Cultura

It’s Not News to Us

Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

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johngomez(PNS reporting from HOLLYWOOD) Newcomer John Gomez stars as The John Gomez Show premieres Sunday night, the latest sitcom starring a Latino that is destined to join the long line of Latino TV shows that suck.

John and his sweet, sexy wife Lisa are a happily-married couple with two children. Daughter Rosie is just turning the corner to teenager, and son Sam is a precocious — oh, forget about the plot line, it promises to simply suck big time.

“It’s a formula for failure,” declared Hispanic TV audiences everywhere.

“I will watch it no matter how bad it is. Juan Gomez is one of our own, even though he is the unfunniest Latino on the planet,” said Latina inactivist Vera Tellez.

Mas…Unfunny ‘Latino’ sitcom debuts Sunday, people will watch anyhow

Are you a ‘Chipster’ (Chicano + hipster)? Pocho Ocho ways to tell

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Are you a Chipster (Chicano + hipster)? There are Pocho Ocho ways to tell. You might be a Chipster if…

8. You wear skinny jeans instead of Levi’s when swimming at the beach

7. You scored a medical marijuana prescription to protect you from the ojo

6. Your tricked-out chrome lowrider bike is a vintage Schwinn fixie

Mas…Are you a ‘Chipster’ (Chicano + hipster)? Pocho Ocho ways to tell

They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

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gordobaby400BURNS: Smithers! The Latinos! With the demographics! And the babies! Quick, we need Latino baby food! It’s a goldmine of a wagon de band upon which we must to hop!

SMITHERS: But, Mr. Burns? Latino baby food? WTF? For God’s sake, man, we already have Clorox Latino. When will the madness end?

BURNS: It’s already happening, Smithers, and I just read on Fox Latino that “one of the concerns that Hispanic mothers have is losing touch with their culture and their culinary roots.” Cashing in on concerns is the capitalist way, Smithers. Release the perros!

What are these trendy Latino baby food items anyhow? We’ve got the deets on the Pocho Ocho:

Mas…They know what we want! Pocho Ocho trendiest Latino baby foods

You can’t un-see this: Celebrity Photoshop ‘makeunders’ (photos)

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New York artist Danny Evans uses his mad Photoshop skillz to fight for truth, justice and pinche reality in a series of celebrity photographs artfully reimagined as photos of ordinary people. Here are Johnny Depp and Madonna, for example:

johnnydeppreally300 madonna300

Not done yet? You can take more, no problem? Meet Brad and Angelina and Jennifer Lopez by herself and pictured with Marc Anthony:

Mas…You can’t un-see this: Celebrity Photoshop ‘makeunders’ (photos)

So you think you can dance? Peep the Magnificent Riflebird (video)

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“The Magnificent Riflebird (Ptiloris magnificus) is a medium-sized (up to 34 cm long) passerine bird widely distributed throughout lowland rainforests of New Guinea and far Northeastern Australia. Males are polygamous and perform solitary courtship displays on a ‘dancing perch’. During these displays, the male fully extends his wings and raises his tail; he hops upward while swinging his head from side to side, showing off his metallic blue-green breast shield. Multiple females will observe these displays, and, if satisfied with the performance, reward the male with copulations.” …Wikipedia.

Pocho Ocho ways to tell you’re watching ‘Latino ñews’

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twocastersIt’s no surprise to us Pochodores — it’s why we started POCHO.COM:

Actual research reveals more and more U.S. Latinos are getting their ñews in Ingles — ñews from respected journalists like brothers Jorge Cooper-Ramos (right), and Anderson Ramos-Cooper (left.)

OK, sometimes Latinos get their ñews from Gustavo Almadovar live in the O.C., but not lately.

Meanwhile, Univision is leading in the July ratings wars with the most viewers under 50, the first time a Spanish-language network topped the charts.

Mas…Pocho Ocho ways to tell you’re watching ‘Latino ñews’

Breaking: Actor Jesse Borrego to unveil new salsa

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chingasalsa(PNS reporting from TAMPA) Chicano actor Jesse Borrego, famous for Blood In, Blood Out, is set to unveil a new salsa that he says will “light a fire under your ass!”

