softly-lit cute kid with a disability plays the chit out of a cello. Eduardo Burro offers a special tribute to Miguel Xoalis.
Click here to add these chows to your CHiVO™ chedule
Tosho Punto O: Danilo Tosh provides commentary on viral videos, society and celebrities from his Abuela’s basement. Fallout from the Web’s Best Vomit Videos semifinals messes up Danilo’s guyabera.
Guanderful World of Disney: Things get pretty hairy for Herbie the Love Bug when he takes a trip to Lima, Peru. Can he overcome his need to obey traffic signals? Probably, but not before realizing the traffic lanes are “suggestion only.”
Lonche Libre: The gourmet food loncheros must sell their high-end comida to skeptics in the hood, but not before they get sparkle paint jobs, lowered suspensions and custom-painted flames with a $2000 budget and a 24-hour deadline.

Mas…What’s good on TV tonight? Your CHiVO™ Champion Chows

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