Kawaii cutie Yuka Kinoshita, or Kinoshita Yuka, (it depends) taste tests a Taco Bell “quesarito” and a 12-taco party pack. Taco Bell? It’s a popular American restaurant chain that specializes in Mexican food, according to her smart phone. Click on [CC] to see the English subtitles.
It’s warm inside, with TV and WiFi. There’s no food, though, so amigas Kiyah, Chloe and Tilly must now leave the house to undertake The Trip. But will they survive their “run to the border?”
We have no problem with the guy riding a horse, but with all the possible places for xlnt tacos in the Great State of Tejas, this baboso goes to Taco Bell?
When POCHO’s Associate Naranjero, the esteemed Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano, watched the video of BuzzFeed feeding Taco Bell to actual Mexicans (photo), he knew he needed to set the record straight regarding the yellow cheese that tops lots of Mexican-American food. Because queso, k no? Yellow cheese, says Gus, has an honorable history — and pocho cred. Also, BuzzFeed, FYI: Burritos, white rice and flour tortillas ARE “Mexican food,” doh!
Gus wrote the book, you know. Literally. It’s called TACO USA (How Mexican Food Conquered America).
And now, prepare your device and your mind will follow.
Why do Mexicans hate yellow cheese so much? (the video)
When BuzzFeed served some Taco Bell specialties to L.A. Mexicans, reactions were — let us say — mixed. We know it’s L.A. because they mention King Taco in East Los. Try it, you’ll like it. We also recommend Guisado on Cesar Chavez. And Eastside Luv right by Mariachi Plaza offers a great selection of refreshing beverages for an 80°March day like today.
Somewhere, over the double rainbows, there’s a place on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. And Honest Slogans, perfectly realized, from the Honest Slogans Tumblr.
(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Cheesy burrito fans and hashtag activists, your prayers have been answered! Taco Bell will debut a new menu item Monday – the Verso-Quesarito-Burrito, a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla with Mexican poetry written on the tortilla.
The VQB is a ground “beef” burrito with rice, chipotle sauce and reduced-fat sour cream in a grilled quesadilla full of melted American cheese.
You can also order the quesadilla-burrito hybrid with shredded chicken or steak. As an added bonus, the Verso-Quesarito-Burrito will feature poems written on the tortilla by Mexican day laborers. They’ll be versifying using only gluten-free ink, of course (photo.)
The mystery ended Tuesday as the fast-food chain came clean about the secret ingredients which the company says are all “completely safe and approved by the FDA.”
“They do have weird names,” Taco Bell wrote on its website, ”perfect for tongue twisters!…They’re common ingredients also found in food items at your grocery store.”
As a public service, we’re happy to present the complete list, as if any of you pochos go to Taco Bell at all:
I haf the perfect parry idea. What is red and espicy and uses a blindfold? Get jur mind out of the basura (thas trash for you pochos.) Is the Valentimes Hot Sauce Taste Test. This is one test that is fun to estudy for!
What is it? Ju put numbers on little paper cups and then little bit of each of jur favorite hot sauces in the little paper cups. Ju can use Tapatio, Cholula, Bufalo, Red Rooster, what ever ju like. Then ju put a handkerchief to cover someone’s eyes and they taste. They try to guess which hot sauce is in each little cup. Fun, no?
Gringo Patrick DeGuire grew up in Southern California so he knows his comida mexicana [NSFW adult humor.]
PREVIOUSLY ON TACO BELL:
(PNS reporting from BEVERLY HILLS) 2013 was a “Mestizo Year” for Chihuahuas in the media, according to the Mexican American Dog Defense and Education Fund’s (MADDEF) annual It’s A Dog’s Life report released here Monday.
The study carefully tallies and grades Chihuahua representations in pop culture (TV, radio, Internets, books, newspapers, magazines, videos, pop music, video games, etc.), scientifically sniffing the butt of America’s complicated relationship with the popular canine.
2013’s record was mixed, the group lamented, and the prospect of increased levels of anti-Chihuahua defamation in 2014 “remains troubling, especially in cyberspace, where mocking the perritos has become a viral ‘meme.'”
Since the death of superstar Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua in 2006, the image of all Chihuahuas has been on the decline, the study noted, presenting this widely-circulated and ignorantly-misspeeled illustration of an alleged “zombie” Chihuahua as just one piece of evidence (photo, right.)
