Donald Trump’s and Bernie Sanders’ stunning victories Tuesday don’t make sense unless you know the hidden history of the state of New Hampshire.
That’s the reason we researched and compiled the Pocho Ocho Top Facts You Need to Know About New Hampshire:
8. New HAMpshire is known for its “HAM aroma” which inspired the hit song My Sharona
7. Coincidence or conspiracy? The ham-smelling state’s namesake [old] Hampshire, on England’s southern coast across the channel from France, smells like CHEESE
6. New Hampshire is very white. How white is it? New Hampshire is so white it makes the OSCARS look like a #BlackLivesMatter rally
5. The New Hampshire state motto, “Live Free or Die,” has been adopted by the Democratic Socialist Bank of North Nigeria, which has a check waiting for you, my dear, if you just click here
4. The Algonquin, original inhabitants of the area, named the territory “Get out of here, smelly hairy white savages, dammit”
3. Because it shares a border with Quebec, New Hampshire built a hyooooge, classy border wall to stop the flow of French Canadian maple syrup trafficantes
2. Marketing material from the New Hampshire Tourism Board never mentions the state was the birthplace of Adam Sandler
And the Numero Uno Top Fact You Need to Know About New Hampshire is….
New Hampshire is known as The Granita State because it crushes political dreams into teeny weeny ice cubicles, purées all ingredients in a blender until smooth, pours them into a 9x9x2″ metal baking pan, freezes the mixture for 1 hour, stirs, mashing any frozen parts with the back of a fork, covers and freezes the mixture until firm, about 2 hours, and, using a fork, scrapes the granita vigorously to form icy flakes.