El Now
It’s News to Us!
Jesus Christ and Sarah Silverman: A fetus is not a person (NSFW video)
Nice Jewish girl Sarah Silverman (her sister is a rabbi in Israel) gets to spend some quality time with fellow Jew Jesus F*cking Christ; it turns out Jesus has a mission for Sarah. [NSFW adult language.]
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Mas…Jesus Christ and Sarah Silverman: A fetus is not a person (NSFW video)
OVNI al sur de la ciudad de México/UFO south of Mexico City (videos)
Jesus Correa was fast with his camera two weeks ago when he spotted an unidentified flying object south of Mexico City, capturing the OVNI in three separate videos in one day.
…Correa posted the videos on January 12, 2014. He says he caught them earlier in the day. The first two videos show an object floating around the sky during the day. The object appears to be shiny and elliptical. It moves slowly, but unsteadily, as if it may be floating in the wind.
Mas…OVNI al sur de la ciudad de México/UFO south of Mexico City (videos)
Rio de Janeiro: Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, me
A lightning bolt broke a finger off the right hand of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro last week.
Mas…Rio de Janeiro: Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, me
Maria Conchita Alonso likes a Tea Party guy with cojones (video)
Tea Partier Tim Donnelly wants to be the next governator of Califas, and that means he needs Latino votes. And who could be better to help with Mexican-Americans in Cali than Cuban-American actress Maria Conchita Alonso? Never mind about his hardline position on immigration.
PREVIOUSLY ON STRANGE BEDFELLOWS:
Mas…Maria Conchita Alonso likes a Tea Party guy with cojones (video)
America to pause Monday for Ricky Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2014
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) America will pause Monday to remember the life and message of Ricky Martin Luther King Jr., whose Tengo a Dream y Dance! speech changed the nation forever.
Post offices and other public facilities will be closed, banks and stock exchanges take the day off and salsa picante and sweet potato pie – his favorite snack combo – are on sale all across America. Today would have been RMLK’s 34th birthday.
Despite his tragic death in 2007 (he was shot and killed by the president of his fan club before an appearance in Dallas) King’s promotion of “love, equality, justice, innocence, malice, refuge, oppression, freedom” has continued to resonate among confused Latinos and Anglos alike.
Mas…America to pause Monday for Ricky Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2014
U.S. Supreme Court votes 5-4 to change that thing, irregardless
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The United States Supreme Court has voted 5-4 to change that appeal thing some lower courts were dealing with earlier (you know, back and forth and shit?) no matter que chingados the people think.
POCHO will share more details as the situation develops here in Our Nation’s Capital.
Mas…U.S. Supreme Court votes 5-4 to change that thing, irregardless
New tablet, mobile apps and wearable tech products star at CES 2014
(PNS reporting from LAS VEGAS) Exciting new tablet/mobile apps and wearable tech were the stars at Friday’s Cholo Electronics Show (CES) here.
Generating the most buzz was the free Chologram™ app from Firme Junior Systems of Oakland. The Instagram wannabe showed off software with patented La Vida Loca Lifestyle image effects, including the one-click application of teardrop tattoos to a facial image. The premium version ($5.99) removes teardrop tattoos from a photo. The application runs on iOS and Android systems, smartphones and tablets. No pinches Windows phones.
Mas…New tablet, mobile apps and wearable tech products star at CES 2014
American Paletero Association calls Polar Vortex ‘a hoax’
(PNS reporting from LOS ANGELES) The “so-called Polar Vortex is a hoax” according to a statement just released here by the American Paletero Association (APA.)
“It’s always paleta weather,” the statement said. “Listen to APA: It’s never too cold for ICE.”
“Also,” APA warned, “don’t eat the yellow raspa.”
POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.
Pocho Ocho reasons Sen. Ted Cruz is still a Canadian citizen
Despite promises, 2013 Pendejo of the Year Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) has not relinquished his Canadian citizenship.
Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Sen. Ted Cruz is still a Canadian citizen
Forget that ‘Duck’ guy, Steve Yamamoto is a Free Speech Hero (video)
You can exercise your First Amendment rights as a homophobic racist fool on A&E or as an anti-corporate viral video dude on the Internets. You be the judge.
A Chicago employee of the Safeway/Dominick’s supermarket chain (which is closing 72 stores eliminating 6000 jobs) was suspended after he posted this YouTube video — Thanks, Safeway — portraying the store closings as a vicious attack by space aliens.
Steve Yamamoto was suspended Saturday, when he showed up for his last day at work.
Mas…Forget that ‘Duck’ guy, Steve Yamamoto is a Free Speech Hero (video)
‘Pinches UFOS! I’m gonna put this sh*t on YouTube’ (NSFW video)
An anonymous Palacios, TX man and his friends were so stoked by this encounter last month with UFOs that he uploaded his first YouTube video, shot on his cheap-ass Galaxy Note 2 [NSFW language.]
He also reported his encounter to the National UFO Reporting Center:
Mas…‘Pinches UFOS! I’m gonna put this sh*t on YouTube’ (NSFW video)
New Year Ñews: Local man says Obama stole his American Dream
(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Jason Morales finally figured out why his “get up and go” got up and went, he told friends at Hoopy Frood’s on New Year’s Eve, and all clues point to President Barack Obama.
“President Afrika Hussein Bambata is the worst president in this country’s history,” he announced to the teeming North Mesa Street establishment after his fourth Blue Moon with an orange wedge, “and he has robbed me of my chance at the American dream.”
