Rage Against the Machine is 20 but many fans are still clueless

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Rage Against the Machine’s debut album turns 20 this week and their legacy is still shrouded in confusion and ignorance. Back in the day, the band stormed the mainstream scene with angry Chicano rock, only the mainstream never noticed the Chicano part.

Chicano rock? You mean Santana..?

What always strikes me about Rage is how little so many of their fans know about their music or message. Recent failed VP candidate Paul Ryan is the personification of that ignorance. He claimed that Rage is his favorite band. Rage’s guitarist, Tom Morello was outraged by this and replied that Ryan is part of the machine the band has been raging against the last 20 years.

Well, no shit! But how could Ryan be so confused…?

Mas…Rage Against the Machine is 20 but many fans are still clueless

Pocho Ocho things Senator John McCain still needs to know

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In the wake of the Benghazi attacks, Sen. John McCain still has “many many” unanswered questions. Even after a private meeting with U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice and acting CIA Director Michael Morell, McCain’s thirst for knowledge remains unquenched.

Here are the pocho ocho things he still needs to know:

8. Where is this Ben Ghazi fellow?
7. Who is responsible for this pudding?
6. Why hasn’t Ronald Reagan called me back?

Mas…Pocho Ocho things Senator John McCain still needs to know

Woman reunited with beloved childhood llama – llama indifferent

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(PNS reporting from PERU) Rosalin Llosa learned the hard way that absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder.

On a recent trip to her birthplace of Arequipa, Peru, Rosalin was reunited with her beloved childhood llama, Pepita. Though Rosalin raised the orphaned llama from infancy, the animal remained aloof to her presence.

“I thought she’d get all excited like in those YouTube videos,” Rosalin said, “but look at her just eating grass; she won’t even look up. Why won’t you look at me!? I LOVE YOU!”

Mas…Woman reunited with beloved childhood llama – llama indifferent

Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

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It’s coming — the End of the World As We Know it is just three weeks away — December 21 [CHECK OUR EXCLUSIVE MAYAN APOCALYPSE DOOMSDAY 2012 COUNTDOWN TIMER IN THE RIGHT COLUMN AND SYNCHRONIZE YOUR DEVICES.]

From the video:

The sun has been totally erupting with massive solar flares, dude, because the Earth and Jupiter are no longer in alignment, causing the Sun to fall inward on itself because there is less gravity pulling the Sun out, dig? Have you formulated emergency plans? It will be interesting to see what happens in the next 24 hours!

In China, Lu Zhenghai has been reading up on the upcoming Mayan Apocalypse Doomsday and he is totally prepared with his bitchin’ new self-constructed ark.

Mas…Mayan Apocalypse, solar flares (video), Chinese man builds ‘ark’

Marry a citizen, become a citizen at PendejoMatch.com (video)

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Sen. John Kyl, a Republican (surprise surprise!) from the Hate State of Arizona, is pleased to announce his online dating site for the young, undocumented and desperate.

Marry a citizen, become a citizen!

It’s just that easy with the “quick path to citizenship” from PendejoMatch.com.

Try Pendejo Match for free for 30 days or your money back! Just looking for love? Our sister site MojadoMingle.com is the place for you. Or maybe GueyDate.net.

Pocho Ocho key provisions of Republican ‘Dream Act Lite’

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They got a serious ass-whupping and they know it, so Republican “moderates” are crafting a “Dream Act Lite” to try to bridge the gap with Latinos.

Here are their Pocho Ocho key provisions:

8. Replace old slogan “No wet backs, no wet dreams” with something more encouraging.
7. Military service need not be completed to achieve citizenship if you are killed in line of duty.
6. You dropped some “anchor babies”? Can you sing “In the Navy”? We thought you could.

Mas…Pocho Ocho key provisions of Republican ‘Dream Act Lite’

Pocho Ocho Cyber Lunes gift tips are just a clika guey

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As long as the boss isn’t looking, today is the day when pochos all over America go holiday gift shopping on the Internets. If you’re not shopping at Lalo Alcaraz’s place, these Pocho Ocho gift tips (with links) will turn your Cyber Lunes from Mission Impossible to Cyber Espace Mission Accomplished:

8. Santa’s Helpers are cool, sure, but so last year! Nalgas Helpers are bringing sexy back (and backs) with their American-made line of butt thong bar stools. When the clear view is the rear view, click on over to order the furniture that will make your family room the “Best of Barrio” for 2012!

