Official Report: La Migra’s border drone results not on fleek (videos)

droneThe Department of Homeland Security Inspector General may not have the sad, exactly, but his end-of-2014 report on border-patrolling drones was not very happy.

Tio Sam, the Inspector General recommended, should spend his Migra-Industrial Complex money somewhere else. More drones are not on fleek, the report concluded.

The LexisNexis newsroom pulled this quote from the report:

U.S. Customs and Border Protection’s Unmanned Aircraft System Program Does Not Achieve Intended Results or Recognize All Costs of Operations

Although CBP’s Unmanned Aircraft System program contributes to border security, after 8 years, CBP cannot prove that the program is effective because it has not developed performance measures.

Mas…Official Report: La Migra’s border drone results not on fleek (videos)

Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC

napolitano600(PNS reporting from BERKELEY) Department of Homeland Security Secretary (and former Arizona Governor) Janet Napolitano has accepted an offer to head up the University of California system.

Napolitano promised to do the same for the UC system that she did for the border during her time at DHS:

“I kept out and quashed as many Mexicans as any DHS Secretary could during my tenure, and now that Latinos are overtaking whites in California, I promise to do the same at the UC system,” she said in a statement.

Mas…Breaking: Napolitano brings harsh border enforcement to UC

Uncle Sam on lookout for oldsters trying to pass as DREAMers

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) Older undocumented immigrants have been trying to pass as youngsters so they can qualify for the Obama Administration’s new Deferred Action program, PNS has learned.

On Thursday, several elderly immigrants were hustled out in the Denver, CO immigration office trying to fake the required cutoff age of 30.

ICE reported that they found one viejito, known only as “Chavo,” hiding inside a barrel and dressed in in a striped shirt, red suspenders, brown khaki shorts and a propeller hat. ICE told PNS that the man was malnourished and kept asking for ham sandwiches.

Mas…Uncle Sam on lookout for oldsters trying to pass as DREAMers

Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

He’s artificially intelligent, muy guapo with dark hair and blue eyes, plus he speaks and understands Spanish and English. He also has a new, high-profile job with Tio Sam’s U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service interviewing people crossing into Los United Estates at Nogales, AZ (photo, above.)

What’s he missing aside from a body and an analog existence? This poor robovato needs a name; right now his bosses just refer to him as the AVATAR (Automated Virtual Agent for Truth Assessments in Real-Time.)

Here are the Pocho Ocho names we like best:

8. Mex Headroom
7. C3 Pito
6. Will Robinson

Mas…Pocho Ocho suggested names for new Nogales MIGRA robot

Uncle Sam setting up concentration camps for white males

(PNS reporting from OAK CREEK, WI) Following the second mass shooting by a white male in just a few weeks, Federal authorities will soon start building and outfitting concentration camps for young, white men racially profiled as potential domestic terrorists.

The last time concentration camps were mandated in the U.S. was during World War II when thousands of Japanese-Americans lost their homes, jobs, possessions to ensure the safety of the nation.

“It’s the same principle,” FBI Special Agent Phillip Coulson told a press conference here yesterday “The truth is, no one is safe anymore when young, white men have ample access to firearms, free reign to be hateful online and white privilege that allows them to fly under the radar of our racial profiling system.”

Mas…Uncle Sam setting up concentration camps for white males