It’s News to Us!
Ann Coulter made headlines recently by stating “Civil rights are for blacks” and blacks alone. Oh Ann, sweet little Ann. It’s hard to imagine you were ever a child (mainly because you’re so damn old.)
The statement is part of a larger argument that gays, women, and immigrants aren’t owed the same civil rights as African-Americans because those groups were never affected by America’s “legacy of slavery and Jim Crow laws.”
Backtrack 200+ years for one second.
“Latinos can go “blank” themselves!”
This is what Kennedy Center director Michael Kaiser must have been thinking when he screamed, “Go F___ yourself!” into the telephone when confronted by Felix Sanchez, director of the National Hispanic Foundation for the Arts (NHFA) on the continuing Latino Lockout at the Kennedy Center honors.
Since its 1978 founding, the Kennedy Center has only honored Latin@s Chita Rivera and Placido Domingo. I spoke to Sanchez about this disturbing incident, and the even more disturbing third-of-a-century-long diss against Latino artists in the United States.
LA: Felix, first of all I want to applaud you for revealing the media what Kaiser said to you on the telephone. Most people would defer and not speak up about a private and embarrassing (to Kaiser) conversation. Can you briefly re-tell what happened?
For two years we’ve been trying to reach the Kennedy Center chair, president, producer, and even Caroline Kennedy. We’ve sent letters, emails, phone calls and we’ve gotten ZERO response. We were able to talk to the assistant to Kaiser. This is the buffer they set up between us and the administration of the Kennedy Center. They refused to meet with us, saying they cannot meet with anyone lobbying for individuals to receive the honor. They have been fighting anyone who wants to get to the truth of the matter. They have no interest in resolving or cooperating this issue. So on September 12th they announced the 2012 honorees.
(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) Gov. Mitt Romney‘s Presidential campaign, which has little support outside its base of old, ignorant white people, picked up a key “ethnic” endorsement late Sunday as the Ferengi-American Political Action Committee (FAPAC) backed his White House bid.
“Frankly,” FAPAC Grand Nagus Ishka told a hastily-called press conference here, “he had us at ‘corporations are people, my friend’ but when we started matching up his beliefs with the Rules of Acquisition we knew he was our guy! We totally admire his greed.”
FAPAC released a photograph (above) of the group after a meeting with the candidate at the majestic Mormon Temple here and passed out a chart showing their similar philosophies:
Mas…Ferengi-Americans endorse Romney: ‘We totally admire his greed’
POCHO’s ñewsweek was all about the Mittster as the GOP wannabe wished he were a puro Latino, dissed half of America and looked mysteriously moreno on a Univision appearance.
But wait, there’s more! Sarah Silverman explained how the GOP is trying to keep you from voting, Latinas have racist vaginas, and that new monkey species discovered in Africa reminded us of…JESUS?
The links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney el moreno; no photo, no voto; santo monkey
It’s not going to be easy for Gov. Mitt Romney to win Latino votes, but Esteban Colberto lays out the possible approaches
Those vendidos at Univision‘s Espanish subtitling department are lying Cubanos and they hate Mexicans like me. That is the ONLY EXPLANATION I have for the way they translated my remarks for my Espanish-speaking friends.
Here is what I really said:
So-called transcript: But the truth is as you know my dad was born of American parents living in Mexico.
Correct subtitle: YO SER MEXI-MORMON GUERO
The immigration system, I think we all agree, is broken and it’s been a political football for years. MEXICANOS DEBER EL SELF-DEPORTO
Mas…@MexicanMitt: Corrected subtitles for my Univision appearance
The Internets are buzzing with questions about about Gov. Mitt Romney’s appearance on last night’s Univision forum live from Miami. Digerati are confused about what he said AND how he looked.
POCHO’s Campaign Team 2012 was online all night handling their news sources to find the Pocho Ocho reasons the candidate looked so dark-skinned:
8. Was present at explosion at enchilada sauce factory
7. Stayed in a sauna too long with Speaker John Boehner
6. He is a huge Annoying Orange fan
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Romney appeared so ‘dark’ on Univision
Mitt Romney wishes he were a Latino because it would bring him advantages he didn’t have as a rich white kid from the suburbs. On The Daily Show, POCHO Migrant Editor Al Madrigal and his minority TDS office-mate Jessica Williams explain to Jon Stewart how that works.
GOP Presidential nominee Gov. Mitt Romney will be in the hot seat on Univisión at 7PM PDT tonight. Anchors Jorge Ramos and María Elena Salinas will ask him questions in Spanish, and Latino wannabe Romney will respond in English.
It’s an ideal time to bust out your Arpaio Viejo™ Tequila for a drinking game! Every time Mitt Romney does something from Column A, take a drink according to the rules in Column B:
Mas…The Mitt Romney is on Univisión’s hot seat drinking game
I say that jokingly, but it would be helpful to be Latino.
