PREVIOUSLY BY JIMWICH:
Mas…Sen. Ted Cruz explained in one handy Venn diagram (toon)
pendejo
Breaking: Pasadena asshole complains ‘No one likes me’
(PNS reporting from PASADENA) Bob Lowe recently discovered that — for some reason — he is disliked by all his coworkers.
He explained the confusing situation to PNS Wednesday afternoon as he poured himself the last cup of coffee, left the empty pot on the heating element, and walked away without making more.
“I just don’t get it, you know?” he said. “I mean, maybe I take peoples’ lunches sometimes, big deal, you know? What did you think was gonna happen if you left food in the fridge?”
Lowe’s officemates on the eleventh floor have complained to company Vice President of Human Resources Mike Cervantes numerous times about Lowe’s inability to keep deadlines, hapless attempts to get others to do his work, refusal to learn new things, terrible personal hygiene and general rudeness in the 10 months since he was hired, but to no avail.
Hey Donald Trump: Where is your college yearbook photo?
We have a question for Donald Trump:
Where is your 1968 college graduation photo? It’s not in your college yearbook, the University of Pennsylvania Record.
You’ve written that you were “very glad to get finished.” Too busy for a senior photo?
The Record also notes the Celebrity Apprentice performer comes from someplace called “Jamaica” in New York State, which doesn’t sound very American.
Come clean, Donald: Did you really graduate like you claim? And if you did, where is your photo? How about a diploma?
Otherwise, you’re fired!
Paul Ryan’s Pocho Ocho favorite bands besides RATM
Now that we know that GOP VP pick Paul “Unclear on the Details” Ryan loves anti-establishment (and anti-Ryan) L.A. pocho punk band Rage Against the Machine, we thought we’d check out what else is on his playlist.
Here are the Pocho Ocho most-played bands on the pendejo’s iPod:
8. Johnny Rebel
7. The Michelle Bachmann Corndog Quartet
6. Das Racist
GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against
Tom Morello is a meanie who makes Paul Ryan cry.
The powerful guitarist of Rage Against the Machine has blasted a thunderous riff on Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan.
Ryan, in a typical blockheaded, know-nothing right wing move, has declared that the left wing, bomb-throwing, anti-establishment rock group (fronted by fellow pocho Zach de La Rocha) is his favorite band. Talk about not paying attention to details! (It must be hard to think when he works out with P90X to the powerful guitar rock rolas.)
Maybe this is why Ryan is painfully oblivious to the suffering going on in the U.S. when the uber wealthy continue to hoard all the money and leave the rest of us to scrape by.
Could be why he thinks giving tax cuts to the 1% and making the rest of us pay for it is a Christian act?
No wonder he does not flinch when people call him a “zombie-eyed Granny starver.” Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t care — maybe he has no pinche idea what is going on around him. Either way, it’s not exactly the kind of leadership the U.S. needs right now.
Mas…GOP VP pick Paul Ryan is the ‘machine’ that RATM rages against
Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’
(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) Inspired by Mitt Romney’s apology for assaulting a long-haired commie prep school classmate, one of the undocumented gardeners Romney hired and then fired in 1996 has issued his own apology.
Berto Lopez, now working as a freelance arborist in Beverly Hills, regrets he once peed on the then-governor’s prized petunias.
“I did some rude things when I was younger,” he told PNS Thursday, “and if I hurt any of those plants, well then I am truly sorry.”
But Lopez denied the peeing and the firing were related. “I peed on the plants because Romney was a pendejo — how you say — douchebag:”
Mas…Fired undocumented gardener sorry he ‘peed on Romney’s petunias’
Pocho Ocho words we should banish in 2012
8. Anchor baby (noun) – Wait- this is an anti-Latino slur? FAIL. Seriously, this just makes us picture an infant so cute and fat we could use it for a boat anchor. Just chuck it in – kerPLOP! – you can drift and chug Coronas all afternoon. Do better, wingnuts.
7. Arpaio (proper noun) – Actually, we’d just like to banish this one from the government payroll, strip it down to its pink underwear and let it play where’s-the-soap for 99 to life.
