PochOpinion: Here’s what I thinko about Cinco

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chipssalsaWhite folks in sombreros and serapes. Spanglish beer commercials every few minutes. Yup, pretty ridiculous, señor.

I agree with most of my friend Gustavo Arellano’s Cinco de Mayo video rant, mas o menos.

He says it’s ridiculous, only serves some limited purposes as far as educating about the evils of Imperialism, or the promotion of self-determination, y todo eso. Battle of Puebla my ear. Sure. OK, guey.

However, I think Gustavo misses one big fat Manuel’s El Tepeyac Hollenbeck Burrito-sized point:

☞ We’ve got to celebrate with the holidays we have,
not the holidays we want ☜

Mas…PochOpinion: Here’s what I thinko about Cinco

Shock confession! Local man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is about

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broncof(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the meaning of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”

“I don’t care what it’s about,” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”

Friends and family at the Covarrubias’ weekly carne asada were aghast. Some reconsidered whether they’d be driving back to El Sereno next week, multiple witness reported.

Mas…Shock confession! Local man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is about

Cartel street fight in Puebla, MX crushes French gang invaders

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Federales clean up bodies after cartel Battle of Puebla

(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MX) Federales have finished cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead, PNS has learned.

The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — was overwhelmed by the fierce Mexican gangbangers.

Faulty HUMINT (human intelligence) was also a factor.

Based on bogus tips from informants who called themselves “los mentirosos,” which La Eme interpreted as “mentors,” the frogs engaged the enemy at noon. La Eme expected the Zeta sentries to be taking siestas with their sombreros pulled so low they couldn’t see the advancing gunmen. And the close-by burros? The French plan relied on the overhwhelming odor of naturally estanky donkeys to mask the telltale scent of French breath-de-fromage.

But the Zetas were not asleep and those weren’t your mother’s burritos.

Mas…Cartel street fight in Puebla, MX crushes French gang invaders

Richard Montoya and Edward James Olmos walk into a bar…

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It was a hot afternoon, much like today. Walking into the cool darkness of East Side Luv in Boyle Heights was a relief. It was crowded, about two dozen people milling about, some busy setting up recording equipment, others huddled in small groups. Waiting. It was “media day” for Water & Power, which comes out today.

I’d watched the movie the night before in a small screening room somewhere in Hollywood. Dark, unsettling, violent, suspenseful, heartbreaking, redemptive … I had questions, but so did everybody else.

I was finally called over, and before long, the movie’s writer and director Richard Montoya and Edward James Olmos, the film’s presenter, were seated in front of me. I had 15 minutes, more or less.

Abelardo de la Peña Jr. (AdlpJr): What got you involved in Water and Power?

Edward James Olmos (EJO): The single most important thing about movies: The script, the story, the writing. Richard is a genius. Go watch the movie. You watch the movie, and you see, all of a sudden …

Mas…Richard Montoya and Edward James Olmos walk into a bar…

Happy May Day from the Workers of the World (music video, lyrics)

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Enjoy the Internacional, the world-wide (Get it? It’s international!) anthem of those red commie cabrones in Cuba and Venezuela and China and North Korea (and lurking in secretive cells everywhere else but the lame stream media sheeple won’t tell you that.)

May 1 is May Day AKA International Workers’ Day. Today the communist comrades sing this stirring appeal, with its hummable melody and a vague vision of a better future that’s hard to disagree with, except maybe the LUCHA FINAL aspect.

Yet even as they sing this Kommie Kumbaya, the Marxist minions are locking millions up arbitrarily, invading foreign countries, spying on their fellow citizens and — we’ve read reports — killing innocent civilians by remote control. Oh, wait.

THE INTERNATIONALE LYRICS IN ENGLISH AND SPANISH:

Mas…Happy May Day from the Workers of the World (music video, lyrics)

Taco Bell reveals secret 12% ingredients in 88% ‘beef’ tacos

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dogeingredientsIt’s not news that the “beef” in Taco Bell’s “beef” tacos was only 88% actual “beef.” POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano was all over that years ago. But wassup with the other 12%?

The mystery ended Tuesday as the fast-food chain came clean about the secret ingredients which the company says are all “completely safe and approved by the FDA.”

“They do have weird names,” Taco Bell wrote on its website, ”perfect for tongue twisters!…They’re common ingredients also found in food items at your grocery store.”

As a public service, we’re happy to present the complete list, as if any of you pochos go to Taco Bell at all:

Mas…Taco Bell reveals secret 12% ingredients in 88% ‘beef’ tacos

Elise Roedenbeck: Top porn search terms by state (video)

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Sweet dreams are made of this -- who am I to disagree?
I travel the world and the seven seas. Everybody's looking for something.

Elise Roedenbeck — she’s @buttronica on the Twitter — learned the same lesson when she investigated the top porn search terms broken down by state. Everybody’s looking for something. They’re looking for massage. And cream pie. And cream pie massages. In somebody else’s state, right? Don’t be so sure.

PREVIOUSLY ON STUFF BROKEN DOWN BY STATES:

Mas…Elise Roedenbeck: Top porn search terms by state (video)

Stars to record ‘You Are An ^%$#’ for Donald Sterling [photos,video]

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(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Stars from television, music and sports are set to gather in the old A&M sound stages (now the Henson Studios) on La Brea Avenue here today to record a rebuke to Donald Sterling, racist owner of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Galvanized by community organizer Emiliano Zapata Shabazz-Jones, who wears the mantle of slain civil rights pioneer Ricky Martin Luther King, the assembled stars will record The Donald Sterling Song — You Are An ^%$#.

“This ain’t no National Honky League,” Shabazz-Jones wrote in a scorching email scheduling the superstar session, “and we ain’t dancing to no Sweet Georgia Brown on Maggie’s Farm no more!”

Mas…Stars to record ‘You Are An ^%$#’ for Donald Sterling [photos,video]

Mexican Mestizo Miracle! Zebra + Donkey = Zonkey (video)

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Papa Ignacio is a pygmy albino donkey, Mama Rayas is your regular striped zebra. Ignacio used to sneak over from his farm to Rayas’ place at the zoo for some sexy time, and vice versa. Then nature took over and brought young zonkey Rayas to the zoo in Tamaulipas, MX. It’s a miracle because typically a chromosome mismatch keeps the two species from interbreeding. But that’s what they also said about La Malinche.

Cutest historical Native American baby pics evah! (photos)

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navajocroppedPaul and Petra Ratner made a film called Moses on the Mesa, which tells the true story of Solomon Bibo, the Jewish governor of the Native American tribe of Acoma in the days of the Wild West. And along the way (part of their quest for historical accuracy) they assembled a treasure trove of period photos of Indians, which they share on Facebook.

[Editor’s Parenthetical Thing] We are not like THOSE OTHER SITES WHO RUN SHAMEFUL IMAGES SCRAPED FROM INSTAGRAM OF CATS WRAPPED IN BLANKETS. CAN YOU IMAGINE?!   PEOPLE CALL THESE TORTURED, CONFINED KITTIES PURRITOS!!!

[And the two preceding paragraphs have led up to this] Instead, POCHO chooses to run a few specific pictures we found on the Moses page — stunning portraits of Indian babies in Indian baby carriers. Very Indian. Many papooses. Such cuteness. Wow.

[Additional Geeky Editor’s Note] Technically, “papoose” means baby, not the baby board. What you call a papoose IN a baby carrier is another issue altogether. 😉 

Mas…Cutest historical Native American baby pics evah! (photos)

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