Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Valentine’s Day Hot Salsa Blind Tasting Test

nolabelsalsaHola. Is Tia Lencha here. Happy Valemtines Day!

I haf the perfect parry idea. What is red and espicy and uses a blindfold? Get jur mind out of the basura (thas trash for you pochos.) Is the Valentimes Hot Sauce Taste Test. This is one test that is fun to estudy for!

What is it? Ju put numbers on little paper cups and then little bit of each of jur favorite hot sauces in the little paper cups. Ju can use Tapatio, Cholula, Bufalo, Red Rooster, what ever ju like. Then ju put a handkerchief to cover someone’s eyes and they taste. They try to guess which hot sauce is in each little cup. Fun, no?

How did I get the idea? A man propose marriage to me at Five Guys Hamburgers. Is true! I was order an hamburguesa (thas hamburger for you pochos). I want some salsa to put with my fries (it make the French fries more Mexican).

I ask for salsa packets at McDonalds when I go there. So I ask the guy taking my order at Five Guys for the salsa.

He say, “We have salsa. You want to try?”

I say, “Shure.”

Then he give me a little plastic cup with his “salsa.” I take the cup and smell it. “This is no salsa,” I say.

“What?” the guy say.

“No. This is Louisiana hot sauce.”

He was surprise. “How do you know just by smelling it?”

“Is easy, “ I say, “It has a vinegar base and is thin, not thick like salsa.”

“Are you married?,” he ask.

I laugh. Mijo was standing next to me made a fuchi face.

“Do you like Mexican food?” I ask.

“Yeah! My favorite place is Chipotle!” he say.

Mijo and I look at eash other.

“Why do you like Chipotle?” I ask.

“I love making a big Nachos Bell Grande,” he say.

Mijo and I look at eash other again.

“Don’t they have those at Taco Bell?” Mijo ask.

The guy look confuse. As ju can see, there is no way I could consider him for my novio.

Then I ask the guy for ketchup, mayonnaise, and grill onions on the side. I mix those with the Louisiana hot sauce to make a salsa for me and Mijo’s Mexican French fries. It was good, but real salsa is better.

I give a little bit of my fake salsa to the guy who propose to me. He like it.

“Salsa has little pieces of onion or peppers in it. Is not like the Louisiana hot sauce. Salsa is like me, and hot sauce is eskinny like a eskeleton lady mijo’s daddy divorce. Ju understand?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to marry me?” he say.

I smile at him and go back to the table where Mijo is finish eating.

“Les go, Mijo.”

“I think that guy wanted to give you his number,” Mijo say.

“I no think so,” I say.

To prove his love to me, a man has to know the different between hot sauce and salsa, and he has to know at least four different kinds of hot sauces without looking at the bottle.

And I cannot love a man who say he love Chipotle.

Reprinted with permission from Tia Lencha’s Blog.

Image via the Fresh Hot Sauce Blog