Mucho, mucho amor!
Mucho, mucho amor!
Tonight will be like no other. Tonight, The Donald welcomes you into his Trump Towers penthouse. This is a place you have been before, but those nights have been for seduction and romance. Tonight is different. Tonight is about love.
Tonight, you will be my everything.
Now that UNIVISION has become a part owner of The Onion, our media analysts have compiled the Pocho Ocho top changes you can expect from the new corporation:
8. Daily stories tagged #TelemundoFail
7. Don Francisco’s triumphant return to TV as Area Man
6. Univision closes failing millennial-oriented website The Cilantro
This toon originally appeared in the San Diego Free Press. Gracias!
First Donald Trump told Univision’s Jorge Ramos to “Go back to Univision!” and then a Trump supporter was more explicit. “Get out of my country!” he told Ramos.
We’re with Ramos. Don’t mess with Jorge!
Coconut Madrigal (white inside, brown outside) knew turning an intensely personal journey into a docu-comedy wouldn’t be one easy trick, but he never anticipated what happened next.
“I set out to dial down my pocho level from a ten to a five,” he told POCHO in a text message Tuesday night, “and ultimately something much greater and unexpected happened. I ended up not giving a shit.”
“I encourage others to try it, feels great.”
Al got some help from three mostly-reliable sources:
When American Latinos watch Spanish-langugage FIFA broadcasts from Brazil, some are shocked by the casual use of words like “greña” and “moreno” that would be considered offensive in the U.S. This report from Public Radio International explores the controversy:
PREVIOUSLY ON SPANISH TV:
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Texas State Senator Dan Patrick, a Republican Lieutenant Governor wannabe, was named Pendejo of the Month Wednesday by the American Pochismo Institute (API.) The award followed his Univision debate Tuesday with San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro (photo.)
API’s designation, which is usually not revealed until the end of the month, was awarded Wednesday to Patrick for actions “Above And Beyond the Call of Douchery” after Patrick sent this Tweet Tuesday evening about how much he loves “Hispanics:”
Telemundo says it knows the secret to attracting the Millennial generation — so advertisers and marketeers can sell more product. (Spoiler: The secret word is 3BALL MTY.) What do you think? Is this video about you?
But wait! What does Univision have to say?
When Hell is full, the dead will walk the earth — ¡Los Walking Dead! — on Univsion!
It’s no surprise to us Pochodores — it’s why we started POCHO.COM:
Actual research reveals more and more U.S. Latinos are getting their ñews in Ingles — ñews from respected journalists like brothers Jorge Cooper-Ramos (right), and Anderson Ramos-Cooper (left.)
OK, sometimes Latinos get their ñews from Gustavo Almadovar live in the O.C., but not lately.
Meanwhile, Univision is leading in the July ratings wars with the most viewers under 50, the first time a Spanish-language network topped the charts.
Many have you have written in and asked about Elise Roedenbeck’s MiJA WEEKLY video series and why it disappeared.
We have good news and bad news. Bad news first: There will be no more MiJA WEEKLY.
The good news? Important people in the Network Television World were so taken with Elise and MiJA WEEKLY that they stole her away from us and moved her to Miami where she is joining the new ABC/Univision TV network FUSION.
Felicidades to our hermana Elise and “break a leg” as we say in eshow business.
Univision thinks this is the New American Reality. Is it your reality?
It’s not easy being brown, as Mitt Romney’s Univision appearance demonstrated. Here’s the right way to get brown with la gente. Attention white people: This is a super idea for that special hot date not to mention Halloween!
But wait, there’s more! Sarah Silverman explained how the GOP is trying to keep you from voting, Latinas have racist vaginas, and that new monkey species discovered in Africa reminded us of…JESUS?
Those vendidos at Univision‘s Espanish subtitling department are lying Cubanos and they hate Mexicans like me. That is the ONLY EXPLANATION I have for the way they translated my remarks for my Espanish-speaking friends.
Here is what I really said:
So-called transcript: But the truth is as you know my dad was born of American parents living in Mexico.
Correct subtitle: YO SER MEXI-MORMON GUERO
The immigration system, I think we all agree, is broken and it’s been a political football for years. MEXICANOS DEBER EL SELF-DEPORTO
The Internets are buzzing with questions about about Gov. Mitt Romney’s appearance on last night’s Univision forum live from Miami. Digerati are confused about what he said AND how he looked.
POCHO’s Campaign Team 2012 was online all night handling their news sources to find the Pocho Ocho reasons the candidate looked so dark-skinned:
8. Was present at explosion at enchilada sauce factory
7. Stayed in a sauna too long with Speaker John Boehner
6. He is a huge Annoying Orange fan
GOP Presidential nominee Gov. Mitt Romney will be in the hot seat on Univisión at 7PM PDT tonight. Anchors Jorge Ramos and María Elena Salinas will ask him questions in Spanish, and Latino wannabe Romney will respond in English.
It’s an ideal time to bust out your Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila for a drinking game! Every time Mitt Romney does something from Column A, take a drink according to the rules in Column B:
White guy Billy Kimball gives Enrique Santos the “white” perspective on iLatino issues like dancing and citizenship, and clarifies a few details about early white immigrants, such as their dealings with documentation. But we have to ask: “Does Billy Kimball have a zucchini in his trousers or is he just happy to see Enrique?”