Sometimes I say the DARNDEST THINGS. As a Republican Presidential candidate with a good chance of unseating an incumbent Presidente, it is very important to watch what you say. But I keep on saying CREYSY CHET.
It’s as if I’m not aware that I am ALREADY LATINO. I am already enjoying the benefits of being MORE LATINO THAN SHOULD BE LEGALLY ALLOWED.
People really don’t realize that Mexican Mitt Romney is SOOOO LATINO. Let me help the still clueless. My PADRE was born in CHIHUAHUA on a RANCHO. (Rancho is Spanish for MORMON POLYGAMOUS COMPOUND.) His parents had Self-Deported to Mexico before the Mexican Revolution, and Self-Deported back during. Then they were on government assistance. WHOOPS, THAT WAS A PRETTY MEXICAN THING TO DO.
Randy Newman weighs in on the election with I’m Dreaming of a White President.
Here’s streaming audio and a free download:
Mas…Randy Newman: ‘I’m Dreaming of a White President’ (video, audio)
(PNS reporting from SAN ANTONIO) Can you speak eSpanish like Mexican Mitt? Can you dance around a sombrero at a moment’s notice? Do you crease your Dickies until they can cut through glass? If you answered “no” to any of these questions then you might be a fake Mexican, just like San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro.
In the latest “fake Mexican” scandal, Castro made headlines across the country as the first Latino keynote speaker at the Democratic National Convention earlier this month, but his glaring lack of forced Spanish catch-phrases has some people questioning his Mexican card. Some have even dared to call the vato a pocho…
Mas…Fake Mexicans: Why Julian Castro failed the Mexican test
Que busy ñewsweek!
Say hello to Angry Abuelas, pochos. The new iPhone 5 — code-named La Raza — is especially designed for Latinos.
Two videos broke the news: GOP presidential wannabe Mitt Romney wished he were a puro Latino and his campaign released a new Spanish-language ad aimed at “white Hispanics.”
In science ñews, cilantro haters breathed a sigh of relief as genetics proved it was not their fault and the new African monkey species looks familiar somehow.
Here are the links:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Romney? Ya No Más, I wish I were Latino; iPhone La Raza
(PNS reporting from PHOENIX) Arizona’s toughest sheriff, Joe Arpaio, might soon be known as Arizona’s fiercest sheriff. Arpaio is gearing up for what he expects will be the toughest of his five re-election campaigns and he is pulling out all the stops this time by revealing his alter ego, “KoKo.”
No stranger to controversy, Arpaio is facing a determined effort from immigration rights activists and the Justice Department to push him out of office but says that “KoKo” will give him the edge this time in fending off his enemies.
A ruling in a lawsuit that alleges his department violated the civil rights of Latinos is expected any day now but Arpaio says that he will weather the storm with “swag and style” the likes of which Maricopa County has never witnessed.
Mas…Sheriff Joe gears up for tough re-election battle, reveals secret weapon
From the You Can’t Make This Shit Up Department: Gov. Willard “Mitt” Romney, Republican candidate for Presidente of the United Estates, wishes things were a little different. Would he self-deport?
Thanks to LatinoRebels.com for the tip.
Johnny Perez, the original drummer for Tex-Mex superstar band Sir Douglas Quintet, died Tuesday in Los Angeles. He was 69. This 1965 video shows Perez and his bandmates performing their hit She’s About A Mover on NBC’s Hullaballoo.
Here’s the band with Mendocino:
Mas…RIP Johnny Perez, drummer for original Sir Douglas Quintet (videos)
POCHO has been following the campaign of Astronaut José Hernández (@Astro_Jose on Twitter) ever since GOP tools tried to block him from using the title “astronaut” in his quest to represent Northern California in Congress.
Mas…New ad: Astronaut José ‘@Astro_Jose’ Hernández for Congress (video)
(PNS reporting from SILICON VALLEY) Apple fanboys, Wall Street, tech geeks and Samsung engineers are eagerly awaiting Apple’s announcement of a new iPhone model today, and some inside sources are predicting a breakthrough product aimed at the growing Latino market.
The iPhone 5 — code-named iPhone La Raza — is said to include these new features:
POCHO Jefe-in-Chief Lalo Alcaraz joins an all-estrella Xican@ literary line-up at the Cypress Park Library Tuesday night Sept. 11 to read from ¡Ban This!, the anthology edited by POCHO contributor Santino J. Rivera.
An Evening of Mass Education starts at 5PM and features Alcaraz, Rivera, POCHO Subcommandanta del News Sara Inés Calderón, Gustavo Ask ¡A Mexican! Arellano, writer Gina Ruiz (we have her science fiction short story here) and many more.
The cool peeps at the library have lots more information on their blog. Look for live Tweets during the gig with hashtag #BanThis.
We’ll be streaming the evening here:
Mas…5PM Live Stream! Pochopalooza at Cypress Park Library: ¡Ban This!
The political conventions are finally over and the poll results are in: Latinos don’t really care.
