COMIC SAENZ

Comic Saenz is the font name of Dennis Wilen, POCHO's Jefe-de-Content.

Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold

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The University of Houston and National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping team produced this 3D digital topological map which when examined shows a man-made plaza ringed in red

They tried to discredit the calendars that clearly show the Mayan Doomsday Apocalypse is set for December. They laughed at the evidence of Ancient Astronauts who worked with indigenous people to build the pyramids of Aztlan. But now their own lasers — lasers controlled by a university named after the man who ripped Tejas away from La Raza — now their lasers have found Ciudad Blanca, the legendary lost “White City” of gold in Honduras. Who is laughing now?

The University of Houston reports:

A field team from the University of Houston and the National Science Foundation (NSF) National Center for Airborne Laser Mapping (NCALM) has mapped a remote region of Honduras that may contain the legendary lost city of Ciudad Blanca.

Mas…Lasers in the Honduran jungle pinpoint lost White City of Gold

Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada

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Wassup in Pochostan this week, you ask?

President Obama’s groundbreaking executive order halting the deportation of innocent kids brought cheers and hateful feedback from the right wing mediocracy, more Mexicans are bypassing the U.S. and heading to Canadia and a mathematician proved Chicanos have only one degree of separation.

The most popular POCHO stories that broke the ñews this week are right here:

Mas…Ñewsweek: POCHO vs Drudge, DREAMERS, bienvenue à Mexicanada

Obama’s DREAM announcement freaks out the right wing racists

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President Barack Obama’s announcement today that he is halting the possible deportation of up to 800,000 DREAMERs has the right wing (racist) blogosphere in fits. Example: The Drudge Report (owned by Matt Drudge, who does not love sex with men) was so freaked out, they posted this headline and image but later took it down. POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz grabbed a screenshot first, though. Mira!

Mis-addressed email leads to intercontinental Latino love (video)

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PBS says it’s a true story:

In January 2007, Rachel P. Salazar and Ruben P. Salazar were living 9,000 miles apart and completely unaware of each other’s existence. But when an email meant for Rachel accidentally went to Ruben, it wasn’t long before an ordinary mistake began to look like an extraordinary stroke of luck

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Unreal! Cholula and Tapatio Denny’s sex tape is espicy! (NSFW video)

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Like Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben, these two salsa estrellas were made for each other. But we never thought we’d see a Señorita Cholula/Señor Tapatio sex tape with them doin’ the nasty at Denny’s. And now you can, too. POCHO.COM – where sharing is caring. (NSFW simulated adult activities: When a man and a woman love each other very much, they hug each other with a very special hug…)

Mayan Apocalypse 2012: Meet the word’s first burrito-making robot

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Screenshot of the Burritob0t project page
A cute logo is included with every burrito!

Yes, we know the TacoCopter, the food-delivering unmanned aerial vehicle, was a gosh darn internet hoax, but this new Burritob0t with a web page and tech specs and photos filled with truthiness is the real thing. We swear!

TechCrunch reports:

So this guy at NYU made something special. Are you listening? Put down your phone. Listen. So they made a machine that prints… no, don’t check Twitter. They made a machine that prints burritos. It’s called Burritob0t. I know, right? Seriously. Slow down with the porn for a second. This is important.

Mas…Mayan Apocalypse 2012: Meet the word’s first burrito-making robot

Pocho Ocho things those darn kids are doing instead of playing outside

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Pochitos: Descubre el bosque

According to a recent study, only six percent of Latino kids regularly play outdoors. So, if they’re not outside “enjoying” nature, what are those darn kids doing now?

8. Usando el Fiesbook.

7. Reading Erí Potter books.

6. Creating top-secret taco recipes they will never share with gringos.

Mas…Pocho Ocho things those darn kids are doing instead of playing outside

My friend went to Tokyo and all I got was this Tex-Mex bar video

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Featuring a stereotypical “Mexican font,” the Virgen, a bottle of tequila, a poorly-painted taco and Mexican and Texican flags, the art direction and commercial for this Tex-Mex bar and restaurant leave no cliche unused. Same old same old, eh? But wait — this joint is in Tokyo’s jumping Roppongi night clubbing neighborhood. Is this an offensive advertisement, or would it be a relief for sore eyes and a growling estomach if you were in Nippon? Wouldn’t a cold Negra Modelo be nice right now, pocho-san?

PochoCast #5: Alcaraz y Madrigal on face-chewing and boobs (NSFW)

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POCHO primos Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz and Migrant Editor Al Madrigal chop, channel and lower the ñews:

  • Miami munchies and Canadian cannibals
  • Salma Hayek’s boob optimization
  • POCHO web traffic
  • Wisconsin recall
  • Organized labor
  • Lalo’s copyright trouble on Facebook
  • These kids today

— Produced by Jefe de Creative Marcelo Ziperovich. (NSFW language.)

Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

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Two modifications were found in chile DNA — are they a clue to the ‘intruder virus’ creator?

(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON) The anti-import National Food Safety Workshop (NFSW) here claims a dangerous foreign food virus is infecting Caucasian-American digestive systems nationwide.

The comida cops say the virus is spread by manipulating the DNA of four foods native to Mexico — chiles, avocado, corn and agave.

“We’re calling it the CACA Virus,” says NFSW chief researcher Dr. Creflo Smith-Buster. “It’s something we had hoped we’d never see – a genetically-modified steaming turd of an illegal alien scientific conundrum on the pristine white floor of an American lab.”

