“POCHO,” they email us, “why you be hatin’ all the time? Imma tell you the gente are tired of all that. They want dancing — and dogs!” We are so here for you, dear readers.
Cultura
It’s Not News to Us
In ‘Reportero’ Tijuana journalists try to do their jobs — and live (video)
Reportero follows a veteran reporter and his colleagues at Zeta, a Tijuana-based independent newsweekly, as they stubbornly ply their trade in one of the deadliest places in the world for members of the media. As the drug war intensifies and the risks to journalists become greater, will the free press be silenced?
Happy 78th Birthday Elvis Presley, undocumented worker (video)
El Rey de Rock Elvis Presley would have been 78 today. Here, in Fun in Acapulco, he needs to score cash but he has no working papers. What to do?
Hey white bitches talkin’ sh*t: You better back your sh*t up (video)
Yo yo yo you white bitches: If you’re talkin’ shit about Mexicans, you better back your shit up! (NSFW audio.)
Local woman tired of having personal relationship with bodega owner
(PNS reporting from DA BRONX) Area resident Paloma Campos is fed up with the “familiarity” at her local bodega.
Campos, a molecular biologist, complained to friends last week about the exhausting personal relationship she’s expected to maintain with bodega owner Victor Martinez (photo, right.)
“Why can’t I just buy a can of soda without discussing my personal life? Just give me my goddam Jupiña,” Campos said.
Campos first started visiting the bodega on the corner of 182nd and Grand as a young teen when her family moved to the area. Though she moved away for four years to attend college, Campos was eventually guilt-tripped by her mother to move back to the West Bronx.
Campos ended up renting the apartment directly above the small store where she has lived for the past eight years. While she was able to sublet the apartment from her cousin’s step-sons’s girlfriend’s cousin at a great price, she cannot make a simple grocery purchase without a 20-minute discussion.
Mas…Local woman tired of having personal relationship with bodega owner
Navarrette vs Acuña: The debate about DREAMers gets personal
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| Ruben Navarrette, Jr. | Dr. Rodolfo Francisco Acuña |
It’s the debate that’s burning up the blogosphere. Talking head and self-promoting Latino expert Ruben Navarrette, Jr. thinks those DREAMers are so SELFISH and LAME and NEEDY that they are drawing attention away from important topics, the most important of which is Navarrette who is no pinche DREAMer, thank you very much. Dr. Rodolfo Francisco Acuña, the father of Chicano Studies, responds.
Here are the two columns, side by side:
Mas…Navarrette vs Acuña: The debate about DREAMers gets personal
They met at Ikea, fell in love, and now it’s ‘Tango for Janjsö’ (video)
Kvart (left) strong, tall and firm, led a lonely life on the floor of the Lighting Department of Ikea, until he met the lovely, lithe Jonjsö (right). Now their life is a romantic tango.
Mas…They met at Ikea, fell in love, and now it’s ‘Tango for Janjsö’ (video)
The Pocho Ocho cosas I found in my Rosca de Reyes
Sunday is Three Kings Day, Dia de Los Reyes Magos, AKA Epiphany, the day when Los Tres Reyes dropped by the manger to gift up the original Anchor Baby, El Baby Jesus.
Check out the pocho ocho things we found in the Rosca de Reyes here at the POCHO world headquarters:
8. Plastic Baby Jesus
7. One long black hair
6. Homies action figure “Cholo Priest”
Opera Video: Enrico Caruso sings ‘Una Furtiva Lagrima’ (with fish)
Something fishy is afloat in Berkeley, and the sad aria Una Furtiva Lagrima sung by Enrico Caruso will get you hooked.
New Year’s Day 2013 according to a few photographs
Occupy at the Rose Parade in Pasadena:
The day after New Year’s Eve in New York City:
Merry New Year from Eddie Murphy (video, beef jerky not included)
Eddie Murphy, always fly, wishes everyone a Merry New Year!
Crossing the street in Guadalajara? Mind those traffic signals! (video)
New Mexico pocho Louis Head sent in this 30-second travel video. Be careful out there, pochos — cross in the crosswalks and espere la luz!
Mexclusive! POCHO Public Service New Year Punctuation Advisory
The tilde — don’t leave home without it! Happy New Year from all the Pochodores!
Ring In the Oldies: ‘Happy New Year Baby,’ ‘Sabor A Mi’ (music videos)
It’s 1965 and big hair and girl groups are all the rage.
In East L.A., sisters Rosella, Ersi and Mary Arvizu, who had been singing and playing music together all their lives, thought they had the right stuff to be the next Supremes — even before there were Supremes. They called themselves The Sisters.
Mas…Ring In the Oldies: ‘Happy New Year Baby,’ ‘Sabor A Mi’ (music videos)
Sabado Pochonte Video Theatre: ‘A Mexican Toy Story’
What does a 65-year-old man do when he has one million toys in his personal collection? Mexican architect Roberto Shimizu opened an underground museum at his home in Mexico City.
Local Latina activist tearfully faces reality: ‘I can’t save the world’
(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Vanessa “Coyolxauhqui” García (photo, right) underwent a nervous breakdown at the Boyle Heights Community Development Council’s final 2012 meeting Wednesday night.
After several snotty tissues, García faced up to the vast distance between her dreams and reality.
“I can’t save the world! I can barely save myself!” she cried, wiping her tears on the sleeve of the Mexican peasant blouse she bought on her second trip to Chiapas in ’97.
“I’m, like, trying here. I just want to give back to my community, but it’s hard, you know? Not everyone is as dedicated to la causa as I am.”
