Here’s Thursday’s weather forecast for Houston, Texas, via Nova Scotia, Canadia, provided by Internetz Weather Expert FRANKIE:
Heavy Rain is on its way for Houston Texas on Thursday January 22, 2015 and it will bring 30+ mm of rain and the Heaviest Rain will be in Southeastern Texas Including Houston and Galveston and the Center of the Low Pressure System is Heading into the Gulf of Mexico that will cause a lot of Rain in Houston Texas and the Surrounding Areas and it will be a lot of Rain in Southeastern Texas Including Houston and it will bring Windy Conditions and the Thursday will not be a good day to Head to the Beach in Galveston Texas and it will bring Windy Conditions in Houston Texas and the Surrounding Areas and People in Houston Texas Be Prepared have your Rubber Boots, Rain Coats and Rain Suits Ready and when you are walking Wear your Rain Gear, Rubber Boots and Rain Coats to keep you Dry and have your Umbrella Ready and Don’t Walk Through the Puddles and Avoid the Puddles when you are going for a walk and it will be Very Wet Conditions in Southeastern Texas Including Houston on Thursday January 22, 2015 and it will Not be a Good Day to Head down to the Beach to Go Swimming in Galveston Texas and Order your Pizzas and Chinese Food and Buy cases of Pepsi and Coke and have your iPads, iPods, Cell Phones, Laptops and Tablets Charged and have your 3G and 4G Internet Ready since it will be Very Wet and Rainy down in Houston Texas on Thursday and if you have anybody living in Houston Texas Be Prepared for the Heavy Rain on Thursday January 22, 2015 Take Care and Stay Safe and Don’t Get Caught in the Heavy Rain Stay Dry and Be Safe.
Nearly half the US-Mexican border is now patrolled by Border Patrol Predator B2 drones, according to the Associated Press, and the government plans to expand the strategy to the Canadian border.
The Mexican Curling Team that will be going for gold at the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang 2018 is training hard. Your modest cash contribution can help these brave young vatos as they go to SWEEP THE GOLD!
How did they get started with this less-than-mainstream sport? Consuela, of course:
Ih the glorious echo-ey Millennium Centre in downtown Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canuckia, the a cappella harmonies of The Mariachi Ghost almost bring the weeping, legendary La LLorona to life.
PREVIOUSLY ON LA LLORONA:
ZOMG, just in time! Us idiots have been trying to understand the appeal of sweet-tongued Canuckian bullshitter Malcolm Gladwell with the ‘fro and the dimples. Turns out he appeals to people who think he knows what he’s talking about and agree with him, the Smart People in this video.
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PREVIOUSLY ON NATIVES:
(PNS reporting from MONTREAL) A Los Angeles man who had not been heard from since he fled to Canada in 1970 to avoid the Vietnam War draft has been found in Montreal, according to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
When Albert “Sleepy” Dominguez missed the 1970 Chicano Moratorium in Los Angeles, noone knew he had quietly slipped out of the country the night before to go underground and avoid conscription to Vietnam.
Dominguez, then 19 years old, went so underground that neither family, friends nor the U.S. government could locate him to inform him that he was never, in fact, drafted.
(PNS reporting from MONTREAL, QUEBEC) Authorities here are scrambling to halt the spread of a Mexicanized version of poutine, Canada’s beloved national dish of French fries covered with gravy and cheese.
The increasingly-popular poutine burrito, known as a “pou-to” or “poutito” (photo, above) has already swept through Montreal, and officials fear “pou-tos” will cross the Quebec provincial border into neighboring Ontario.
Tea Partier Ted Cruz, the Canadian United States Senator (R-TX), hates avocados, the fruit of a tree native to Mexico and Central America, classified in the flowering plant family Lauraceae along with cinnamon, camphor and bay laurel.
We just learned from a blog post that this Canuckian “public servant” allegedly confessed his shameful prejudice in an interview last October, but sometime since then, the original evidence mysteriously disappeared.
(Crack Malaysian detectives are investigating the disappearance.)
