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Brazil sex workers learn English to prep for World Cup (NSFW video)

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The Association of Prostitutes of Minas Gerais is teaching English to sex workers to help them deal with foreign customers. The state will host a match between Costa Rica and England and expects horny hordes of visiting futbol fans. Monday’s class, run by Igor Fuchs, was the last before today’s formal start of the games in Sao Paolo. [NSFW adult language and images.]

Along with normal conversational vocabulary, the students also learn words which might be used during encounters with clients. Sex work has been legal in Brazil since the year 2000.

Ex-Daily Show contributor John Oliver (Last Week Tonight on HBO) has some excellent World Cup coverage, too:

Mas…Brazil sex workers learn English to prep for World Cup (NSFW video)

RIP Jesus ‘Chucho’ Perales, Chicano rock pioneer (video)

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chucoyoungJesus “Chucho” Perales, a founding member and guitarist with Mando & the Chili Peppers, a band considered to be among the very first of the Chicano rock ‘n’ rollers in the mid-1950s, died Sunday. He was 78.

My San Antonio writes:

The Chili Peppers were the first Mexican-American group to appear on American Bandstand. The group toured the country, played Las Vegas and performed with Ritchie Valens, the Champs and Duane Eddy. The band’s album, On the Road with Rock N Roll, recorded in 1958, is a collector’s item.

He received his first guitar, a Gene Autry model, when he was 8 from Alfred Flores Sr., owner of Alamo Music. By 14, Perales was playing rough joints with pioneering conjunto musician Valerio Longoria.

Jesus “Chucho” Perales was born on Christmas Day 1935.

Mas…RIP Jesus ‘Chucho’ Perales, Chicano rock pioneer (video)

Obituary: Farewell to ‘La Chuy’

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laloandmomMy mom, María de Jesús Alcaraz de López (or “Chuy,” as most of the Alcaraz family called her) was born in 1929 in Villa Union, Mexico, in the fertile Sinaloa land outside of Mazatlán.

She grew up as the youngest sister of five: Maria Luisa, Cany, Juanita and Esther. Their father, Inocencio, a ranchero, died young and left his widow Cirila and the five girls to farm their land.

My mom once described her father as having blue eyes and an extremely bald head. She told me about how he once had severely whipped a man who had injured her with his horse. Oh, the idyllic ranchero lifestyle….

Mas…Obituary: Farewell to ‘La Chuy’

Taco Bell plans poetry-grilled ‘Verso-Quesarito-Burrito’

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elpoetryburrito(PNS reporting from CHICAGO) Cheesy burrito fans and hashtag activists, your prayers have been answered! Taco Bell will debut a new menu item Monday – the Verso-Quesarito-Burrito, a burrito wrapped in a quesadilla with Mexican poetry written on the tortilla.

The VQB is a ground “beef” burrito with rice, chipotle sauce and reduced-fat sour cream in a grilled quesadilla full of melted American cheese.

You can also order the quesadilla-burrito hybrid with shredded chicken or steak. As an added bonus, the Verso-Quesarito-Burrito will feature poems written on the tortilla by Mexican day laborers. They’ll be versifying using only gluten-free ink, of course (photo.)

Mas…Taco Bell plans poetry-grilled ‘Verso-Quesarito-Burrito’

Back from the dead and running for Congress, it’s Cesar Chavez!

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newchavez(PNS reporting from TUCSON) Cesar Chavez — noted American farm worker, labor leader and civil rights activist — is back from the dead and running for the congressional seat being vacated by retiring Rep. Ed Pastor (D-AZ).

“I will do just about anything to win in Arizona’s heavily Hispanic 7th Congressional District,” Chavez said in a press release, “including rising from the grave if that’s what it takes.”

A Chavez spokesman said the newly-registered Democratic candidate (until recently a two-time Republican loser) had been “flooded with calls” and was no longer speaking to the press, but if he did decide to answer questions, he would not discuss how he came back from the dead or what the afterlife is like.

Mas…Back from the dead and running for Congress, it’s Cesar Chavez!

Pocho Ocho upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used

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chipotlebabyAs POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano noted Friday, Chipotle Mexican Grill pulled a boner when it decided to put short stories from ten famous authors on its cups and bags but couldn’t find one Latino with words worthy enough to wrap its burritos.

There’s now a Facebook book group organizing around this issue and the Pochodores have been brainstorming inspirational packaging ideas as well.

First off all, short stories? Srsly? TL;DR, amiright?

Here are the Pocho Ocho more upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used:

8. There’s a reason you separate the military and the police. One fights the enemies of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people. (Commander William Adama.)

7. Repression….Recession. It’s all the same thing, man. (Cheech Marin.)

6. In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face some day. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous guy who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo. (Lucky Day.)