The salsa, named “Chinga Tu Madre!” will be sold in cans only and is slated for release this September by the Rick Bayless Division of Frito Lay.

Borrego invited PNS to sample some of the salsa Tuesday at what he calls his “private office.”

Mas…Breaking: Actor Jesse Borrego to unveil new salsa

Your basic futuristic Pre-Columbian animation from Israel (video)

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From Israel comes this tale of a little girl in a “futuristic Pre-Columbian tribe” where everyone wears a mask. When the girl reaches the age of maturity, she’ll get a mask herself and she understands that accepting the mask will make her one of the tribe. Also involved: Carlos Castandeda’s Don Juan, abstract electronic music, high-speed rail, totem poles, pyramids, tunnels, skyscrapers, the Great Wall of China and iPads (could be Androids, hard to tell.) Mas Que La Cara , according to creator Yaniv Cohen, a college student, is from the Spanish and means “more than the face” or “added face.” It’s also the root of the word “masque.”

The map is not the territory — or is it? (toons)

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mainlandusamapbigWe’ve already run maps seeking to explain such mysteries as Texas and Florida. But now for something completely different via our friends at Wired.com. Well semi-different. Actually not that different from the Texas map but instructive, nevertheless. It’s a map [click to enlarge] of Los United Estates, from Yanko Tsvetkov’s Atlas of Prejudice. Look right to you?

And here’s Tsetkov’s map of the world according to Americans [click to enlarge]:

Mas…The map is not the territory — or is it? (toons)

From the OC: Finish this Mexican funnel cake and it’s free (video)

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At the Orange County Fair in Costa Mesa, there’s a tempting challenge for manly men — finish a gargantuan pile of fried dough (AKA a Mexican funnel cake) in 30 minutes and this exciting taste sensation is yours for free. It’s a $20 dessert, weighs five pounds and comes with whipped cream and strawberries. Of course, it’s easier said than done, as this video shows.

Breaking: ‘Everything is everything,’ WeHo man reports

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everything(PNS reporting from WEST HOLLYWOOD) “Everything is everything,” a long-time West Hollywood denizen reminded passersby Sunday.

Kenny Southpaw, who has observed the local scene in this small Los Angeles County city since he completed his court-ordered halfway house stay in October 2010, maintains an office on the mini-mall sidewalk in front of Los Tacos on the south side of Santa Monica Boulevard, just west of Fairfax Avenue, across from the Method Acting school and between the 7-Eleven and the gay “Wash & Cruise” laundromat.

“What goes around comes around,” he informed convenience store shoppers, Mexican food diners and people with dirty clothes who ignored his pleas for cigarettes, food and beer.

“Got any spare change?” he added.

Kenny photo by PattyMooney. Los Tacos photo via VisitWestHollywood.com

POCHO ÑEWS SERVICE PNS IS A WHOLLY-FICTITIOUS SUBSIDIARY OF POCHISMO, INC., A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION, WHO IS A PERSON ACCORDING TO THE SUPREME COURT. DON’T ASK US, WE JUST WORK HERE.

Nopal en la frente, nopales for dinner w/ @SaraChicaD (video)

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Sara Inés Calderón (@SaraChicaD on the Twitter) does not look Mexican. But even if she doesn’t have a nopal on her forehead, she has nopales in the frying pan. [With these Vine videos you need to click on the speaker icon in the top left of the image to hear Sara Inés squee.]

NOPAL EN LA FRENTE ROUNDUP:

Release the hounds? What, me worry? I’m @ #SDCC (photos)

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whatmeworry releasethehounds2

I’m back in my hometown — however briefly — for the San Diego Comic-Con, SDCC, where I had a chance to talk with and take photos with two of my heroes, Montgomery Burns and Alfred E. Neuman.

Alcaraz. Lalo Alcaraz. I’ve got a license to toon:

lic2toon

Photographers here are always happy to snap pix of hot chicas in super hero garb. Click on the gigantor image to enlarge:

Mas…Release the hounds? What, me worry? I’m @ #SDCC (photos)

Elise @buttronica Roedenbeck VS the Pope — on Twitter (video)

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Our MiJA, Elise @buttronica Roedenbeck, doesn’t want much. She just wants additional followers on the Twitter as part of her plan for worldwide social media domination. Follow Elise to win a small box lunch with individual carafe of wine plus other cool incentives like scribbled notes and video winks (must be over legal drinking age and legal box-eating age in your jurisdiction.) Vegans — ask about the kale-quinoa bowls!

