Hey Donald Trump: Where is your college yearbook photo?

We have a question for Donald Trump:

Where is your 1968 college graduation photo? It’s not in your college yearbook, the University of Pennsylvania Record.

You’ve written that you were “very glad to get finished.” Too busy for a senior photo?

The Record also notes the Celebrity Apprentice performer comes from someplace called “Jamaica” in New York State, which doesn’t sound very American.

Come clean, Donald: Did you really graduate like you claim? And if you did, where is your photo? How about a diploma?

Otherwise, you’re fired!

Mas…Hey Donald Trump: Where is your college yearbook photo?

I’m running for President because I believe in America and I’m white

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that I am running for President of the United States of America!

All my life, I’ve been told I could never be president — not because I’m a woman (PMS = Global Thermonuclear War) or a high-functioning alcoholic (um, hi, Grant, Taft, FDR, JFK, George Dubya…) but because I was not born in the United States.

However, the birther movement has changed all that. If Barack Hussein Obama was able to overcome the bureaucratic spaghetti goop monster that is immigration and fake his citizenship, so can I.

Mas…I’m running for President because I believe in America and I’m white

Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!

AJUA! You didn’t think I could do it. You doubted me. You said, “Oh no, Mexican Mitt, you cannot be the Republican nominee! They hate you so! They would never EVER let such a VIRILE, MACHO HOMBRE become the REPUBLICAN NOMINEE!” By virile and macho hombre, you must mean that a Mormon could never win the GOP nomination.

But you were WRONG. Last night, I finally got the required 1,144 delegates for the Republican nomination by winning Texas, the lone state to vote this week. Like I always said, “ALL MY VIEJAS LIVE IN TEJAS!” And I received a full 90% of my viejas’ votes. (I’ll have a word with you later, Margarita.)

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney: ¡I AM THE LAST JUAN STANDING!