Lalo Alcaraz Commencement Speech
for UC Berkeley’s College of Environmental Design, May 17, 2015
Hello Wurster Hall Class of 2015!
Good evening graduates and long suffering families.
CONGRATULATIONS PARENTS! YOU’RE ALMOST FREE.
And graduates, it won’t cost you anything: how about the loudest most tremendous cheer for your families?!
Good, NOW this is sounding like the Chicano/Latino graduation! Next year, may I suggest mariachis?
Democratic Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez, from Orange County, put her foot in her mouth on Saturday, and she used her hand to do it.
In a speech to Indian American Democrats, she whooped up an “American Indian war cry.”
She was confused, she told a group of Indian American at a party convention in Anaheim, about an upcoming meeting with an Indian American.
“I am going to his office,” she said, “thinking that I am going to meet with a” — then she put her hand over mouth and made the noise that is the stereotypical imitation of a American Indian war cry. “Right? … because he said Indian American.”
Mas…Rep. Sanchez mocks American Indians in talk to Indian Americans
Frankie Quiñones is a happy guëy — he has a white friend!
The new DEUCE app is #1 when it comes to scheduling your #2s.
Mas…There’s a poop for that! DEUCE schedules your sh!ts (video)
(PNS reporting from ALTADENA) Javier “Flaco” Hernandez outraged his family Sunday night when he refused to eat his bowl of menudo.
“It’s yucky!” the 8-year-old shouted as he repeatedly banged his spoon on the dinner table and insisted on pizza instead.
Flaco’s refusal ticked off his mom, who had spent hours preparing the beef stomach broth in the kitchen of their tidy suburban Los Angeles County bungalow.
Rula the parrot, from Tracy, in San Joaquin County, is a dirty-mouthed bird according to Spanish-speaking — and Spanish-HEARING — neighbors. Or not. The animal authorities have been advised of the situation, but none of their on-staff critter wranglers are bilingual.
PREVIOUSLY ON PARROTS WHO ESPEAK SPANISH:
Mas…Neighbors complain local parrot curses in Spanish, or not (video)
“Okay, podemos ir a caminar pero si te cansas, es tu problema. No cargo bebes,” Lina says meanly to her four-year-old cousin.
“I’m not a baby!” says Teresita predictably but then insists on bringing her large plastic car, a hideous yellow contraption with giant painted eyeballs instead of headlights. Teresita gets in the toy car and looks at Lina expectantly. Lina sighs and begins to push her down the street.
“This is just a stroller, you know.” Lina grumbles. “You’re not making any progress into becoming a real person.”
Teresita either does not hear or pretends not to understand the English sentence. Lina suspects that rather than being a child “confused by the dichotomies of her bilingual upbringing” as the pre-school teacher suggested, that Teresita is just selectively deaf.
The notorious goat sucker is coming to NYC, so watch out!
An oblivious criminal crimes away an iPad during a “live shot” in the press room of the Club Atlético Independiente in Buenos Aires. ¡No era penal!
Blue bean, brown bean, we’re all beans inside, on BOTH SIDES of the Border. [This video by Belgian studio Plan 78 Animation is part of the 12 Minutes About Peace project.]
Mas…Beans cross the line in a battle on the ‘Border’ (videos)
They taste sort of like Mexican Twinkies, or Cool Ranch Doritos, or chips … until they don’t.
How long will it take competitive eater Matt “Megatoad” Stonie to polish off the 2-pound Burritozilla from Iguanas in San Jose, CA? [POCHO NEWS INTERJECTION: San Jose will soon to be re-named Sanjay, CA.] The last time Megatoad tried to scarf down a Burritozilla, it took him 15 minutes.
PREVIOUSLY ON EATING CHALLENGE VIDEOS:
Mas…Watch: Competitive eater Megatoad vs 2-pound ‘Burritozilla’
Like puro pochos, the peeps at Latino USA talk Spanglish. In this episode they talk about their favorite Spanglish vocabulary words and also check in with expert and POCHO amigo Professor Ilan Stavans, who literally wrote the book on Spanglish.
Mas…Latino USA: Favorite Spanglish words and Ilan Stavans (audio)
China and India now top Mexico as leading sources of new immigrants to the United Estates, new data reveals.
What are the Pocho Ocho top changes we can expect from these evolving patterns in immigration?
8. Indian actors will replace Puerto Ricans playing Mexicans on TV
7. San Jose, California will be known as Sanjay, California
6. White people will be considered “the model minority”
Mas…Pocho Ocho changes to expect after Indios + Chinos > Mexicanos
In Los Angeles, everyone eats at taco trucks. [Video by Ran Zhang.]
“Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone,” Ry Cooder sings. “Let’s pretend that we’re together all alone. I’ll tell the man to turn the juke box way down low. And you can tell your friend there with you HE’LL HAVE TO GO.” And then Flaco Jimenez plays.
Can intrepid POCHO Associate Naranjero Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano and OC Weekly colleague Nick Schou make it through the Nuke Burger, said to be the hottest/spiciest hamburger in Orange County?
How spicy is it? The OC Weekly’s Charles Lam reports:
The Nuke Burger [at Bombburger in Huntington Beach] is quite possibly the spiciest burger in Orange County at the moment, featuring a who’s who’s list of hottest peppers in the world (Scorpion and Reaper for you pepper heads, as well as Ghost Pepper Jack Cheese).
Key & Peele present the Promised Land for People of Color — in Negrotown. [NSFW audio F-bomb, N-word, totally F-in worth it.]
Mas…Key & Peele: Everything’s great in ‘Negrotown’ (NSFW video)
Somehow this looks and sounds familiar….
PREVIOUSLY ON STUFF LIKE THIS:
Our Mexican friends have many misconceptions about today’s American celebration of El Ocho de Mayo. It is NOT the day the British burned the White House, for example, and it is NOT the day Gerry Rivers became Geraldo Rivera.
Help a hermano out with the Pocho Ocho Top Facts Mexicans Should Know about El Ocho de Mayo:
8. Best (Hellman’s in the East) Mayonnaise — El Jefe de Mayo — first introduced on this day in 1915.
7. Mayo West did not invent the life vest but she did flash her chichis to the sailors of the aircraft carrier USS Hooter on this day in 1942.
6. The Mayo Clinic — originally established to seek cures for La Cruda — opened its doors on this day in 1955.
Mas…Pocho Ocho Important Facts for Mexicans about El Ocho de Mayo
The Leipzig Torn And Restored Paper Effect is a classic routine for sleight-of-hand parlor magicians. In this new video, Scott Alexander presents the prestidigitation trick “Mexican” estyle, which involves a bad bigote, a sombrero, and is that a zerape? K tricky, no? These magic papeles are for sale — only with a magician’s recommendation, of course — but if you buy them, ask the company to make the stereotypes disappear, OK?
How does Mexican artist Carlos Amorales hang a massive mobile sculpture called Triangle Constellation from the glass roof of the courtyard of an art museum at Harvard? Very very carefully.
Mas…Mexican sculptor and his sculpture go to Harvard (video)
