Carmen’s Mexican Wake Up Call Service is guaranteed (NSFW video)


Even though it’s Tuesday, it feels like Monday, right? And it was hard to get up when the alarm rang this morning, right? When you absolutely, positively can’t oversleep, try Carmen’s Mexican Wake Up Call Service. You’ll be wide awake in no #$@%#%%^ time! (NSFW language.)

Blonde Mexican dissident seeks asylum in Chinese restaurant

Rubio "doesn't look Mexican" neighbors say
(PNS reporting from GUADALAJARA) Blonde Mexican dissident Pablo Rubio holed up in a Chinese restaurant here after eluding taunting neighbors who say he can’t be Mexican since he is fair-haired and light-skinned.

Rubio was spirited away from his home in a car trunk at noon yesterday by friends who convinced suspicious local gang members the getaway vehicle was sagging the trunk was filled with drogas, one source told PNS.

“Pablo went to the Che Xuan Panda restaurant because to them he looks Mexican,” she said. “We all look Mexican to them. Also the 75 pesos lunch special with soup and egg roll rocks.”

Pocho Ñews Service PNS is a wholly-fictitious subsidiary of Pochismo, Inc., a California corporation, who is a person according to the Supreme Court.  Don’t ask us, we just work here.

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Beverly Hills Mexican restaurant where Lalo got profiled shuts down

Facebook announcement Tuesday evening

One night in February, POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz was waiting for the valet to retrieve his car outside a Mexican restaurant in Beverly Hills when a white lady repeatedly thrust her parking valet ticket in his direction.

Lalo was at the restaurant to speak on a panel for DigitalLA Latino Content professionals on the need for Latinos to create and control their own media content and channels because mainstream media stereotypes of Latinos are, you know, stereotypes.

And now that restaurant has abruptly closed. No more gigantic fresh three-way chips of blue corn, yucca and plantains with both salsa verde and salsa habanera. No more empanadas. No more $5 Happy Hour specials like ceviche shooters.

We don’t know why they closed (the website is all white.)  It’s a shame — they were berry berry nice to us.  In memoriam, here’s Lalo’s epic account of  that evening.  The headline?

Standing While Brown: A white lady tried to get me to valet her car

Mas…Beverly Hills Mexican restaurant where Lalo got profiled shuts down

Mexican garden statues get up, stand up and go on tour (photos)

(PNS reporting from the HATE STATE OF ARIZONA) The “Sleeping Mexican” statues of Tucson we featured last week snooze no more. Buoyed by the online support they received after POCHO publicized their plight, these hombres woke up, stood up, dressed up and went on tour across Los United Estates to tell their story.

From their early untold history — hanging out backstage with Frank Sinatra — to their recent appearances at the Academy Awards, the Mexican garden gnome hombres (AKA gnombres) are on the move, getting out the word and straight up representing! Look for them in a garden near you, or in the photos below.

Mas…Mexican garden statues get up, stand up and go on tour (photos)

Ñewsweek: Curse like a Mexican, think like a vato, build an arcade

This oddly-garbed teacher will show you how to curse like a Mexican

Attention pinche pendejos! Yes, you, culero! What? You don’t know what we’re talking about? Then you need to watch the one-minute video refresher course on How to curse like a Mexican, the biggest story on POCHO this week.

For the link and our other big stories, keep reading  below.

Mas…Ñewsweek: Curse like a Mexican, think like a vato, build an arcade

Chicano? Mexican? Cuban? Boricuan? Latino? Hispanic? What are you?


NBCLatino asked POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz whether he’s a Chicano or Latino or Mexican or Hispanic.

Lalo was commenting on the Pew Hispanic Center survey everybody is talking about:

Nearly four decades after the United States government mandated the use of the terms “Hispanic” or “Latino” to categorize Americans who trace their roots to Spanish-speaking countries, a new nationwide survey of Hispanic adults finds that these terms still haven’t been fully embraced by Hispanics themselves. A majority (51%) say they most often identify themselves by their family’s country of origin; just 24% say they prefer a pan-ethnic label.

Mas…Chicano? Mexican? Cuban? Boricuan? Latino? Hispanic? What are you?

Happy Birthday, Chespirito!

POCHO wishes Roberto Gomez Bolaños — AKA “Chespirito” — a happy 83rd birthday.

Chespirito (Little Shakespeare) is Mexico’s most-beloved children’s comic, humorist and performer, creator of the iconic television shows El Chavo and El Chapulin Colorado.

El Chapulin is famously the inspiration for the Simpson’s “Bumblebee Man.” I was fortunate to have met Bolaños and his wife “Doña Florinda” at the Latino Book and Family Festival at Cal State L.A. in 2005.

His characters appeared on Mexican and Latin American television from 1970 to 1995, and at their peak had 350 million viewers. Chespirito continues to bring joy and risas to children all over Latin America and the U.S.

Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’

Mississippi state representative Stephen Holland

A Mississippi state lawmaker introduced legislation Tuesday that would rename the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.”

According to state Rep. Stephen Holland’s bill, the name would apply only to his home state, much to the relief of embarrassed neighboring states.

