Cultura

It’s Not News to Us

Hypochondriac uncle discovers amazing Internet cure — cactus juice

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(PNS reporting from LA FLORIDITA) Arturo Marengo has discovered the secret to youth, longevity, perfect health and fitness, again.

After spending last Wednesday on WebonMD trying to diagnose the dull ache in his left index finger, Marengo stumbled across an ad for Nopalea Cactus Juice and Health Supplement.

Though in his mid 30s, Marengo, a performance artist/travel agent/dog walker, suffers from multiple health issues including a sharp pain in his knee, a strange tingle behind his right ear, a constant cramp in left big toe, and a burning feeling in his left eye (Marengo suspects the eye burning is related to his toe cramp).

Mas…Hypochondriac uncle discovers amazing Internet cure — cactus juice

When ‘The Hobbit’ took back Aztlán: A Latino nerd reads Tolkien

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Today the names Smaug and Thorin Oakenshield will enter American pop culture. Dwarves rambling on a reconquista while Gollum plays riddles will reach a new audience because Peter Jackson filmed the nerd classic, The Hobbit — prequel to Lord of the Rings.

Film has more impact than the written word in today’s society and this version will reach a greater number of people than J.R.R. Tolkien’s book ever will. I am overjoyed that this classic will reach a greater number of gente, but I am filled with sadness that a child’s first encounter with The Hobbit will be in a loud theater instead of a quiet library.

Regardless, I look forward seeing my mental images from the book acted out in the big screen. And remembering the hours reading the book, which played a monumental role in my becoming Eres Nerd.

Mas…When ‘The Hobbit’ took back Aztlán: A Latino nerd reads Tolkien

Everything you need to know about ‘Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo’

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One of the great things about the Interwebs is that you can literally look up almost anything you want. That’s great right? You’d think with that kind of power there would be no stupid people but that’s just not the case. Instead, we have more stupid people now than any point in history. How do I know this? I’m on Twitter a lot.

So, the other day on Twitter, a friend of mine (we’ll call him Jose) started posting about the classic breakdancing film Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo. I hadn’t thought about that film in years and he ended up posting a link to the entire film. For the life of me, I could not stop watching it. For one thing, it’s like a nasty car wreck that you just have to look at and like some sorry rubbernecker, I ended up watching the whole thing.

Mas…Everything you need to know about ‘Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo’

From Mexican ‘Santa Claus’ (1959): Lupita’s Devil Dream (video)

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Here’s maybe the most famous scene from K. Gordon Murray’s English dub of the low-budget live-action Mexican classic Santa Claus. In this scene, which has given kids nightmares for years, Lupita’s dreams are interrupted by the Devil. Santa is able to see it (from his cloud in outer space) thanks to the dream-scope, created by Merlin the Magician.

This trailer is for a 2007 MST3K-style parody version:

Mas…From Mexican ‘Santa Claus’ (1959): Lupita’s Devil Dream (video)

Warning! Aliens will put your human baby in the microwave (video)

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Really, you want to do the right thing. Love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek, if it’s yellow let it mellow.

Enticing noises. Hypnotic lights.

All your life you’ve been thinking about the Mothership and the Space Brothers and ZOMG here they are in your backyard! What do you do? You do the Christian thing and invite them in for cuppa tea, of course. And what the frack do the aliens do? Hint: It involves babies and microwaves. (Based on a true story. Simulated gore may sicken people who are sickened by that kind of stuff.)

POCHO thanks La Virgen de Guadalupe for helping us break the ñews

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Today is the Feast Day of La Virgen de Guadalupe, the Empress of Latin America, celebrated every December 12.

La Virgen has consistently helped POCHO break the ñews. Here are a few of our favorite stories that included Nuestra Señora:

She replaced Feliz Navidad with ‘Feliz Hanukkah’ (audio)

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When Austin resident Trina Hernandez (photo) found out her family had Jewish roots, it allowed her to ditch the commercial aspects of Christmas she had long disliked and connect to a tradition she found more meaningful for her and her son. From NPR’s Latino USA with Maria Hinojosa.