Mas…Local Latina activist tearfully faces reality: ‘I can’t save the world’
A nerd visits Mexico City, and it’s ‘El Tonto vs El solar’ (video)
In ¡El Tonto! a socially-challenged vacationer in Mexico City strikes up an unlikely friendship with lucha libre star El Solar.
Say goodbye to 2012, ‘The Year of the Chancla’ in Mayan Calendar
Overlooked in the Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday frenzy: December 21 was also the end of the Year of the Chancla, one of nine named years in the Mayan calendar. Here are the pocho ocho other next named years:
2013: Year of the Nopal
2014: Year of the Pendleton
2015: Year of the Nalgas
2016: Year of the Chonies
Mas…Say goodbye to 2012, ‘The Year of the Chancla’ in Mayan Calendar
It’s aliens and the kids from Lugar High vs Evil Don Nabisco (video)
The crew at Lugar High (in Lugar Heights) gets a visit from space aliens who, like all space aliens, want to empower Latinos. The Lugar kids’ mission, should they decide to accept it: Confront the evil Don Nabisco, host of a wildly-popular TV show. Look for special guest star cameos by Che Guevara and Sammy Sosa.
Pocho Ocho worst Christmas presents evah
Maybe it’s me. I mean no one else gets presents like this, do they? This year, mi cholo got me action figure condoms!
Hard to believe I know, but it’s been worse. Here’s my list of the pocho ocho worst Christmas presents evah:
8. Flan-flavored vodka
7. Wine bra
6. Makeup kit from Rite Aid
Tia Lencha’s holiday survival secrets for Mexicans in New York City
Is Tia Lencha here! Feliz Navidad!
So people ask me, Tia Lencha do you have recipes for Christmas? Not really, I say. Instead I have some Secretos for celebrating the Navidad in New York City. There are no mucho Mexicans here so you have to be esmart about it so you don’t have the stress. And you need to have a Metro Card.
First, the are too many mucho peoples out chopping for presents. Tia Lencha don’t like standing in line for an hour to buy a sweater.
Thas why I use more time to buy my mijo his presents, I give to him on January 6, the day of the Tres Reyes (three kings for you pochos.) Mijo writes a letter to the three kings to tell them what he wants for his present. Instead of leaving cookies for Santa Claus, mijo leaves some grass in his shoe box under the bed for the camels of the three kings to eat. Then his present is put in the box with the grass for the camels. Like magic no?
Mas…Tia Lencha’s holiday survival secrets for Mexicans in New York City
Lord Buckley’s ‘Scrooge, a hip Christmas carol’ from 1959 (video)
It’s 1959 and hepcat supreme Lord Buckley is on fire: “Yes, me, I’m Scrooge and I got all Marley’s barley, and I’m the baddest cat in all dis world. I been studyin’ all my life how to Scrooge people, and I guarantee I done some fine work in dat direction. Cratchit!”
“Yes, sir.”
“You busy?”
“I shorely is, sir.”
“See dat you keep busy. Don’t want no danglin’ wanglin’ around here. Keep everybody tight. And tell dem two cats come in here want to get some money I ain’t givin’ no money away. Dey messin’ wit Scrooge. I’m takin’ it in. I ain’t puttin’ it out. Issat clear?”
Darlene Love: ‘Christmas for the Jews’
Rock ‘n’ roll diva Darlene Love explains: All the goyyim disappear to gather round the fire but out on the town, and in Chinese restaurants, it’s Christmas for the Jews!
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Can you donate $5 or $10 so we can make more ñews y satire? |
POCHO web server crashes as Doomsday Clock hits 00:00:00
POCHO’s web server crashed — along with the Mayan Calendar — at midnight Friday when our Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday Countdown Clock (since disabled) shut down at 00:00:00. If you stopped by after midnight — we rebooted at 7:30 AM — here’s what you saw and heard.
Can you help POCHO upgrade our infrastructure?
Mas…POCHO web server crashes as Doomsday Clock hits 00:00:00
Merry Christmas from ‘Pancho Claus’ and Lalo Guerrero (videos)
Pancho Claus? He’s Santa’s cousin from south of the border! Long before he recorded novelty tunes, Lalo Guerrero was a star. Some call him the Father of Chicano music.
Mas…Merry Christmas from ‘Pancho Claus’ and Lalo Guerrero (videos)
La Cucaracha: All I want for Christmas is… (toon)
Based on the POCHO story “The Talking Dead: No Habla Zombie” by S.J. Rivera.
Exposed! MTV’s Satanic-Masonic War on Christmas (video)
Oh sure, the MTV spot looks like your average Lame Stream Media pandering Christmas-related promo — until you look a little bit closer. Then you see that it’s really a commercial for the Devil!
Newtown, Quentin Tarantino and the culture of death
Like many people, I’ve spent these past few days reflecting on what’s wrong. What the hell is going on? People are expressing so-called shock and awe at the recent violence in Connecticut but no one has any answers. Some would call it soul-searching, others grasping for straws. Others still are trying to squeeze as much blood from this stone as they can before it passes into obscurity, which it eventually will…
One thing that I know for sure is that the violence epidemic in the United States of America is not attributed to any one thing. We have been on this road for a long time now and anyone shocked by the fruit that the blood-soaked soil has produced has not been paying attention. Welcome to the culture of death.
It’s Frosty, the really freakin’ scary snowman (NSFW video)
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul, with a corn cob pipe and a button nose, and two eyes made of coal. This Providence, RI snowman ain’t Frosty, who never ate a freakin’ felafel his whole life. True fact. (NSFW audio.)
By day he’s a banker, at night: ‘Facebook Gangsta’ (NSFW video)
There he is at the office, in his cube, in his suit, with the numbers, the straight-ahead business. At night he’s a player, a Facebook Gangsta. (NSFW lyrics.)