Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Castro, a rising star in the party, was chosen for his ability to reach white voters.
Castro is fluent in English and very comfortable with white Americans. “Hello,” he said in his first public address as the vice-presidential nominee. “I’m happy to be here with all of you today.” The crowd responded warmly to his introduction in their native language.
“What most people don’t realize is that Julian speaks excellent English. It will give him the ability to communicate with the white vote” said a source close to the nominee.
El Charro de Oro Sebastien de La Cruz sings The Star Spangled Banner at the NBA finals in 2013. This stunning performance wowed the fans and pissed off the haters. Screw the haters.
Remember when the white wingers were hating on El Charro del Oro, the Mariachi Kid, Sebastien de la Cruz? No? Nevermind. This kid sings The Star Spangled Banner like a boss. (The old boss, Donald Trump, got fired.)
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Texas State Senator Dan Patrick, a Republican Lieutenant Governor wannabe, was named Pendejo of the Month Wednesday by the American Pochismo Institute (API.) The award followed his Univision debate Tuesday with San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro (photo.)
API’s designation, which is usually not revealed until the end of the month, was awarded Wednesday to Patrick for actions “Above And Beyond the Call of Douchery” after Patrick sent this Tweet Tuesday evening about how much he loves “Hispanics:”
(PNS reporting from HAVANA) El Presidente Comrade Raul Castro’s handshake with imperialist war criminal Barack Obama at the Nelson Mandela memorial service in South Africa was a slap in the face of the workers of the world and a betrayal of Cuba’s Communist Revolution, an old school Communist Bay of Pigs veteran charged Tuesday.
“That handshake marks a Day That Will Live in Infamy,” Ernesto “Little Che” Altacaca, 76, told everyone hanging out at People’s Barbershop #245 on Calle de Los Cadres. “It is like the Hitler-Stalin nonaggression pact (photo, below) combined with a very special episode of Chico and the Man.”
“Did El Presidente demand the Yanqui perro return Guantanamo?” the long-time area resident asked. “No! Did he demand an end to the embargo that has penalized the people for half a century? Nyet! Did he insist Obama recognize the workers’ rights to self determination without capitalist exploitation and immediately send six dozen complete gasket sets for 1954 Chrysler New Yorkers? No way! And what about Pete Seeger remitting that record business royalty money for the song he stole from the poor people of Guantanamera?”
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Hillary Clinton formally announced her candidacy for President Sunday night, and PNS has learned San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro will be her running mate.
“Latinos are the ‘in’ thing — and Hillary knows that — she’s never been one to ignore what’s in vogue,” a source close to the campaign told PNS.
“Plus, all those Latino votes!”
But wait, there’s more! Sarah Silverman explained how the GOP is trying to keep you from voting, Latinas have racist vaginas, and that new monkey species discovered in Africa reminded us of…JESUS?
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Can you speak eSpanish like Mexican Mitt? Can you dance around a sombrero at a moment’s notice? Do you crease your Dickies until they can cut through glass? If you answered “no” to any of these questions then you might be a fake Mexican, just like San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro.
In the latest “fake Mexican” scandal, Castro made headlines across the country as the first Latino keynote speaker at the Democratic National Convention earlier this month, but his glaring lack of forced Spanish catch-phrases has some people questioning his Mexican card. Some have even dared to call the vato a pocho…