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I could have been an astrophysicist, except I’m a Latina

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Back in October, Florida created a new set of educational policies which permits/expects blacks and Latinos to test lower on standardized tests than whites or Asian students.  Since they’re expected to test lower,  Florida thereby eliminates the  embarassing “achievement gap” and the white education bureaucrats can “stand their ground.”

While we’re at it, why don’t we segregate each classroom per race? We can even have separate bathrooms and drinking fountains per race. Seems legit!

I am actually the product of the Florida school system. This ethnic divide rule reminds me of my first year at the University of Central Florida. Though I had a great high school record and was making straight As, I had to take mandatory seminars teaching me how to do well in school.

Did everyone have to take these courses? Nope. Well, why would a straight-A student have to attend such seminars?

Because I am Latina.

Mas…I could have been an astrophysicist, except I’m a Latina

On Beverly Hills’ Rodeo Drive, it looks a bit like Christmas (photos)

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Ramiro J. Gomez is a West Hollywood installation artist who makes and places cardboard avatars of immigrant laborers around Southern California’s richer neighborhoods; his mission is to make normally invisible people visible, if just for a short time.

Monday around 4:30 Gomez was busy populating the cardboard labor force on Beverly Hills‘ famed shopping street, Rodeo Drive, where it’s beginning to look a bit like Christmas — Beverly Hills style, that is. Weather? Sunny, with temperatures in the low to mid 60s ℉.

Here’s what he posted on Facebook:

Finished with the cardboard installation spree today. My heart inevitably was racing, especially when I placed the cutouts on busy Rodeo Dr. but that is the most liberating and rewarding aspect of my project, the ability to go in plain sight and creatively make a statement.

Eloisa is the elote seller, Rodrigo is the paletero, and Mayra is the woman with the balloons. Here’s the view from Gomez’ camera:

Mas…On Beverly Hills’ Rodeo Drive, it looks a bit like Christmas (photos)

Watch: This may be the Internets’ only ninja cat video en Español

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In the world of videos on the Internets, we all see cat videos (or kitteh videos as they are known in some circles.)

Sometimes you see cat ninja videos, but not too often. (It’s very hard to get a cat to pay attention all the way through ninja training.)

And maybe, once in a lifetime, you find a kitteh ninja video en Español. Behold: El Gato Ninja. You’re welcome.

Mexican food tech flies high with the ‘Burrito Bomber’ (video)

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POCHO, your web authority on taco- and burrito-loving geekological innovation, is proud to feature this video showcasing the latest advance in remote burrito delivery logistics, just in time for Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday 2012 [SEE COUNTDOWN CLOCK IN RIGHT COLUMN.]

Real, unlike the bogus Taco Copter, outshining the burrito-making robot and the limited Siri-assisted margarita maker, the Burrito Bomber actually flies and drops tasty burritos at your location. ¡Orale!

Mas…Mexican food tech flies high with the ‘Burrito Bomber’ (video)

Schwarzeneggar ‘Total Retard’ bio takes hard look and bares all

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Former California Gübernator and bodybuilding icon Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s new autobiography Total Retard paints a scandalous picture of a life dominated by men, sweat, steroids, cigars and the desperate need to womanize and destroy the California economy.

Reading like a review of an action film in which the main character blows up everything in his path, the biography provides a rare glimpse of how a man who spent the first 30 years of his life in bikini briefs and body oil could become governor of the most powerful state in the Union.

“It is important to know which muscle to flex, when to flex it and who to flex it to,” writes the action movie star.

Schwarzeneggar spends a fair amount of time writing about hard lessons he learned from other fame-hungry bodybuilders and how that was the best preparation for success in Hollywood and politics.

He also talks about the opportunities he had as an immigrant to America.

“America is the land of opportunity for immigrants.” writes Schwarzeneggar,” but it helps if you are a rich, white man from Austria.”

Mas…Schwarzeneggar ‘Total Retard’ bio takes hard look and bares all

I really, really hate Christmas and here’s why

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I’m so sick of Christmas and December isn’t even a week old!

Every year it’s the same crap over and over again. I mean, I wasn’t even finished pretending not to eat Halloween candy before people started playing that Christmas music — don’t even get me started on the music! It’s like, let’s take a has-been artist and have them pump out some horrible tripe and force everyone to remember why they became irrelevant in the first place, all the while pretending like we’re enjoying the tunes.

