christmas

Epistle to the Internets: ‘Jesus Had A Jewish Mother’ (toon)

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jesusjewishmother“Mom, how many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?”

“Don’t worry about me, Sammy, I’ll just sit here in the dark.” [RIMSHOT.]

Was it any different for Jesus of Nazareth and his Jewish mother Mary?

Cartoonista Idan Schneider answers the kvetching question as the toon continues here: Jesus Had A Jewish Mom.

PREVIOUSLY ON JUDIOS:

Mas…Epistle to the Internets: ‘Jesus Had A Jewish Mother’ (toon)

Bob Dylan, Norteño-style: ‘It Must Be Santa’ (music video)

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Who’s got a beard that’s long and white?
Santa’s got a beard that’s long and white
Who comes around on a special night?
Santa comes around on a special night
Special night, beard that’s white
Must be Santa, must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

(Listen closely as Bob Dylan lists Santa’s eight reindeer — names not in the official lyrics: “Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon; Carter, Reagan, Bush and Clinton”.)

Thanks to Bill Vitka for the link.

All I want for Xmas is a burrito-wrapped baby in a tamal-looking hat

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burritobabyRunning out of Christmas gift ideas for the little pochito in your life?

How about doubling down with a Comida Mexicana duo that wraps your baby up like a burrito in a tortilla-colored blanket and keeps his/her cute little cabeza warm with a hat that looks like the corn husk knot that secures tamales?

Bon Vivant Baby has you covered for only $48.  [Baby not included.]

PREVIOUSLY ON BURRITO-LOOKING BABIES:

Link via MiBlogEsTuBlog.

Editor’s Note: POCHO Subcomandanta del Ñews Sara Inés Calderón wants to remind you it is one tamal and two tamales; one frijol, two frijoles; one asshol, two assholes, etc.

Will Shakila’s ‘Feliz Navidad’ win the next ‘Christmas Idol’? (video)

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The Christmas Idol panel of judges is a tough one. Santa Claus, Lady Sharoun the Purple and Jesus H. Christ Himself have power to make a contestant’s dreams come true. Can Shakila (Roberta Valderrama) win them over with her hot hot hot version of Feliz Navidad?

PREVIOUSLY ON ROBERTA VALDERRAMA:

Mas…Will Shakila’s ‘Feliz Navidad’ win the next ‘Christmas Idol’? (video)

I really, really hate Christmas – let me tell you why

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I’m so sick of Christmas and December isn’t even a week old!

Every year it’s the same crap over and over again. I mean, I wasn’t even finished pretending not to eat Halloween candy before people started playing that Christmas music — don’t even get me started on the music! It’s like, let’s take a has-been artist and have them pump out some horrible tripe and force everyone to remember why they became irrelevant in the first place, all the while pretending like we’re enjoying the tunes.

You know, all those songs were written during a time when my grandparents weren’t even allowed to go into certain restaurants. “No Mexicans, No Dogs” is what the door signs used to say. “White Christmas” indeed!

Mas…I really, really hate Christmas – let me tell you why

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa salsa

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jarosalsaHola. Is Tia Lencha here.

Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa!

Is nice! Is a good gift for the peoples! And is easy! No like making mole for Turkey Day.

I make this salsa to give to my comadres and the lob it. They have little hearts in their eyes when they see my salsa. They eat with almost eberything. They say they fight their childrens and viejos to eat the last drops of it in the jar. Is that good. Oso, it don’t matter if the peoples are no Mexican. The peoples at my job are no Mexican and they ask me for the salsa.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa salsa

Tia Lencha’s holiday survival secrets for Mexicans in New York City

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Is Tia Lencha here! Feliz Navidad!

So people ask me, Tia Lencha do you have recipes for Christmas? Not really, I say. Instead I have some Secretos for celebrating the Navidad in New York City. There are no mucho Mexicans here so you have to be esmart about it so you don’t have the stress. And you need to have a Metro Card.

First, the are too many mucho peoples out chopping for presents. Tia Lencha don’t like standing in line for an hour to buy a sweater.

Thas why I use more time to buy my mijo his presents, I give to him on January 6, the day of the Tres Reyes (three kings for you pochos.) Mijo writes a letter to the three kings to tell them what he wants for his present. Instead of leaving cookies for Santa Claus, mijo leaves some grass in his shoe box under the bed for the camels of the three kings to eat. Then his present is put in the box with the grass for the camels. Like magic no?

Mas…Tia Lencha’s holiday survival secrets for Mexicans in New York City

Darlene Love: ‘Christmas for the Jews’

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Rock ‘n’ roll diva Darlene Love explains: All the goyyim disappear to gather round the fire but out on the town, and in Chinese restaurants, it’s Christmas for the Jews!

 

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MR. POCHO SAYS ¡GRACIAS!