Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Cinco de Mayo fruity virgin Micheladas for ju

Hola! Is Tia Lencha here.

tiacincoI going to help ju make a new drink for Cinco de Mayo. Is fruity and a virgin. Ju know, with no beers. Get jur mind out of the trash can, cochinos!

I think of the new drink when mijo ask me to taste my watermelons michelada. I think to myself, what if he like it? Will he want to drink beers? I don’t want him to be like mijo’s daddy who drink beers and fall asleep in the tub with his chonies wet with his own pee pee (thas urine for ju pochos). So I make mijo a drink, one that is virgin, and he taste it and he like it, and I taste it and I like it.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Cinco de Mayo fruity virgin Micheladas for ju

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mijo’s Manly Breakfast Burrito

The other day mijo say he gwanted a burrito for breakfast.

“OK,” I say, and I start to look for my refry beans.

“No,” mijo say. That is the burrito you make me gwhen I was little.”

“Ju don’t like it?” I say.

“I gwant somesing more like for a man.”

“A man?”

“Ju know, a man that goes to gwork and he has a burrito wrapped in aluminio.” (That’s aluminum foil for ju pochos).

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Mijo’s Manly Breakfast Burrito

From England: Chicken teriyaki tacos with pineapple salsa (video)


Looks pretty good, actually. A legit chicken teriyaki recipe, authentic pico de gallo/salsa made with grilled piña, and of course everything tastes better on a tortilla. We have three questions, though:

  1. Where did the rice come from?
  2. How can it be a “healthier” with a lettuce wrap instead of a tortilla? Corn tortillas are GLUTEN FREE, ENGLISH DUDE. Also, no tortilla, no taco.
  3. Wassup with the Christmas music soundtrack on a video uploaded March 27?

How-to Recipe Video: Korean pork belly bulgogi tacos with peanuts


Gabiekook shows us how to make Korean pork belly bulgogi tacos with peanuts. But first you need to answer her question: [[우리집에왜왔니?]] 국가비의 코리안 타코편 (Why did you come to my house?) Aside from the religious issues we have regarding wheat vs corn tortillas, the marinade and saucing stuff look muy rico! Oh, and nice mustache!

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Hot Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

salsainabowlI’m Elena Maria Celina Carrillo Martinez de los Angeles Delgadillo Trujillo…Lopez. But you can call me Lencha.

Today my son is in his room reading his Naruto muñequito books, so I can chare with you my special recipe for Valentime’s Day.

M’ijo don’t like it when I talk about sexy things because me and his daddy are divorce because his daddy like to stick his weene ebrywhere.

M’ijo usually checks my espelling but oh gwell. Since I have a little gwhile, I give you the recipe for Aphrodisiac Salsa.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Hot Sexy Aphrodisiac Valentine’s Day Salsa

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

jarosalsaHola. Is Tia Lencha here.

Ju want to give presens to eberyone on your Chrismas list or Chanukah or Kwanzaa or Reyes Magos or Chinese Year but ju are short on dinero? No worry! Tia Lencha is going to give ju recipe for to make the oven roast red salsa!

Is nice! Is a good gift for the peoples! And is easy! No like making mole for Turkey Day.

I make this salsa to give to my comadres and the lob it. They have little hearts in their eyes when they see my salsa. They eat with almost eberything. They say they fight their childrens and viejos to eat the last drops of it in the jar. Is that good. Oso, it don’t matter if the peoples are no Mexican. The peoples at my job are no Mexican and they ask me for the salsa.

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Roasted Red Chanukah Christmas Kwanzaa Salsa

Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Oh jes! Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

lenchatacosHappy Mexican Thanksgiving Day!

Is Tia Lencha here. Gwhat is Mexican Thanksgiving Day you ask? Is Thanksgiving but with all Mexican food. What?!?! My gringo frends say. Oh no! How you can do that! Is crazy! And Tia Lencha say, no really.

When I help mijo with his homeworks, I learn that Thanksgiving come from a Puritan holiday in Englands. When it was the Reformation the Protestantes wanted to throw away all the Catholic holidays, even Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny!

Mas…Tia Lencha’s Cocina: Oh jes! Thanksgiving turkey al pastor tacos

Ramen vegan tacos with wasabi mayo? Reply hazy try again (video)


Just a few easy ingredients and a strong stomach are all you need to make and enjoy these fantastic fusion vegan fandangos! Or not.

Start with a block of dried ramen noodles dipped in vegan egg-like goop, stew them in ramen juice, cut them into circles, fold them like tacos, then fill these little impersonators with fake chicken, bean sprouts, corn, cebollitas, wasabi (falso) mayonnaise. There you have it. Whatever.