8. All the valet gigs are sewn up by Telemundo producers.
7. They only invite Hispanics with the right attitude, with good credit and who play well with others.
6. There is an industry ban on pastel Quinceañera Tuxedos.
5. They think Mexican Mitt is a Cuban baseball catcher.
4. The Gorton’s Fisherman is going to be there and the Academy fears there will be rude comments about his wife.
3. Sheriff Paul Babeu has a crush on Daniel D. Portado, who is a token honored guest.
2. Mayan calendar says the world will end when Chicanos are invited to the Oscars.
And the top reason POCHO wasn’t invited to the Oscars is …
Paranoid fears POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz will draw cartoons on the cabezas of bald gringos seated in front of him.