Mills started the Facebook page “Taco Shells from Doritos Movement” in 2009, encouraging followers to “tell Frito-Lay that we demand nacho cheesy taco shells!”
On the page, Mills posted photoshopped images of well known figures including Albert Einstein with a cheesy taco shell in a thought bubble, Steve Jobs holding a Macbook with a cheesy taco shell on the screen and Chuck Norris doing a karate kick while holding a cheesy taco shell….
Student film? Bad Accent Video Theatre? Whatever! El Amor de Mi Amante is mini-telenovela brought to you by Taco Bell and this year’s hottest new fragrance — Twist!
PREVIOUSLY ON BAD SPANISH ACCENT VIDEO THEATRE:
(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Black coffee, menudo, In-N-Out, mota, maybe even a little hair of the dog — all common hangover remedies, right? But according to a study from Mexican culinary genius Rick Bayless, a new discovery might have them all beat: 7-Up.
“People have helplessly suffered hangovers forever and without any kind of cure. Well, I have discovered the single greatest hangover cure of all-time and can back it up with scientific evidence. No one has ever thought of this before…it’s 7-Up, my friends. You’re welcome!” Bayless told PNS.
According to either the National Taco Industry Council, or some drunk person who also just made this up, today is National Taco Day in the United Estates.
And it says so, on to the online hub of this holiday, NationalTacoDay.com:
In 2012, Americans ate 4.5 billion tacos!
That’s 490,000 miles of tacos, which could take you to the moon and back or, if you prefer, could, at 775-million pounds, equal the weight of two Empire State Buildings.
Damn, that just makes me feel fat. Also on their site, they state oddly that:
(PNS reporting from TAMPA) Chicano actor Jesse Borrego, famous for Blood In, Blood Out, is set to unveil a new salsa that he says will “light a fire under your ass!”
The salsa, named “Chinga Tu Madre!” will be sold in cans only and is slated for release this September by the Rick Bayless Division of Frito Lay.
Borrego invited PNS to sample some of the salsa Tuesday at what he calls his “private office.”
(PNS reporting from ALAMEDA) If the Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell are not satisfying your diarrheal needs, don’t worry!
The chain is introducing a chef Rick Bayless-inspired burrito that features Flamin’ Hot Fritos corn chips as a summer-only item until early August.
The burrito, which will retail for 99 cents, has rice, warm nacho cheese, beef, sour cream, and Flamin’ Hot Fritos corn chips cultivated by Bayless himself, deep in the villages of Oaxaca.
Taco Bell’s latest offering — Artisanal Soft-Shell Tacos — became available in several test markets across America today. The proprietary softening process uses only natural organic softeners (shown here being applied by a Taco Bell artisan chef) to turn crispy Cool Ranch Doritos taco shells into something foldable, stuffable and, ultimately, eatable. Try some today!
Eric Brown, 36, of Pt. Lucie, FL, is awaiting an arraignment for “assault” because he allegedly threw a Taco Bell burrito in his 16-year-old brother-in-law’s face.
Just so you don’t run afoul of the Law of Burritos, make note of the pocho ocho things you should never EVER do with a Taco Bell burrito:
8. Smoosh it in a 16-year-old’s face
7. Use it as a suppository
6. Mix with papier mache to make a piñata
The Land of Kung Pow! is a foreign country — they do things differently there.
POCHO’s Lalo Alcaraz, Jefe-in-Chief, and Al Madrigal, Migrant Editor, Skype truth to power in PochoCast Number Four.
The long-distance interlocutors are all about Cinco de Mayo fever, Mexican Mitt Romney, Gustavo Arellano, Taco John’s, SB1070, Obama, the Dream Act, Los Lobos, Latino USA, Taco USA, La Cucaracha, Ann Romney, Twitter, hate mail, the Politico blog, FU money, MEChA, the Walmart Mexico bribery scandal, and this guy Al knows.
Although the podcast is recommended listening for your morning commute, do not listen while shaving, frying bacon (naked or not) or inserting contact lenses due to danger of cuts, burns and/or pokes in the eye. No warranty expressed or implied. Your mileage may vary. We don’t speak your crazy moon language.