Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’

Gardener Berto Lopez trims a hedge in Beverly Hills

(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology.

Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias.

“I did some rude things when I was younger,” he told PNS Thursday, “and if I hurt any of those plants, well then I am truly sorry.”

But Lopez denied the peeing and the firing were related. “I peed on the plants because Romney was a pendejo —  how you say — douchebag:”

You know how Romney drove to Canada with a dog in a box on the roof of his car? That’s the way he treated everyone: “Berto, mow the lawn. Berto, trim the hedge. Berto, sit. Berto, heel. That’s a good Berto.”

When he made all the lawn maintenance people “do the hokey-pokey and turn yourselves about” in their chonies, well, that’s when I lost it. As soon as I could slip away, I did the first nasty thing I could think of which was to piss on his plants. I would have left a turd on his living room floor if I could, but they didn’t let us into the house to use the bathroom. We had to “hold it.”

We all got fired  later when the undocumented story broke, but that turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I moved out West and now I have a thriving freelance business here in the 90210. I even participated in President Obama’s fundraiser at George Clooney’s house.

Berto, third from left, got the neighborhood spiffy for Obama's visit

Photos by Ramiro Gomez.

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