Pocho Ocho Cyber Lunes gift tips are just a clika guey

As long as the boss isn’t looking, today is the day when pochos all over America go holiday gift shopping on the Internets. If you’re not shopping at Lalo Alcaraz’s place, these Pocho Ocho gift tips (with links) will turn your Cyber Lunes from Mission Impossible to Cyber Espace Mission Accomplished:

8. Santa’s Helpers are cool, sure, but so last year! Nalgas Helpers are bringing sexy back (and backs) with their American-made line of butt thong bar stools. When the clear view is the rear view, click on over to order the furniture that will make your family room the “Best of Barrio” for 2012!

Mas…Pocho Ocho Cyber Lunes gift tips are just a clika guey

Ñewsweek: Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Señor Twinkie

There were these Pilgrims, OK? They were like undocumented boat people refugees fleeing religious oppression in England and they drove all the way to America. Err, sailed over. And there they met these Noble Native Americans who taught them how to plant corn with fish and everyone had this amazing turkey dinner together because they were all thankful.

Later on they killed each other for discounts on flat screen TVs and the chance to bust unions and bankrupt Twinkies. What? You missed these headlines? Here are the week’s big estories, as POCHO once again breaks the ñews:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Señor Twinkie

A chemistry geeks’ guide to Thanksgiving food chemistry (video)

Why do we eat mashed potatoes and not mashed paper towels? How does that turkey pop-up timer work? Belches? Farts? Join students at the Catholic University of America for this short lecture by Professor Diane Bunce. The 24-minute video is called Thanksgiving and Chemistry: What’s the connection?

POCHO Estaff Reports: The Real Turkeys of Thanksgiving

POCHO’s Especial Correspondents spread out across America yesterday observing Thanksgiving (just like normal people!) and sent in notes about their day. Some names were changed to avoid unpredictable results.  Read their stories and share your own in the comments!

Homeboy in East Los: My family’s so Mexican we carved the turkey with a switchblade ·IN MEMORY of SMILEY·

Dateline, Austin: MEChA cousin Xochiloctl is in the living room refusing to eat turkey and playing Call of Duty instead.

Nancy in Santana, the O.C.: That awkward moment when three-year-old Cousin Ricardo makes a big announcement that everybody better finish their plates because Mommy spent the whole day cooking the dog.

Mas…POCHO Estaff Reports: The Real Turkeys of Thanksgiving

Pocho Ocho tips for a successful if not safe and sane Black Friday

It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPad. So as a public service we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to make your Black Friday quest successful, if not totally safe and sane:

8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.

7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.

6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.

Mas…Pocho Ocho tips for a successful if not safe and sane Black Friday

Black Friday or ‘How I stabbed myself in the eye’

Hey, everybody! Here comes that most horrible days of days: Black Friday, or as I like to call it, stab-myself-in-the-eye-and-roll-under-a-bus day!

Black Friday makes me want to jump off a cliff into a pile of rusty knives. I can’t think of anything worse than waking up at the butt-crack of dawn to go shopping in a crowded mall full of deal-crazed screamy people while the smell of pretzel donuts fills the air and dance beats blast over the sound system.

Seriously, why are they always playing that horrible uplifting dance music? Are they trying to force me to be happy? Shopping is not Happy Time. I don’t want to do the sandbar shimmy while I try on pants, I want to feel awkward and inadequate like God intended.

Mas…Black Friday or ‘How I stabbed myself in the eye’

Pocho Ocho secrets of the first Thanksgiving

See this painting that is supposed to depict the first Thanksgiving? It’s wrong wrong wrong. What really went on at that epic feast so long ago? We’ve got eight things right here:

8. The frozen string beans in the casserole were past their sell-by date
7. Pilgrim Zephaniah Winslow = silent but deadly
6. Squanto’s succotash was really takeout from Fieri’s Tipi

Mas…Pocho Ocho secrets of the first Thanksgiving

On Black Friday, get P.O.S. Clothing for that you know who (video)

He’s not like every other guy — he’s a piece of shit — and P.O.S. Clothing is made just for him. Available at tasteless stores like Abercrombie & Fitch and Urban Outfitters starting Black Friday. Because the last thing you need in your life is a naked douchebag. (NSFW language.)

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Turkey al pastor tacos for Thanksgiving Day

Happy Mexican Thanksgiving Day!

Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really.

When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from a Puritan holiday in Englands. When it was the Reformation the Protestantes wanted to throw away all the Catholic holidays, even Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!

Gwell, I no happy with that. (I think the Indios here in this country oso no happy with the Puritans who bring disease and then take their land–I just saying.) Anyways, Thanksgiving oso is part of a festival of the harvest and for to celebrate special blessings. So to celebrate when the al pastor taco was invent and oso that the Mexican peoples were the first ones to make the turkey domesticate, I make the turkey al pastor taco.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Turkey al pastor tacos for Thanksgiving Day