Mas…Food safety cops spot mysterious (Mexican?) CACA ‘intruder virus’

Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero: Good vs evil, plus a little kid (video)

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The late, “despicable” wrestling pocho Eddie Guerrero insists opponent Rey Mysterio seat his son Dominic Mysterio ringside — so the son will witness Guerrero’s trimumph over his dad, up close and personal. Will Mysterio be so pre-occupied with his son’s safety that he’ll lose focus and let Guerrero’s distraction trick work its evil magic?

Evil wrestling superstar Eddie Guerrero? Wikipedia has the deets:

Mas…Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero: Good vs evil, plus a little kid (video)

Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

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God bless America, and the moo-shu pork burrito

This guy Juan Faura is all pissed off because burritos aren’t just the way he wants them to be anymore. Now they have icky stuff in them. Breakfast stuff sometimes. Bleu cheese even. The Horror!

Bleu cheese and chikken (yes with two Ks) with thyme “burrito” really?  Burrito?  What is going on?  I’ll tell you what’s going on, someone has come in the dead of night and quietly, with full knowledge and malice, abducted our beloved “burrito”.

Definitions can be either prescriptive or descriptive. You can prescribe that a puro pizza must be made with tomato, basil and cheese only, or it isn’t really a pizza. Or describe that in wacky Califas, we have Thai barbecued chicken pizzas, and carnitas picsa and Oh! there’s The Horror again.

People are always trying to keep things “pure.” In Spain, the Royal Academy wants to regulate Spanish. Words they don’t like — new words, loan words, Spanglish words that are actually spoken — are forbidden. They fight a losing battle, because the only constant in language is change, despite the king and his court.

This mad delusion is everywhere. In poor, flooded Bangla Desh, they are trying to outlaw the mixture of Bengali and English called Banglish. POCHO pities the fools.

Mas…Dear Mr. Politically-Correct Burrito Preservationist: WTF?

Mitt Romney’s ‘Deprimente’ (depressing) TV ad with English subtitles

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(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) As Mitt Romney works to grow support before the GOP convention, his campaign has reached out to Spanish-speaking voters with a new ad, Deprimente (depressing). POCHO translated the commercial for voters who don’t habla Español.

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

What to wear in Monterrey when listening to cumbia and huffing glue

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We don’t really know what to say about this, so we’ll let VICE tell the story in this report from Monterrey, MX:

Every Sunday afternoon, after dancing all weekend at bars and clubs around town, a bunch of Mexican Colombianos gather outside the 7-Eleven at the bottom of the Latino Tower in downtown Monterrey. Taking their cues from LA’s cholos and some mythical ideal of tropical Colombia, they wear huge plaid and Hawaiian shirts over the baggiest Dickies you’ve ever seen. These are color-coordinated with their Converse and shoelaces whenever possible (one kid we met rotates four pairs of Chucks with seven different colors of laces) and then topped with a customized baseball cap worn just tight enough that it doesn’t cover their whole head but gingerly rests on their bangs. Every visible inch of hat space is cluttered with airbrushed or embroidered writing, including its wearer’s nickname, his girlfriend’s name, his clique’s name, the radio station he listens to, the neighborhood he’s from, etc.

Mas…What to wear in Monterrey when listening to cumbia and huffing glue

Atomic TV: Masks, Monsters & Mexican Mayhem (video)

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They do public access TV differently in Baltimore:

Hosted by Nashville’s rockin’ combo Los Straitjackets… Masked Mexican Wrestlers!… The real international man of mystery, El Santo!… Mexican monster movies… Mondo films… People eating Parasites – and The Dead!… Spanish Superhero El Barrio vs. Tony the Landlord in the squared circle… Meet a Roman Catholic Masked Wrestler Priest!… plus an assortment of vintage Atomic Scare Films and Civil Defense Messages and old Natty Boh commercials.

Florida voter fraud crackdown finally snares a live one

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Mr. ChaCha is remorseful

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) Even as the U.S. Department of Justice seeks to shut down Florida’s effort to disenfranchise voters, state officials are overjoyed that their purge of voter role has finally nabbed a real fraud, even if their case is a dog.

Much to the relief of Republican witch-hunters who were under fire for challenging the eligibility to vote of war veterans, grandmothers and local heroes, a French Bulldog puppy named Mr. ChaCha was charged on Tuesday for voting fraudulently in a local Miami election last year.

The eight-month-old pup snuck into a neighborhood high school, sniffed the ballot and then pulled the lever for Hammad Jose de Marx, the Green Party candidate for Dade County Residential Service Officer, according to poll watchers. “Though Mr. ChaCha’s motives are unclear, one fact is clear: Voter fraud is real,” an election board spokesman said.

Mas…Florida voter fraud crackdown finally snares a live one

First George Zimmerman Prize goes to fellow Florida racist

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I am compelled to award the first George Zimmerman Prize for Ignorant Racism to Joaquin Amador Serrapio, the Miami college student who threatened on Facebook to assassinate Pres. Barack Obama.

Serrapio recently pleaded guilty to threatening the president’s life but claimed that he simply aimed to rile up Obama supporters on the Internets. In other words, he’s a troll.

It’s not the first time Serrapio has acted trollishly.

His now-private Twitter feed included gems such as “Why can’t all girls be white? :(”  and “Martin Luther King day: the day where black people forget it was a white man that abolished slavery,” which makes no sense since the people actually enslaving African-Americans where white.

Seriously, if slaves could have ended slavery it would have created a rip in the space-time continuum or something. And besides, what does that have to do with Martin Luther King?

Mas…First George Zimmerman Prize goes to fellow Florida racist

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