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Pocho Ocho most alarming symptoms of RNC Treasonnaires’ Disease
(PNS reporting from CLEVELAND) Jailhouse emergency wards here are filling up with RNC delegates placed on 72-hour mental health holds following “disturbing the peace” arrests.
Clevelanders have been swamping 911 with reports of out-of-town Republicans incoherently screaming, “acting all hatey ‘n’ shit,” and/or “dreaming impossible dreams” after being ordered to cease and desist.
“If the cops don’t immediately drop whatever they’re doing and investigate Michelle Obama’s ‘connection in ISIS who gives her steroids,’ for example,” one ER intake psychiatrist told PNS Sunday, “these GOP loconauts accuse the police of treason. That’s why we’re calling the mass derangement syndrome Treasonnaires’ Disease.”
How can YOU tell if a delegate to the Republican National Convention might be suffering from Treasonnaires’ Disease?
Here are the Pocho Ocho Most Alarming Symptoms:
8. PARANOIA: Scared of real-life encounters with “those Negro actors” who starred in The Cleveland Show.
7. ACTING OUT/ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR: “Open carries” an AR-15, drinks Heinz 57 and huffs WD-40.
6. VIOLENT VERBAL OUTBURSTS: “Who let Obama in my mama jama’s ding dong?” one patient asked, over and over. Bless his sweet heart.
Mas…Pocho Ocho most alarming symptoms of RNC Treasonnaires’ Disease
‘Study Abroad’ gringa is slow to realize she’s really in Califas
Tip from ex-Facebook friend breaks bad news
(PNS reporting from SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA) A “Study Abroad” student received some upsetting news last week when she realized nothing around her looked like the Lonely Planet guidebook she was carrying.
Becky Miller, a 21-year old geography major from Louisville, KY, was scheduled to spend three months in San Jose studying Spanish as a student with Veritas University. Her plans are now very much in doubt after she blew most of her savings in central California on San Jose Shark hockey games and visiting the Winchester Mystery Mansion.
Mas…‘Study Abroad’ gringa is slow to realize she’s really in Califas
New stamp honors Profe Jaime Escalante (‘Stand and Deliver’)
The United States Postal Service picked the 87th conference of the League of United Latin American Citizens (LULAC) Wednesday in Washington, D.C. to premiere its stamp honoring Jaime Escalante, the East Los high school math teacher who was the hero of the film Stand and Deliver.
Edward J. Olmos played Escalante in the film (video below).
Mas…New stamp honors Profe Jaime Escalante (‘Stand and Deliver’)
BREAKING: Bernie Bros’ exploding heads spur FBI zombie alert
(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) The FBI is warning citizens to be on the lookout for hungry zombies attracted by the brains spewed from the exploding heads of diehard Bernie Bros.
Bernie Sanders supporters’ brains, the Feds said, are piling up on the streets of gentrified neighborhoods across America.
The brainiac explosions followed Sanders’ endorsement of Democratic presidential nomination rival Hillary Clinton this morning.
“These zombies especially love the entitled taste of Bernie Bro brains,” FBI spokesman Whitman “Ken” Jump told a press conference here today (photo). “We’re calling them Zombros.“
Mas…BREAKING: Bernie Bros’ exploding heads spur FBI zombie alert
Batsh1t crazy TX Rep. Louie Gohmert: Beware of gays in space! (videos)
Congressman Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) has deep feels about his gay brothers and sisters in space because an asteroid killed the dinosaurs and what about extra-terrestrial colonies like Matt Damon and God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. He shared his concerns on the floor of the United States House of Representatives in late May.
Mas…Batsh1t crazy TX Rep. Louie Gohmert: Beware of gays in space! (videos)
Adult Coloring Book: Police victim of the week (toon)
[Check out more images from artist Ricardo Islas here.]
Webcam video: Stunning double rainbow forms over Mexico City
Mexico City got a treat Tuesday when a double rainbow formed over Santa Fe in the western part of the city. A webcam on top of the Hotel Presidente InterContinental captured the arc’s formation as the sun returned following a rainstorm.
The best! Classy! Poop Head Donald Trump Dog Poop Bags
People, let me tell you — and I’m being honest here — these dog poop bags are absolutely the best dog poop bags. We used to be number one in dog poop bags. But not anymore, folks.
There has been a terrible schlonging in the poop bag market. And you know Hillary’s not going to fix it. But I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. I’m very rich and I’m very attracted to my daughter. I mean, just look at those legs.
Pinche pocha wakes up from surgery talking like a bloody Brit (video)
A ruca Tejana named Lisa Alamia had jaw surgery and emerged from the operation with a British accent.
It’s a rare but documented medical condition called foreign accent syndrome that typically occurs after people emerge from comas and other brain trauma.
This pinche pocha claims that the only foreign country she’s ever been to is Mexico — and we don’t mean San Antonio. Lisa doesn’t even watch Downton Abbey, let alone eat fish and chips.
Mas…Pinche pocha wakes up from surgery talking like a bloody Brit (video)
Deported moms in Tijuana long for families, work for reform (video)
In Dreaming in Tijuana deported mothers fight for immigration reform in the United States. The anguish of family separation has turned them into activists who promote the U.S. Latino vote from the Mexican side of the world’s “most transited” border. [Video via Univision.]
Study: Trump “deranges” bridge players’ “no trump” games – or not
In competitive bridge, where card players employ a “no trump” game, the real world “yes Trump” manifestation is causing players to become “subtly deranged,” researchers reported on Friday.
Or maybe not. StatNews reports:
Mas…Study: Trump “deranges” bridge players’ “no trump” games – or not
President Trump presents his new, yuuuge border wall (video)
“It’s the best wall ever,” says President Trump. “It’s amazing! No more mariachis interrupting your dinner!”
Words of the prophet are written on the subway wall (videos)
The words of the prophet are written on the subway wall — in this case the Carroll Street F/G stop in Brooklyn.
Mas…Words of the prophet are written on the subway wall (videos)
Chicago to Mexico City: We stand with the teachers of Oaxaca (posters)
Chicago artist CHema Skandal! is standing with the teachers of Oaxaca and designed these posters in support. “OaxaCAN!” he notes. Multiforo Alicia — a DF cultural center — is printing and distributing them in Mexico City.
Mas…Chicago to Mexico City: We stand with the teachers of Oaxaca (posters)