Mas…New Year Ñews: Local man says Obama stole his American Dream
News Blooper of the Year: Sabrina Rodriguez, baboon friend (video)
Fox 40 (Sacramento) reporter Sabrina Rodriguez made a friendly baboon’s day at the Lodi Grape Festival.
Could be worse — she coulda been Gustavo Aldomovar:
Mas…News Blooper of the Year: Sabrina Rodriguez, baboon friend (video)
MEX A&E suspends ‘Guac Dynasty’ jefe after hate Tweet
(PNS reporting from MEXICO CITY) Felipe Roberto, star of the reality show Guac Dynasty, which follows the Roberto clan of rude and crude avocado wranglers through their struggle with weeds, bugs and family dysfunction, has been suspended by the Mexican Arte y Entretenimiento TV network (MEX A&E) after his hateful Tweet about Americans went viral, PNS has learned.
Roberto told his 3,827 Twitter followers that he was flying to Los Angeles for Christmas and he hoped he “didn’t get the gays” from the “Hollywood maricons.”
Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot
(PNS reporting from GUANAJUATO, MX) State-of-the-art leaf blower technology developed in Mexico’s Silicon Barrio is at the heart the Pentagon’s latest robot warrior, PNS has learned.
The PopoPotencia leaf blower engine powers the WildCat, a Boston Dynamics combat robot (video) built for the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA).
Mas…Advanced Mexican leaf blower powers new Pentagon/Google robot
Mexican legislator strips to protest PEMEX legislation (video)
The plan to end the government-owned PEMEX oil monopoly got Mexican congressman Antonio Garcia Conejo, a member of the leftist Democratic Revolution Party, so angry he needed to strip to his chonies to get his point across.
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Mas…Mexican legislator strips to protest PEMEX legislation (video)
Uruguay gets high with a little help from the law (video)
Marijuana has been legalized in Uruguay. Let the stoner hidden camera video hijinks begin!
PREVIOUSLY ON MARIJUANA:
Mas…Uruguay gets high with a little help from the law (video)
Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)
(PNS reporting from CULVER CITY, CA) Westside entrepreneur Pico E. Sepulveda tries not to count his pollos before they hatch, but he will admit to being stoked about the profit potential of the 12 cases of Huy Fung Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce he purchased at Smart & Final Iris here Thursday morning.
“Now that the State of California has joined the City of Irwindale in cutting off the supply of America’s favorite hot sauce, the sky’s the limit on these babies,” the Mar Vista man told PNS. “When I pulled out of the store’s parking lot onto Venice Boulevard, I actually started chair dancing in my car and even broke out the maracas!” (Sepulveda’s excitement was captured by a POCHO reader who emailed us this VINE video, right)
“I got a dozen 12-count cases of the 28-ounce bottles,” Sepulveda explained, “for $35 each — for a total for $420, which I thought was good omen. This could be bigger than Bitcoins, if Bitcoins had a trailer for a video on demand download on Vimeo!”
Mas…Area man scores 12 cases of Sriracha, hopes to Get Rich Quick (videos)
Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution
(PNS reporting from HAVANA) El Presidente Comrade Raul Castro’s handshake with imperialist war criminal Barack Obama at the Nelson Mandela memorial service in South Africa was a slap in the face of the workers of the world and a betrayal of Cuba’s Communist Revolution, an old school Communist Bay of Pigs veteran charged Tuesday.
“That handshake marks a Day That Will Live in Infamy,” Ernesto “Little Che” Altacaca, 76, told everyone hanging out at People’s Barbershop #245 on Calle de Los Cadres. “It is like the Hitler-Stalin nonaggression pact (photo, below) combined with a very special episode of Chico and the Man.”
“Did El Presidente demand the Yanqui perro return Guantanamo?” the long-time area resident asked. “No! Did he demand an end to the embargo that has penalized the people for half a century? Nyet! Did he insist Obama recognize the workers’ rights to self determination without capitalist exploitation and immediately send six dozen complete gasket sets for 1954 Chrysler New Yorkers? No way! And what about Pete Seeger remitting that record business royalty money for the song he stole from the poor people of Guantanamera?”
Mas…Cuban Reds say Raul Castro-Obama handshake betrayed Revolution
From Texas: ‘Give me six tacos or I’ll kill you with a sword!’
A 28-year-old San Antonio, TX man is the can after threatening a waitress with a sword in an attempt to scare her into giving up a half dozen tacos, which Wikipedia describes as “a traditional Mexican dish composed of a corn or wheat tortilla folded or rolled around a filling.”
“Mr. [Adam] Kramer was yelling that he wanted his free tacos or somebody was going to die,” authorities said in an affadavit for his arrest, according to Raw Story. Kramer is being held in Bexar County Jail on $50,000 bail.
PREVIOUSLY ON TEXAS TACOS:
Mas…From Texas: ‘Give me six tacos or I’ll kill you with a sword!’
Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)
Todd Mills, who came up with the idea for Doritos Locos Tacos, lost his battle with cancer on Thanksgiving. The Little Rock, Arkansas father of two was 41 (photo, above.)
Mills started the Facebook page “Taco Shells from Doritos Movement” in 2009, encouraging followers to “tell Frito-Lay that we demand nacho cheesy taco shells!”
On the page, Mills posted photoshopped images of well known figures including Albert Einstein with a cheesy taco shell in a thought bubble, Steve Jobs holding a Macbook with a cheesy taco shell on the screen and Chuck Norris doing a karate kick while holding a cheesy taco shell….
Mas…Visionary behind Doritos Locos Tacos dies at 41 (photos + video)