You know, all those songs were written during a time when my grandparents weren’t even allowed to go into certain restaurants. “No Mexicans, No Dogs” is what the door signs used to say. “White Christmas” indeed!

Mas…I really, really hate Christmas and here’s why

The Talking Dead: No Habla Zombie

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The Walking Dead is a great television series. It has captured that attention of the nation with a human drama centered around less-than-human storylines. But it is not without its own flaws, one of which is the lack of racial diversity on the show.

One of the people I follow on Twitter is Glen Mazzara, the executive producer and one of the writers for The Walking Dead. His Twitter feed usually consists of promos for the show but the other day he posted a link to an article in Slate that criticized the show for only allowing one black guy at a time among the living. The Tweet ? “One Black Guy at a Time.”

The article noted that the show’s only black female character, Michonne, was not allowed to use words to settle conflicts – she always resorts to the sword. Rick, the show’s main character, has used reason to get out of a bad situation on more than one occasion. Why does the black chick always have to be pissed off, silent and bloodthirsty?

Mas…The Talking Dead: No Habla Zombie

Student activist confesses: ‘I’m actually mestizo, not indígena’

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(PNS reporting from SAN JOSE) Johnny Ramírez had a huge confession to make to his Pre-Columbian Latin American history class last week. The summer he spent in Barcelona really changed him, the San Jose State junior told his fellow students during section.

“I always felt this pressure to be true to my indígena Aztec roots, you know? Even though me — and well my parents and grandparents, too — were all born right here in California, I always wanted to honor my family’s real roots,” the well-known Latino campus activist said. (Ramirez, right, was photographed at an immigrants’ rights march last May Day.)

When he was in Barcelona, he said, he realized that he had Spanish blood, too, and it wasn’t something to be ashamed of — but proud. He has a cousin, Juanita, who has hazel eyes, so obviously his family has Spanish blood, too.

Mas…Student activist confesses: ‘I’m actually mestizo, not indígena’

Realization: Man watches telenovelas for boobs, not to learn Spanish

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(PNS reporting from IOWA CITY) Brian Peterson said he started out last Friday night like any other night — catching up on his favorite telenovela so he could improve his Spanish language skills.

But this episode of El Amor No Muere was different.

“After three months of pretending like they could be just friends, Gabriela and Domingo were finally going to get together! But instead of just kissing, they ended up, well, more compromised,” Peterson told PNS. “That’s when it happened.”

HVAC specialist Peterson had watched telenovelas purely for their educational value. He wanted to learn, in his words, “how people truly and actually live” in Mexico.

Señora Hall, his old Regina High Spanish teacher who studied Spanish in Spain, once told him many students swore by telenoevelas for their educational value, and he remembered her advice when he was trying to understand what some Spanish-speaking coworkers were trying to tell him.

“I understood tech words in Spanish like ‘hot’ and ‘cold’,” he told PNS, “but I wanted to learn the nuances of Español.  That’s why I started watch the shows on Spanish TV.”

Friday night, all of a sudden, without warning, Peterson noticed Gabriela Spanic’s ample cleavage and low-cut blouses for the first time.

Mas…Realization: Man watches telenovelas for boobs, not to learn Spanish

Tía Chita: ‘It’s final! I’ve absolutely, positively made my last tamal!’

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(PNS reporting from LAREDO) Tia Chita will not be hosting the annual holiday season tamalada at her house this year, she revealed to her family last night. As a matter of fact, she told stunned participants at her niece’s baby shower, she never wants to make another tamal in her life.

“First of all, I’m sick of all the gossip!” she shouted, pacing around the room quicker and quicker the more excited she became.

“I know the tamaladas are where all the comadres are supposed to catch up on ‘family news’ and everything, but did you ever think that I really don’t care who’s sleeping with whom and who’s going to have a baby? Ya estoy vieja, I’ve been a million weddings already!”

Chita is sick of everyone coming over to eat her food and then leaving dirty napkins everywhere, staining her nice couches with tamal grease, she said. Sometimes the bathroom gets stopped up, and she has to have the neighbor come over with the plumber’s snake. “He’s not a smell-good plumber,” she grimaced.

Mas…Tía Chita: ‘It’s final! I’ve absolutely, positively made my last tamal!’

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