It’s not just Machu Picchu and women in traditional Andean dress and penguins and llamas and/or alpacas. Peru is amazingly beautiful. Also our MiJA, Elise Valderrama, is from there. PRO TRAVEL TIP: Summer’s just starting in Peru! Andale!
The OVNIs are coming the OVNIs are coming!
Two recent sightings of UFOs in formation over Lima, Peru resulted in Jorge Chávez International Airport shutting down twice. Mysterious Universe reports:
First the Peruvians found an elongated unearthly skull. And now comes an astonishing new discovery: A strange, huge, 3-fingered hand.
Less that two months after the revelation of the discovery in Peru of a tiny humanoid head comes another strange finding that is less humanoid and more alien-like. The hand has only three long fingers – no thumb – and has other strange characteristics that make its identity difficult. Does it belong to an alien who can no longer give its buddies a high-three? Are elongated fingers a sign the being also had an elongated skull?
The skull of one of the most famous archaeological finds of the twentieth century has been reconstructed using 3D imaging.
A few weeks ago, my aunt asked me to do a Skype Q&A with her high school students in Peru. She teaches a course on race and racial profiling and she thought it would be interesting to show her class my stand-up comedy dealing with racism then discuss the differences between American and South American racism.
However, the timing could not have been more biting. Just prior to my Skype call, news of yet another black man, Alton Sterling, slaughtered by police officers, began to circulate.
My aunt said to me, “the kids have a hard time understanding American racial profiling, for instance, why do cops target black people?”
Fruits, flowers, conch shells, special potions, and chingon hats were in season outside the National Stadium in Lima, Peru, Monday, as two sets of shamans cast spells aimed at bringing their rival presidential candidates a victory in next week’s Presidential runoff election.
It’s been a year since I was fired from my job and I feel like a BIG GIANT LOSER.
It wasn’t anything I did in particular. I thought for sure that one time I asked Floyd Mayweather if “he likes to take his work home with him” would do me in, alas, it was far more uneventful.
“We’ve decided not to renew your contract.”
And it’s not like I’m totally unemployed. I regularly walk a dog named Jimmy Fallon — this causes great confusion when I nonchalantly say, “Jimmy Fallon growled at me today,” (though for the most part he is quite lovely, other than eating his own poop).
POCHO’s Elise Valderrama is a Peruvian-American who moved to Florida as kid. That’s where she learned it’s not so easy being white.
Michael Jackson’s music moonwalks like an Inca in The Way You Make Me Feel, performed in indigenous language Quechua by 14-year-old Peruvian Renata Flores Rivera.
More like this? How about a mariachi and Spanglish-ish version of Get Lucky by Daft Punk?
A TV production crew in Lima, Peru, has videotaped a purple disc-shaped OVNI/UFO hovering near a construction site.
Television show Alto al Crimen was shooting an episode in the upscale Miraflores district on February 10, when the show’s host, Congressman Renzo Reggiardo, stopped an interview to allow his cameraman to shoot the strange-looking object:
Fed up with ignorant cat-calls, lewd, rude and suggestive remarks from sexist men on the street, women in Lima set up hidden cameras and — dressed up as “MILFs” — went for a stroll down the calle…walking right by their ignorant, lewd, rude and suggestive…WAIT FOR IT…sons.
Peru, the world’s largest producer of cocaine, has a new booming illicit business: gold, according to FUSION:
Illegal gold mining has surged in the South American country, the world’s fifth biggest gold exporter. A new Univision Investigative report shows that the criminal organizations that traffic illegal drugs have diversified and are now in the business of trading the precious metal.
When we reported in February that the famous ancient elongated skulls of Paracas, Peru contained alien DNA, we thought it was all scientific and stuff.
Here’s what we wrote.
The 600-year-old strings are an example of the technology of the Inca civilization, which never developed a written language.
Quipu – also called “khi-pus” or “talking knots” – are made up of colored spun thread, and sometimes, llama or alpaca hair.
The ornately knotted strings are thought to have helped in record-keeping, when authorities wanted to monitor items such as taxes and population.
