Latinos take week off to celebrate Catholicism’s cultural rape

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(PNS reporting from LATIN AMERICA) Millions of Latin Americans are on vacation this week to celebrate Semana Santa, a festival to commemorate the desecration of the region’s native cultures and the Spaniards’ forceful imposition of Catholicism through celestial acts such as rape, pillage and genocide.

Holy Week, where children are off school and adults binge drink, gives Latin Americans time to reflect upon Jesus Christ’s selfless sacrifice for humanity, despite the fact that 500 years earlier no one on this side of the world had heard of him and worshiped far cooler Gods of the sun, rain and maize. Catholic cathedrals across the region are certain to be packed with Aztec, Mayan and Inca descendants, all to give thanks and praise to a merciful God coerced into their societies by armed, greed-fueled colonialists spreading the heavenly message of El Espíritu Santo.

Mas…Latinos take week off to celebrate Catholicism’s cultural rape

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mijo’s Manly Breakfast Burrito

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The other day mijo say he gwanted a burrito for breakfast.

“OK,” I say, and I start to look for my refry beans.

“No,” mijo say. That is the burrito you make me gwhen I was little.”

“Ju don’t like it?” I say.

“I gwant somesing more like for a man.”

“A man?”

“Ju know, a man that goes to gwork and he has a burrito wrapped in aluminio.” (That’s aluminum foil for ju pochos).

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mijo’s Manly Breakfast Burrito

Jesus, please! What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ (video)

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When Juanita Carmelita throws an Easter party for the kids, she’s expecting the Easter Bunny to make a guest appearance. But the costume store is out of bunny costumes, so a long-haired bearded Savior-looking guy in robes shows up instead. Dare we expect . . . . a MIRACLE? [Frankie Quiñones stars as Juanita Carmelita.]

PREVIOUSLY ON JUANITA CARMELITA:

Mas…Jesus, please! What do you mean ‘No Easter Bunny?’ (video)

Hebrew homies Jaquann and Luis make matzo balls (NSFW video)

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On Passover (“Pesach” in Hebrew), los Judios eat “bitter herbs” to remember “the bitterness of slavery in Egypt.” In this video, Hebrew homeboys Jaquann and Luis start out with a sweeter herb and then have to satisfy their munchies with matzo balls. Passover starts Monday night a little after 4:20 — sundown, to be exact. (NSFW drugs and language.)

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