Cheating historically proven as best strategy to win, PRI President says
(PNS reporting from MEXICO) Members of Mexico’s PRI took to the streets this weekend to reassure supporters that, if a victory in the 2018 presidential elections is ever in doubt, the power-drunk party will revert to its most tried-and-true success tactic: Shameless electoral fraud.
“If this is the future that awaits me, I don’t want it,” said the girl in this commercial that ran before last year’s Mexican presidential elections. “Enough of working for your political parties instead of working for us. Enough of cosmetic changes.” Almost everyone said they agreed.
Marina is exhausted but exhilarated. Her entrails are convulsing violently as she pumps hundreds of rounds into the hordes of CSA Minutemen coming at her from all sides. After two sleepless nights of hard battle, she can barely hold onto the trigger, which is a throttle gyrating wildly in her hands.
She is emptying magazines from eight different machine guns placed strategically on the exoskeleton of her BattleBot or “Bot.” Bots are oversized suits of armor, equipped with lasers, machine guns, rocket launchers, grenades, poison gas canisters and other weapons systems.
Bots are operated by specialized Bot Pilots working deep inside the steel behemoths, which weigh thousands of pounds and stand five stories high. BattleBots were secretly developed by the U.S. Army and were now widely used by armies around the world.
“Incoming,” squawks Marina’s radar. “Shit! Some pinche vendido traitor ratted us out,” Marina hisses into her headset as fighter jets roar overhead and the forest explodes all around her.
Gov. Mitt Romney reaches out to Latino voters in this new Hispanic Heritage Month commercial filmed in downtown Los Angeles’ historic Olvera Street neighborhood.
Who can kiss mas butt? President Barack Obama and Gov. Mitt Romney both spoke to the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials last week in La Florida. So who won the contest of Los Panderos? The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart reports.
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz (in Southern California) and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal (in New York) Skyped away last week for POCHO’s first coast-to-coast podcast.
(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) GOP wannabe Mitt Romney’s Hispanic outreach coordinator Daniel D. Portado, the militant self-deportationist, wants you to stop by the big campaign rally today after you vote for Mitt. Meet your favorite Latino-loving politicians like Gov. Jan Brewer, Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Sheriff Paul Babeu.
(PNS reporting from THE HEARTLAND) Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum swept the nominating contests in Missouri, Minnesota and Colorado Tuesday night, claiming, “My campaign is far from pooped out.”
The fiercest gay-baiting candidate in recent history, Santorum now has four victories under his belt in the GOP race, more than any other closeted candidate. “People were saying all along I had Big Mo, but they meant I was a big ‘mo.”