Mas…Pocho Ocho upworthy Latino quotes Chipotle should have used

Pocho Ocho weirdest things found in Columbus’ Santa Maria shipwreck

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colombussantamariaThe wreck of slave-trader and hopelessly-lost “explorer” Christopher Columbus’ Santa Maria flagship has been found off the coast of Haiti, according to reports.

The ship’s five-century-old cannon was looted but archaeologists are excited by eight unusual items they were able to retrieve from the ship, the Pocho Ocho weirdest items found on the Santa Maria:

8. Antique syphilis specially imported into the Western Hemisphere by his crew

7. The most extensive collection of 15th-century porn ever found outside the Vatican Library

6. A Ferdinand and Isabella “after sex selfie” oil painting

Mas…Pocho Ocho weirdest things found in Columbus’ Santa Maria shipwreck

Why Rep. Joe Garcia (D-Miami) picked his ear wax, ate it on TV (video)

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garcia-pick(PNS reporting from WASHINGTON, D.C.) A close look at a recent C-SPAN video reveals that Florida Democratic Congressman Joe Garcia, Jr. picked his ear wax and ate it on live TV, a Cuban folkloric ritual rarely seen outside Miami’s Cuban-American community.

“La Ceremonia de la Cera del Oído can be traced to a curandero who lived in Guantanamera, Cuba around 1750 or so,” University of Miami Professor of Anthropology Freso “Biff” del Blanco told PNS.

“By eating the ear wax in public, the eater hopes to symbolically ingest and consume all that he is hearing through his ears, to better understand the cacophony of voices in his head.”

Mas…Why Rep. Joe Garcia (D-Miami) picked his ear wax, ate it on TV (video)

Did Puerto Rican lawyers cause rise in bed-fall fatalities?

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people-who-died-by-falling-out-of-their-bed_number-of-lawyers-in-puerto-rico(PNS reporting from CAMBRIDGE, MASS) Did you know that the more lawyers there are in Puerto Rico, the more people die from falling out of their beds?

That’s the startling statistical relationship discovered by the prestigious Harvard Law-school-based Spurious Correlations Institute, one of many recently revealed on their website.

Mas…Did Puerto Rican lawyers cause rise in bed-fall fatalities?

Shock confession! Local man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is about

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broncof(PNS reporting from EAST LOS) Ruben Covarrubias astounded family and friends here Sunday night when he admitted that the meaning of Cinco de Mayo didn’t concern him and he’d always thought “May 5 was Mexican Independence Day, so like so what?!”

“I don’t care what it’s about,” he told everyone within earshot of the backyard grill. “I just always celebrated it with MEChA and at school. Partay!”

Friends and family at the Covarrubias’ weekly carne asada were aghast. Some reconsidered whether they’d be driving back to El Sereno next week, multiple witness reported.

Mas…Shock confession! Local man doesn’t care what Cinco de Mayo is about

Cartel street fight in Puebla, MX crushes French gang invaders

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Federales clean up bodies after cartel Battle of Puebla

(PNS reporting from PUEBLA, MX) Federales have finished cleaning up the streets of this southeastern city after a three-day battle between area gangsters and a French gang left 83 locals and 462 gabachos dead, PNS has learned.

The  Marseilles gang (“La Eme”) — sent to collect a drug debt allegedly owed by the Puebla-based Ignacio Zaragosa clika (the “Zetas”) — was overwhelmed by the fierce Mexican gangbangers.

Faulty HUMINT (human intelligence) was also a factor.

Based on bogus tips from informants who called themselves “los mentirosos,” which La Eme interpreted as “mentors,” the frogs engaged the enemy at noon. La Eme expected the Zeta sentries to be taking siestas with their sombreros pulled so low they couldn’t see the advancing gunmen. And the close-by burros? The French plan relied on the overhwhelming odor of naturally estanky donkeys to mask the telltale scent of French breath-de-fromage.

But the Zetas were not asleep and those weren’t your mother’s burritos.

Mas…Cartel street fight in Puebla, MX crushes French gang invaders

Taco Bell reveals secret 12% ingredients in 88% ‘beef’ tacos

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dogeingredientsIt’s not news that the “beef” in Taco Bell’s “beef” tacos was only 88% actual “beef.” POCHO amigo Gustavo Arellano was all over that years ago. But wassup with the other 12%?

The mystery ended Tuesday as the fast-food chain came clean about the secret ingredients which the company says are all “completely safe and approved by the FDA.”

“They do have weird names,” Taco Bell wrote on its website, ”perfect for tongue twisters!…They’re common ingredients also found in food items at your grocery store.”

As a public service, we’re happy to present the complete list, as if any of you pochos go to Taco Bell at all:

Mas…Taco Bell reveals secret 12% ingredients in 88% ‘beef’ tacos

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