When he taught ESL, POCHO amigo Eric Holland learned that a song is a great way to teach students a new language. He wrote this song to teach English-speaking [adult] gabachos a few useful words en Español.
PREVIOUSLY ON ERIC HOLLAND:
Mexican and U.S. brewers have reinvented Donald Trump as a gun-slinging mariachi to promote a new beer celebrating cross-border cooperation.
(PNS reporting from the EEUU) Tex-Mex restaurants across the country are banding together this week to ensure the flawed traditions of margaritas, sombreros, maracas, bastardized Mexican food and overall cultural cluelessness are again propagated upon masses of uninformed Americans this Cinco De Mayo.
In 1959, country singer Larry Bryant released a 45 celebrating his love of Tiquela & Mexican Beer. Music trade magazine Billboard called it “interesting” — not a good sign — and the record never made much of a splash.
But the original 45 (#101 — the first release?) on Santa Fe Records is a $25 collector’s item these days, so Bryant and friends were validated over 50 years later.
And even though his speeling is owlfull, we’re 100% in agreement with Larry’s high opinion of the aforementioned beverages, as well as his love for Mexican señoritas, tacos, tortillas and beans.
It’s an old Irish proverb, according to video makers Sergio Gonzalez and Adam McCoy:
A man takes a drink,
Then a drink takes a drink,
Then the drink takes the man.
Read these instructions from the creators before attempting to view this video:
Nothing like a cool refreshing cerveza on a hot dusty desert day. El Mexican gets all that, and more.
Is Tia Lencha here. Today we make a salsa that is the colors of the Mexican bandera (flag for you pochos).
Tia Lencha is all dress in her green, white, and red to celebrate El Grito, but all of her pocho and gringo friends is a little confuse. They are no in the streets today, wearing the big sombreros, fake bigotes (mustaches for you pochos), and drinking like pescados (fish for you pochos.)
September 16 is the day for the Mexicans to celebrate 200 years free from Christopher Colombus and his amigos, and Indians turning on their own people, and diseases, and dying by the millions, and survive only to be treated like caca by the colonizers.
Thas a lot to celebrate if ju ask Tia Lencha.
Do you have a TV? Do you like to drink beer? Good for you, idiot — you have met the minimum requirements for sports fandom. But how do smart people drink and yell at the screen (often at the same time)? Watch and learn.
PREVIOUSLY ON IDIOT’S GUIDE:
A gringo goes to Tijuana to meet the men, both tecnicos and rudos, behind in the masks of lucha libre.
Crack open a cold Bud Lite for San Antonio’s Albert Rios, our Pocho of the Week, to celebrate his positive attitude and preparedness to ride out this past weekend’s major flooding in style. Rios, who was ready with raft, beer and river shoes when the waters hit, launched into the suburban river like a modern-day Tom Sawyer. Chances are, he was blasting Rush’s Tom Sawyer during his epic ride, which lasted half a block, just long enough to suck down that beer.
Baseball season starts Monday. For me, it means six months of praying and hoping that the Dodgers can turn their billion-dollar payroll into championship glory.
Those Dodger games can be expensive and explosive. There is nothing better than sitting through the United States’ answer to the soccer (including riots if you show up wearing the wrong cap.) So here is a guide to surviving your outing with Los Doyers.
TIP #1: Be prompt: The reason you want to be there is merely for seating. With the right kind of heart, you can treat the experience like an event with general admission. Do not get greedy.
If you have nosebleed ZZZ tickets, don’t try to sneak in to the A+ section behind luminary celebrities like Fred Savage or one of the Real Housewives. Row G is good enough. Most Dodger fans do not show until the fourth inning anyway. Do not get disheartened if you get kicked out by the real owner. Just pretend to be confused and act like my Tia Chicha trying to set up a DVR. Then be brazen and try to slide into Row F.