Caucasian-Americans rally across U.S. to protest racial profiling

cacaprotest(PNS reporting from RANCHO POCHO, CA) With defiant shouts of “Don’t Cauc me, bro!” and “Chechnya? I just metchnya!” dozens of Caucasian-Americans filled the corners of city parks and the edges of town squares across the Nation Sunday to protest what they call “illegal racial profiling” against Caucasians.

The identification of two Caucasian-American suspects in the Boston Marathon bombings has resulted in both nasty words and police harassment, they claim.

Mas…Caucasian-Americans rally across U.S. to protest racial profiling

PNS*Hot*Flash: Sheriff Joe ‘damn sure’ Pope Francis is Latino

(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) The media may question the newly-elected pontiff’s ethnicity, but Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio firmly believes that Pope Francis is Latino.

“His real name is Jorge and he speaks Spanish. I’m damn sure he is a Latino; he’s probably a Mexican, ” Arpaio told the monthly breakfast meeting of the Sons of the Arizona Indian Wars Wednesday.

Mas…PNS*Hot*Flash: Sheriff Joe ‘damn sure’ Pope Francis is Latino

Pocho Ocho things to charge on your new Sheriff Joe MasterCard

Que lastima!

Someone estole Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s identity and used his name to purchase groceries in Chicago. The Maricopa, AZ sheriff, unlike the pochodores here in the POCHO ñewsroom, was not amused.

We have a lot of things we’d like to purchase with Sheriff Joe’s moneh, and here are the top eight:

8. Taco USA by POCHO amigo Gustavo ¡Ask A Mexican! Arellano
7. ¡Ban This! by POCHO Florida Burro Jefe Santino J. Rivera
6. 2013 Good Luck Cartoon Calendar by POCHO Jefe Lalo Alcaraz

Mas…Pocho Ocho things to charge on your new Sheriff Joe MasterCard

Arpaio busts dangerous 10-year-old (with Steven Seagal’s help)

(PNS reporting from ARIZONA) The 10-year-old at Frank Elementary School in Guadalupe who got arrested Tuesday learned a valuable lesson about Sheriff Joe Arpaio and celebrity deputy Steven Seagal:

Don’t fuck with them.

According to the sheriff’s office, the boy had planned to beat one of his classmates at the Maricopa County school with a Wiffle Ball® bat but ended up on the wrong end of Steven Seagal’s sealskin boots instead.

Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office detectives were called to the elementary school by officials who were learned of the plot and found the student in possession of a tattered Wiffle Ball® bat.

Mas…Arpaio busts dangerous 10-year-old (with Steven Seagal’s help)

Top Pendejos of 2012: AZ’s Gov. Jan Brewer and Sheriff Joe Arpaio

We tried to pick just one Top Pendejo of 2012 but we ended up with two, both from the Hate State of Arizona: Gov. Jan Brewja and Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

The witchy woman has taken every opportunity to lie, defame, harass and impede President Obama, Mexican-American Arizonans, a woman’s right to choose, Dreamers’ rights, students’ education, a minimum level of health care for constituents, and, to keep things current, she has an A+ Rating from the NRA merchants of death.

Pigasus Joe, who only missed being thrown out of office by a slim margin in the recent Maricopa County elections, just made headlines again by vowing to parade female DUI convicts in public chain gangs. His racist enforcement of the remaining provisions of AZ SB1070 has made him particularly abhorrent to those who fight for equality and justice.

So these two pendejos will share the ignominy of our Top Pendejos of 2012 award, and here are the reasons why:

Mas…Top Pendejos of 2012: AZ’s Gov. Jan Brewer and Sheriff Joe Arpaio

Pocho Ocho worst possible summer vacation destinations

School’s out, summer’s in. Where you going for vacation? Huh? We asked you a question!

OK then.  Be that way. Two can play that game. Here’s our list of the Pocho Ocho worst possible vacation destinations:

8. Community service. Were you volunteered? Court-ordered? Did your mom rope you into it? Whether it’s babysitting bratty kids at church or painting over graffiti-ed walls that will be covered in new graffiti by the next morning, there’s nothing quite like serving your community.

7. The public pool. Why such a drag? Probably because it’s about 60% chlorine and 40% other peoples’ urine. Swim away!

6. Your family’s rancho in the old country. No running water, no AC, no TP, you may not speak the language, no TV, no Internet, your relatives laugh at you behind your back — or to your face — and you have no escape until your parents come back for you.

5. Sleeping under a cactus with your tío. What? Do Mexicans not do that anymore?

Mas…Pocho Ocho worst possible summer vacation destinations

Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho unsolved mysteries

Now that  Sheriff Joe Arpaio has evidence there’s something uppity with Pres. Barack Obama’s birth certificate, what’s next on his unsolved mysteries list?

8.  Star Trek crewmen in red shirts who die early in the episode are also wearing pink chonies, but the Liberal Hollywood Establishment covers this up.

7. Every time you install a solar energy panel, a Texas oilman dies.

6.  Wonder Bread actually builds bodies in 11 different ways but they won’t tell you that because those people want you to eat bread with stuff in it, like grains.

Mas…Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Pocho Ocho unsolved mysteries