Of course, this Grand Old Pendejo official has many other skeletors in his closet — the Pocho Ocho Other Things Sen. Ted Cruz Hates Besides Avocados:
8. LIFE cereal.
7. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
6. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Here are the Pocho Ocho reasons why:
They’re on guard all across Los Angeles — the dedicated officers of L.A. Illegal Canadian Enforcement (LA-ICE) — keeping us safe from the border-crashing Canuckians hordes of the Great White North. In this episode, the LA-ICE team investigates a motorist suspected of Driving While Canadian.
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PREVIOUSLY BY JIMWICH:
(PNS reporting from DALLAS) Like Barack Obama before him, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) is fighting doubts he is really a “natural born citizen” of the United States, a question he must settle before he runs for president.
“I am a proud Kenyadian,” the beaming senator told reporters here this morning as he displayed a copy of his birth certificate. The official record shows his mother was born in Delaware, his father is from Cuba, and Cruz was born in Kenyada.
(PNS reporting from CANADIA) David Pérez became the first NAFTA mojado when he crossed illegally into Canadia Saturday.
The undocumented worker from Jalpa, Zacatecas first crossed the Rio Grande into the United States near San Elizario, TX, 10 years ago seeking employment in El Norte.
After working in El Paso for a year doing construction, he continued north, staying with relatives in Denver, Chicago, and Minnesota.
“I kept searching for El Norte and there was always more Norte to explore,” Pérez told PNS.
When you have no gravity but want a sammich on the International Space Station, what’s a hungry astronaut to do? Canuckian spaceman Chris Hadfield makes outer space burritos with peanut butter and honey.
WAIT! WE HAVE ANOTHER SPACE BURRITO VIDEO:
The patriots of the Motor City aren’t fooled by Canadia’s plans to pay for a new international bridge to replace the aging Ambassador Bridge to Windsor, Ontario. The Daily Show‘s Jon Stewart sent Al Madrigal to Detroit (and Canadia!) to find out why soccer moms, Tea Partiers and the Black Panthers are all opposed to this suspicious scheme. SPOILER: Cheap milk and Chinamen. Disclaimer: Madrigal is POCHO’s Migrant Editor.
President Obama’s groundbreaking executive order halting the deportation of innocent kids brought cheers and hateful feedback from the right wing mediocracy, more Mexicans are bypassing the U.S. and heading to Canadia and a mathematician proved Chicanos have only one degree of separation.
The most popular POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week are right here:
What if the Insane Clown Posse moved to French Canadia and made a Spanglish hip-hop video in an insane asylum? Mira! This crazy video by The O.C. comes from the Montreal Hip-Hop en Español scene. The O.C.is a duo made up of MCs Chele and One from Heavy Soundz and featuring many members of the Del Mondongo crew. Del Mondongo is a label/collective formed by a circle of Latino MCs: Boogat, Alquimia Verbal and Heavy Soundz – two all-star hip-hop crews that splinter into different side and solo projects. Loco, eh? (Crazy NSFW language.)
Gov. Jerry Brown has sworn in UC Riverside professor Juan Felipe Herrera as California’s Poet Laureate — the first Chicano to get the honor. In this video, Herrera reads his poem 187 reasons Mexicanos can’t cross the border. The poem illustrates the difference between Jerry Brown’s California and Jan Brewer’s Hate State of Arizona, where Mexican-American Studies are outlawed. Cali isn’t perfect, but at least we know where we came from.
A busy ñewsweek brought the return to glory of the original self-deportationist, Daniel D. Portado, who, it turns out, is a fictional character created by POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz; an Alabama plan to import Canadians to replace the immigrant labor that used to keep the state running; and militant MEChA murmurings about the Lack of Visible Latinos in the hit BBC/PBS series Downton Abbey.
Other top stories included First Lady Michelle Obama’s partnership with Caribbean food conglomerate Goya and the astounding “installation art” of Ramiro Gomez, Jr. Here’s our big list: