Gustavo Arellano to UC Riverside grads: ‘You are secular saints’

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gusgradSaturday morning, I had the honor of giving the commencement speech at UC Riverside’s College of Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences for their Sociology, Philosophy, Neuroscience, and Psychology students (what a mouthful!).

Following are my prepared remarks, which I mostly hewed to. I did begin my speech with an explanation of what ustedes and y’all meant, and the pocos pero locos line was improvised and laughed at by about three people.

Anyhoo, enjoy!

Let’s start with an experiment, shall we?

I want all the psychology majors to stand up? Applaud them, por favor, for getting to this special day.

Mas…Gustavo Arellano to UC Riverside grads: ‘You are secular saints’

eBay bidding has begun! @LaloAlcaraz’ AZTEC SK8R UPDATED*

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Completed Paintingobjects-0134I started this painting last week as part of a series of Mexicas (Aztecs) living and reacting to today’s world.

I was reminded of on-again, off-again modern-day Mexicas by a hate letter/post I got from the organizer and head poobah of a brown “self-hate” group, the Mexica Movement.

These geniuses are the Chicano equivalent of the kooky Westboro Baptist Church, except that instead of attacking everyone for living alongside gays, they attack their own community of Raza for such crimes as drawing a nationally-syndicated comic strip, or daring to perform Aztec Dance.

Mas…eBay bidding has begun! @LaloAlcaraz’ AZTEC SK8R UPDATED*

Abuela with iPad terrorizes area family via Facebook

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IGgrannyipad(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Rigoberto “Rigo” Chavez, 15, cringed in horror when he logged into Facebook Thursday morning and received a notification that his abuelita had once again commented on his status.

The high school junior had posted a status that read “$waaaag$” and Abuelita replied in ALL CAPS:

CACHORRITO ERES LA LUZ DE MI VIDA. CUIDATE MUCHO TE QUIERO

Mas…Abuela with iPad terrorizes area family via Facebook

Guadalajara kids dance with swastikas. No prob, OK? (video)

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nazisWhat exactly is going on here? Sure, the swastika is/was an ancient symbol of good luck that has been tarnished by the slaughter of untold millions, but wassup with the Nazi-rally-sounding soundtrack? And the flags? And the stormtrooper choreography? The uploader says this video is from May 31 in Guadalajara, Mexico. It doesn’t seem very indigenous folkloristic to us. It’s more like Springtime for Hitler in Mexico.

Mas…Guadalajara kids dance with swastikas. No prob, OK? (video)

Coming Soon: Attack of the 14-Year-Old Black Girl!

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texaspoliceComing soon from McKinney, Texas Police Productions, it’s the next summer horror science fiction cop flick, Attack of the 14-Year-Old Black Girl!

A frightening teen girl in a bikini terrorizes the police force of a small Texas suburb, making them respond with excessive force and brutality reserved only for the worst of America’s swimming thugs!

Who will protect our nation’s pool parties from this monster? Rated R for Racist!

Featuring Emma Stone as the Asian Neighbor.

Mas…Coming Soon: Attack of the 14-Year-Old Black Girl!

Food blogger La Quirky discovers the joys of Mexican mangos (video)

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La Quirky Nancy discovers mangos in East LA and lives to tell about it. #laQuirky #Columbusing

PREVIOUSLY ON DISCOVERING MEXICAN MANGOS:

Quirky food video blogger katie q discovered this totally delicious new healthy food treat LOL OMG. Latino-style people eat this all the time, I’m so sure! It’s a fruit they call a “mango” and they squeeze lime juice on it and add hot sauce, just like you put mousse on your hair when you go out clubbing. Srsly, is this quirky or what?

Mas…Food blogger La Quirky discovers the joys of Mexican mangos (video)

Demons attack Christian pastor during Nicaragua exorcism (video)

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sprayinginsideSet your Magic Holy Water Squeeze & Spray Plastic Atomizer on Maximum Ojo as a “Christian Pastor Is Attacked By Evil Spirit On Camera,” according to the LiveLeak uploader:

MANAGUA, NICARAGUA (Central America) 6 dolls made from cloth and drenched in unknown blood were left on the frontyard of a house, the residents claim that now the house is inundated with evil spirts [sic].

Mas…Demons attack Christian pastor during Nicaragua exorcism (video)

Local girl crumbles under stress of learning cousins’ names

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schoolgirl(PNS reporting from EL MONTE) The pressure was too much for Marisol Cruz, a fourth grader at Fernando Valenzuela Elementary, who collapsed on the playground Friday afternoon.

Friends said Marisol was a total stressball since her mother told her to memorize all of her cousins’ names before her upcoming primera comunión fiesta.

“I have like 80 cousins!” the Penn Mar Avenue resident told PNS after she had calmed down and accepted a bag of Takis as an incentive to talk.

“It’s not my fault Mama and Papa have like 20 brothers and sisters each! I just can’t remember them all. Call me ‘Mari’ by the way.”

Mari listed the names:

Mas…Local girl crumbles under stress of learning cousins’ names

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