Not only did Uncle Sam lock up Japanese-Americans in “internment camps” during World II, but a 1942 regional security pact also became the legal cover for shipping 1800 Peruvians of Japanese descent to the very same camps. Carmen Utako Tochio Villanueva (photo), who was born into one of those families in a Texas internment camp, tells her story to LatinoUSA’s Mia Warren:
Who will be the new owner of the L.A. Clippers basketball team when disgraced racist owner Donald Sterling is finally forced out? We sent a camera crew to ask passersby on the streets in Peru.
PREVIOUSLY ON RACISM:
Popcorn — palomitas de maíz — was discovered-invented-perfected in Peru circa 4700 BCE, the very first domesticated corn product. Watch how the corn pops, up close and personal.
“After testing samples from five of Peru’s 300 elongated Paracas skulls, a geneticist has finally released the results and they are mind-blowing,” The Anomalist reports:
The mysterious skulls found … within a gigantic graveyard contain mitochondrial DNA that shows mutations not found in humans. In other words, these guys were not human. Or at the very least were human-like.
Every country in the world has to be Numero Uno in something, right? These maps have the surprising details:
OK, people break it up. Nothing to see here. Move along now, return to your homes. Just your average Peruvian cane toad eating a bat. Like you’ve never seen this before. ¡Chale!
This dog loves to skateboard and — as much as a dog can actually SMILE — he appears to be having happy doggy time. Woof! Good dog!
PREVIOUSLY ON PERROS:
It’s called an olinguito. Freakin delicious, too! Elise Roedenbeck reports:
Olinguito, the cute new mammal discovered in the Andes, is nature’s newest little surprise. The small creature, related to the raccoon, looks like a cross between an Ewok and a rat. However, anyone who’s ever lived in the Andes can tell you meat is meat.
Using my connections in the Andean cloud forest meat network, we decided to cook up some critter using my favorite Peruvian recipe, lomo saltado. Except the lomo in this case is mountain rat (a.k.a. olinguito).
They’re coming on boats and rafts from the United Estates and the Eurozone to this country on the Pacific Coast of South America — a representative democratic republic divided into 25 regions — to live The Peruvian Dream.
In Peru, love hurts. Next step: Couples counseling?
Happy Tax Day, pochos! This week on MiJA I discuss the near conclusion of back-room negotiations on immigration “reform” and delve deep into the heart of the Internets to discover Barbies of the World. You think Mexican Barbie is bad — Peruvian Barbie comes with an anchor baby (and she’s not the worst of them!)
In the high desert of the Peruvian Andes, the descendants of the Inca form a human chain to perform the Chaccu, the ritual round-up and shearing of the wild vicuña.
Hey there, Pochos! This week on MiJA I totally don’t pole dance, Obama isn’t a dork, and the Gang of Eight don’t mix well with vinegar. Also, Kim Jung Un has one black friend.
Don’t make me unleash my powers of brujería! Leave your comments and questions below.
This week on Mija: so much crying! I explain the sequester with a stick of butter and discuss Marco Rubio’s visit to Israel. Plus, a bunch of dead sea animals wash ashore mi tierra, Peru and I wear a sweater!
Make sure to leave your questions and comments below.
This week on Mija Weekly I discuss immigration and la ganga de ocho, Obama’s love of skeet, and I celebrate Black History Month Peruvian style — all while battling the flu!
Don’t forget to leave me your comments below; I promise I’m not contagious.
- PREVIOUSLY ON MIJA WEEKLY…
In the second installment of Mija Weekly ñews wrap I discuss lip-synching, immigration, my chusma hair dresser and I answer questions from you pochos. Also I don’t drop the F-bomb.
Thank you to everyone who watched last week! Don’t forget to leave me your comments below.
- RELATED: Previously on Mija Weekly…
POCHO’s New Jack City Burro Jefe Elise Roedenbeck wraps up this week’s ñews in the premiere installment of Mija Weekly. Please note she is quite insistent that you leave comments below. (NSFW language.)