How can this be!? The Democrats saw the GOP’s Rubio and raised them two Castros!
To help our political friends understand, here are the Pocho Ocho reasons Latino voters were not turned on by the conventions:
8. No piñatas crafted in the opponent’s likeness.
7. No sophisticated flamenco dance numbers performed by kindergarteners.
6. No midgets.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Latinos weren’t turned on by political conventions
Univision news anchor Maria Elena Salinas reflects on covering the attacks of September 11, 2001 and how that event affected the perception of immigrants in the U.S.
Mainstream media has finally awakened to the profit potential of pochismo, according to the prestigious Columbia Journalism Review:
Lalo Alcaraz [photo, right] has always embraced the word pocho. It refers to Mexican-Americans who have lost their Mexican culture and speak English, and it’s what relatives occasionally called Alcaraz when he was growing up in San Diego. He has leveraged it ever since. In the 1990s, Alcaraz and a friend founded POCHO Magazine, which led to pocho.com. Both projects used English when, for years, “Hispanic media” usually meant Spanish-language content. They satirized Latino issues and poked fun at biculturalism. “We had the National Pochismo Institute,” he says, “where we would send out a fake survey and ‘rate your pochismo.’ ” Currently, Alcaraz hosts a radio show called the “Pocho Hour of Power” on KPFK in Los Angeles.
Republican standard-bearer Gov. Willard “Mitt” Romney has released a new Spanish-language TV commercial. If you don’t hablar, we’ve prepared an English-subtitled/captioned version for your enlightenment.
Is brown the new black?
That’s the question POCHO asked in a massively-popular photo essay that featured Japanese women who dress like cholas. They make ‘gang’ signs, they pose and they mad-dog the camera. Is this a good thing?
Political coverage broke most of the ñews this week as just-released-from-Twitterham-jail @MexicanMitt Romney debuted a music video and had lots to say about the Democratic Convention in Dixie, especially that Bill Clinton guey.
Here are POCHO’s big estories:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Japanese cholas, @MexicanMitt sings, DNC delirium
COMO CHINGA ESE OBAMA.
If this Democratic convention was the FIESTA, then this yobs report is the CRUDA!
There is no bowl of menudo big enough to cure the mess that Barack Obama has failed to clean up after the frat boy party thrown by George W. Bush. Whoops, never mind that I mentioned what’s-his-face.
Even Julian Castro’s Menudo Cook-Off-winning abuela could not boil enough pansa for Americans to stomach four more years of Marxist Socialist Communism Veganism. I have no facts to back that up, but GUATEVER. I don’t need facts, I AM A RICH DUDE.
As for the actual Democrap convention, here’s my review:
POCHO was so inspired by Bill Clinton’s espeech, with all the math and stuff, that we decided to arithmetically analyze President Obama’s address to the Democratic National Convention.
What does it all mean? Dunno. Math is hard. What do you think?
| Some top phrases containing 8 words (without punctuation marks) | Occurencies |
| harder but it leads to a better place | 2 |
| and now you have a choice we can | 2 |
| share and everyone plays by the same rules | 2 |
| does their fair share and everyone plays by | 2 |
| fair share and everyone plays by the same | 2 |
| and everyone does their fair share and everyone | 2 |
| their fair share and everyone plays by the | 2 |
| fair shot and everyone does their fair share | 2 |
| everyone gets a fair shot and everyone does | 2 |
| shot and everyone does their fair share and | 2 |
| gets a fair shot and everyone does their | 2 |
| a fair shot and everyone does their fair | 2 |
| everyone does their fair share and everyone plays | 2 |
Mas…What did Obama tell the DNC? We did the word salad arithmetic!
Former President Bill Clinton’s speech Wednesday to the Democratic Convention was long (48 minutes), complex and filled with facts and arithmetic — maybe too long and filled, although girth is as important as length according to the email we get here.
As a public service, therefore, and sanitized for your protection, we present the Pocho Ocho best lines from Clinton’s speech to the DNC:
8. In Hope, Arkansas, offshore banking deposits are at that glory hole down by Stonewall Creek.
7. Republican arithmetic makes as much sense to this old country boy as those Chinese hookers in Harlem!
6. Sandra Fluke: Call me maybe.
Mas…Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC
Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech.
Ex-Presidente BILL CLINTON spoke to the Democratic National Convention last night before heading out to a night of debauchery and cheeseburgers in Charlotte.
Sure, you might say he delivered a good defense of Barack Obama’s awful Presidency. But he filled the whole long rant with PINCHE BORING FACTS and even ARITHMETIC!
If you watch Fox News or listen to my man Rush, you know that facts will not get in my GUEY. You know that OBAMA IS THE MOST DIVISIVE PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME BECAUSE HE HAS DIVIDED THE RACISTS FROM THE NON-RACISTS.
Mas…@MexicanMitt on Bill Clinton: Well, that wasn’t a very good espeech
Bring back the world the way it was! Vote Dinosaur in 2012.