Ironically, Holland chose to rename this international body of water “Gulf of America,” not understanding that “America” is the name of the whole American hemisphere, mainly because the word “hemisphere” is twice as long as most words the average Mississippian legslator understands.

Mas…Mississippi: Rename Gulf of Mexico to ‘Gulf of America’

Meet our newest sponsor – RentALatino!

Rent a Latino!In our ongoing search for advertisers to match our diverse audience, it looks like we have found a winner – a company with deep pockets and its heart in the right place.

POCHO is glad to welcome RentALatino to the echelons of our Premium Sponsors.

To learn how you might qualify for RentALatino‘s latest discounts and see the full message from our sponsor, read on!

Mas…Meet our newest sponsor – RentALatino!

Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles

(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDA) As the Newt Gingrich campaign fights to win votes in the upcoming GOP primaries, his campaign has reached out to the Sunshine State’s Spanish-espeaking voters. As a public service, the former Freaker of the Spouse has prepared this version of the commercial with subtitles for voters who don’t habla Espanol. Mitt Romney’s campaign released a similarly-subtitled video last week.

Mas…Video: Gingrich Spanish TV ad now with English subtitles

PETA: Mexican quinoa vs chia cartel wars hurt Fido, Fluffy

PETA AD: I CAN HAZ CHIA SEED?

(PNS reporting from AUSTIN) Skyrocketing demand for “perfect foods” has fueled a war between the rival QuinoaTraficante and ChiaTraficante agricultural cartels as they fight for market dominance — and Fido and Fluffy are the latest “collateral damage.”

Texas People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) say recent attacks on Mexican chia seed production — apparently at the hands of rival-cartel-affiliated quinoa growers — have left thousands of area seed-deprived chia pets cold, shivering and hairless in the dark. PETA said this includes Fido and Fluffy, of Barton Creek, pictured (above) in the organization’s latest Web ad.

Mas…PETA: Mexican quinoa vs chia cartel wars hurt Fido, Fluffy

Week in Ñews: @MexicanMitt, bishop with kids, racist white ladies, immigrants suck

It was a big week for big news here at POCHO, where the big estory was our Mexclusive interview with new Twitter sensation @MexicanMitt, who told Pocho Ñews Service PNS “I’m in it to guin it!”

We also released the voicemail Catholic Bishop Gabino Zavala left when he told his boss the Archbishop about his secret life with a chica and two shorties.

The Racist White Ladies video (and response and apology videos) continued to amaze people who thought they’d seen everything from Arizona.

Turns out, Arizona-watchers, you ain’t seen anything, yet!

Click through for the stories and links.

Mas…Week in Ñews: @MexicanMitt, bishop with kids, racist white ladies, immigrants suck

Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!

(PNS reporting from CYBER ESPACE) Like virtual huitlacoche  growing on a diseased ear of GOP political corn, an avatar of candidate Mitt Romney emerged on Twitter Wednesday, a digital fungus thriving on the stinking mess of Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary.

Using the handle @MexicanMitt,  the campaign’s online Hispanic personality exalts Romney as a canny opportunist, occasionally-job-killing corporate turnaround guru and proud-to-be-loaded capitalist examplar. MexicanMitt now has 1,100 followers.

Pocho Ñews Service  interviewed @MexicanMitt via email:  

PNS: You seem to love enforcing immigration policies. How many of your own Mexican family members have you deported?

MexicanMitt: I keep deporting them back after they finish working for me selling oranges. So I don’t think of it as deporting them, more like firing them

Mas…Mexican Mitt Romney is live on Twitter: I am in it to guin it!

The Week in Ñews: Iowa analysis, death by chihuahua, looking ‘Mexican’

By Julio Salgado

Hatred of the poor edged out racism and homophobia in the Iowa GOP caucuses, a Fresno man was mauled by chihuahuas and died of shame, and the attempt to repeal the California Dream Act failed when the referendum’s backer (photo, right) couldn’t score enough racist jerkwad signatures to get their scheme placed on the ballot.

For these Pochostan stories and more, click here:

Mas…The Week in Ñews: Iowa analysis, death by chihuahua, looking ‘Mexican’

Sabado Pochonte Video: The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (en Inglés)

robotaztecmummyThe Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (La Momia Azteca Contro El Robot Humano): The walking Aztec mummy Popoca has returned, and this time he is pitted against a mad scientist and his creation, the Human Robot, a cyborg with a mechanical body, steel claws and a human head! Enjoy one hour of cheesy Mexican horror cinema from 1958 – poorly dubbed in unlikely English!

Mas…Sabado Pochonte Video: The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (en Inglés)

Who, exactly, IS a pocho?

Pocho used to be defined by what it wasn’t. But that was a long time ago.

Pocho, by my reckoning, used to be one thing but now it’s another. To be a pocho used to mean that you weren’t a legitimate Latino – and I use the word Latino in a very broad sense (I understand the whole Latinos-don’t-speak-Latin thing, but I use the term for a more utilitarian reason: it suits my purpose).

Mas…Who, exactly, IS a pocho?