And then comes along Pope Francis (his handle is @pontifex) who is offering PAPAL INDULGENCES on Twitter. Not PayPal, you geeks, but Papal Indulgences from the Holy Father that shorten your stay in the limbo of Purgatory. What’s our MiJA to do?

[What can we say about Elise Roedenbeck, POCHO’s New Jack City Burro Jefe Emeritus, that hasn’t been ruled out by the terms of the negotiated settlement and mutual release of all claims? Just this: She sure likes butter, and it’s “butt-ronica” not “but-tronica.”]

Chicano concludes ‘Pacific Rim’ is not a movie about his MEChAs

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pacificrimmecha(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Fabian Ramirez expressed deep disappointment Wednesday night as he left the 7PM showing of Pacific Rim at the Premiere Cinema 18 at Bassett Place Mall.

The 42-year-old father of three teenagers told PNS he heard the “movie was about MEChA” and “wanted to expose my kids to a movie about Chicanos.” Ramirez, a former chair of the Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano(a) de Aztlan (MEChA) at the University of Texas campus here, gathered his children Vladimir, Xochitl and Emiliano for what he hoped would be a big family night out: Seeing “Chicanos fighting against the power structure of AmeriKKKa.”

Instead, Ramirez found the “the movie was about these big robots piloted by military shooting monsters.”

“Pacific Rim,” he sadly concluded, “is not about my MEChAs.”

Mas…Chicano concludes ‘Pacific Rim’ is not a movie about his MEChAs

Controversial magazine cover photos? Ask Oprah! (photo)

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ocoverOf course we are sensitive to the complaints from Beantown (they’re beaners after all) about Rolling Stone’s decision to make controversial Caucasian-American Dzhokhar Tsarnaev their glamorous cover boy.

But as recovering ñewspeeps ourselves, we have to point out that the accused terrorist isn’t the first villain to make it to the cover of a slick zine:

  • Mass-murdering terrorist Osama bin Laden was featured on the cover of Time with nary a protest.
  • Pedophile-junkie Michael Jackson has been on every magazine cover everywhere and there are no crowds of moonwalkers with picket signs.
  • Few heads were turned when serial bankrupter and ignorant liar Donald J. Trump graced Modern Toupee (his issue was the second-biggest seller after the Sen. Rand Paul cover.)

And there was no outrage when Oprah Winfrey put these two masterdeporters on the cover of O magazine in March of 2012.

We have to confess, though. POCHO’s biggest dream is to get banned in Boston.

East Los Angel Hope Sandoval and Mazzy Star: ‘California’ (video)

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ZOMG! Comic Saenz’s girlfriend Hope Sandoval is back fronting Mazzy Star in this day-old video-less video California from an upcoming (September) release Seasons of Your Day. Saenz loves her immediately-recognizable smokey voice and encourages Ms. Sandoval to please forgive him for that one time at the Dal Rae in Pico Rivera.

White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

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ronstadtbrown“White Hispanic” is one of mainstream media’s hottest new buzzwords, a term that has leaped off of old census forms and job applications to join the ranks of “twerking,” “3-D printing,” and “Death to Edward Snowden!”

The mainstream media needs to distinguish between different colors of Latinos because it was too polite to ask  “Why is Trayvon Martin’s killer, George Zimmerman, so… DARK for his name? And isn’t Aaron Hernandez, that allegedly trigger-happy New England Patriots player, a little… LIGHT for his?”

I guess I could be called a “White Hispanic,” as my dad’s from Colombia and my Yiddishe momme reps Brooklyn.  I really wish it didn’t take two high-profile killings to bring Latino-and-white people into the public eye, but Linda Ronstadt (photo) and Joan Baez aren’t making new albums and Little Ricky’s been off TV for a while.

Mas…White Hispanics: ‘Hey! We’re not ALL murderous douchebags’

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