Mas…Pocho Ocho Cyber Lunes gift tips are just a clika guey

ZIC ZAZOU: ‘Habanera’ from Bizet’s ‘Carmen’ work shop style (video)

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French band ZIC ZAZOU plays the greatest hit from Georges Bizet‘s 1875 opera Carmen — Habanera — with stuff that’s lying around the shop. Now, you may ask yourself, “Do some people just have too much time on their hands?” And we say, “You don’t have time, you make time.” [EDITOR’S NOTE: Tell your friends about this video! Suggested email: ‘ZOMG it’s like OPERA and it’s rilly cool! See there’s like these old French guys…'”]

Ñewsweek: Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Señor Twinkie

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There were these Pilgrims, OK? They were like undocumented boat people refugees fleeing religious oppression in England and they drove all the way to America. Err, sailed over. And there they met these Noble Native Americans who taught them how to plant corn with fish and everyone had this amazing turkey dinner together because they were all thankful.

Later on they killed each other for discounts on flat screen TVs and the chance to bust unions and bankrupt Twinkies. What? You missed these headlines? Here are the week’s big estories, as POCHO once again breaks the ñews:

Mas…Ñewsweek: Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Señor Twinkie

A chemistry geeks’ guide to Thanksgiving food chemistry (video)

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Why do we eat mashed potatoes and not mashed paper towels? How does that turkey pop-up timer work? Belches? Farts? Join students at the Catholic University of America for this short lecture by Professor Diane Bunce. The 24-minute video is called Thanksgiving and Chemistry: What’s the connection?

Inspired by Snoop Lion? Mexico wants to change its name, too

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I was once reading a delightful conversation online between inbred racist trolls on their favorite punching bag, Mexico; they joked about making Mexico the “51st state.”

One idiot brilliantly observed that this genius plan might not work because “I think they have states, too.”

Wow. Yes, Mexico has 31 states, and one Federal District,  presumably where the Federales park their horses. (A little backwater ranchito called Mexico City.)

But Mexico, as it turns out, also doesn’t have the name “Mexico.”

On its independence from madre España in 1821, Mexico became the Estados Unidos Mexicanos or “Mexican United States.” It’s said that  this United States-like name inspired the also freedom-loving people south of the border, and the name became official in 1824.

Outgoing Mexican President Felipe Calderon just sent the Mexican Congress proposed legislation to change the country’s name officially to simply “Mexico.”

Mas…Inspired by Snoop Lion? Mexico wants to change its name, too

POCHO Estaff Reports: The Real Turkeys of Thanksgiving

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POCHO’s Especial Correspondents spread out across America yesterday observing Thanksgiving (just like normal people!) and sent in notes about their day. Some names were changed to avoid unpredictable results.  Read their stories and share your own in the comments!

Homeboy in East Los: My family’s so Mexican we carved the turkey with a switchblade ·IN MEMORY of SMILEY·

Dateline, Austin: MEChA cousin Xochiloctl is in the living room refusing to eat turkey and playing Call of Duty instead.

Nancy in Santana, the O.C.: That awkward moment when three-year-old Cousin Ricardo makes a big announcement that everybody better finish their plates because Mommy spent the whole day cooking the dog.

Mas…POCHO Estaff Reports: The Real Turkeys of Thanksgiving

So let it be written: Now I am become ‘Hispanic’

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In The Beginning: For 37 years I lived my life without realizing I was Hispanic.

A few days ago, while waiting for the bus, I overheard a conversation that changed my life. A gentleman was speaking Japanese with several ladies, and when they reverted to English, the ladies asked him, “Well if you’re not from Japan, what nationality are you?” He replied that he was from Brazil. This did not surprise me, as there are over 1.5 million Brazilians of Japanese descent.

His response did make me wonder, however, about how Americans define “Hispanic,” whether this gentleman would consider himself Hispanic, and whether he met the U.S. government’s definition(s) of Hispanic.

Mas…So let it be written: Now I am become ‘Hispanic’

Pocho Ocho tips for a successful if not safe and sane Black Friday

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It’s brutal out there, pochos — it’s cut or be cut to save $20 on an iPad. So as a public service we’ve compiled the Pocho Ocho best ways to make your Black Friday quest successful, if not totally safe and sane:

8. In the event store security confiscates your Mace®, pick up some Aqua Net™ on Aisle 3.

7. Shoppers who carry their own rolls of yellow “crime scene” warning tape can easily discourage other shoppers from entering the Home Entertainment Department.

6. Successful shoppers are well-equipped shoppers. Must-have items include snacks, a gas mask, body armor where available and a small knife (plus a newspaper to hide the knife.) Experienced shoppers only: Weaponized chanclas.

Mas…Pocho Ocho tips for a successful if not safe and sane Black Friday

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