Here are today’s top finance stories from the British Broadcasting Corporation.
taxes
Mitt Romney’s Cayman Islands hot tub house party (NSFW video)
Mitt is the MC with the moneh, byotch! (NSFW at all.)
We’re up to our ears in Mexicans, so ‘Maybe I’ll vote this year’ (video)
Maybe I’ll vote this year. Really, as long as I remember where the place is and I can get a space, and if, well, it depends what’s going on that day. After all, “we’re up to our ears in Mexicans!” (An epic musical production.)
H/T LAObserved.com.
Bain Capital’s Mal*Mart gives back to local communities (video)
This short educational video from Mal★Mart (a Bain Capital subsidiary) explains how the retail chain is a good neighbor, supporting local communities and creating jobs all across America — with a smile. The case study features Latina entrepreneur Maria Muñoz of Maria’s Flan.
Ferengi-Americans endorse Romney: ‘We totally admire his greed’
(PNS reporting from SALT LAKE CITY) Gov. Mitt Romney‘s Presidential campaign, which has little support outside its base of old, ignorant white people, picked up a key “ethnic” endorsement late Sunday as the Ferengi-American Political Action Committee (FAPAC) backed his White House bid.
“Frankly,” FAPAC Grand Nagus Ishka told a hastily-called press conference here, “he had us at ‘corporations are people, my friend’ but when we started matching up his beliefs with the Rules of Acquisition we knew he was our guy! We totally admire his greed.”
FAPAC released a photograph (above) of the group after a meeting with the candidate at the majestic Mormon Temple here and passed out a chart showing their similar philosophies:
Mas…Ferengi-Americans endorse Romney: ‘We totally admire his greed’
Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC
Former President Bill Clinton’s speech Wednesday to the Democratic Convention was long (48 minutes), complex and filled with facts and arithmetic — maybe too long and filled, although girth is as important as length according to the email we get here.
As a public service, therefore, and sanitized for your protection, we present the Pocho Ocho best lines from Clinton’s speech to the DNC:
8. In Hope, Arkansas, offshore banking deposits are at that glory hole down by Stonewall Creek.
7. Republican arithmetic makes as much sense to this old country boy as those Chinese hookers in Harlem!
6. Sandra Fluke: Call me maybe.
Mas…Bill Clinton’s Pocho Ocho best lines in his speech to the DNC
New music from @MexicanMitt Romney: ‘The Juan Percent’ (video)
Popular and controversial Twitter character and POCHO contributor MexicanMitt Romney sings for himself in this post-Republican Convention lament, a new song to mark his release from Twitterham Jail. It’s called The Juan Percent. Co-starring Rafalca Romney and Pollo Ryan.
Ñewsweek: Driving while fluffy, yo quiero taxes, Pro Tips for Latinos
The Hate State of Arizona retained its leading position as the most anti-Latino state in the country as the witchy bitchy governor, Jan Brewer, decided that DREAMERS who apply for Deferred Action should be denied state service like drivers’ licenses.
Also in Arizona, husky humorist Gabriel Iglesias’ tour bus got pulled over for a papers check. In Texas, a humble farmworker released his income tax returns and asked GOP nominee wannabe Mitt Romney to do the same and POCHO offered Pro Tips for Latinos working in The Office.
These were the stories that broke the ñews this week:
Mas…Ñewsweek: Driving while fluffy, yo quiero taxes, Pro Tips for Latinos
Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’
(PNS reporting from EL PASO) Early this morning, area farmworker Celestino Sepúlveda made five years of his tax returns public.
Holding faded copies of his 1040EZ from tax years 2007 to 2011, Sepúlveda told reporters, “Quiero ser un ejemplo para Romney” (I want to be an example for Romney) by publicly revealing his Federal returns.
At a press conference held at 3AM scheduled to accommodate his need to obtain agricultural day work from farm labor contractors, who start recruiting at 3:30, Sepúlveda explained.
“I have nothing to hide about the way I earn my money, because I earned it through honest work,” said the 37-year-old native of Jalpa, Zacatecas, standing with several other farmworkers on the corner of Paisano and Oregon Streets. (A family photo, above, shows him harvesting cucumbers.)
Fellow farmworker Pepe Martínez agreed. “Sí, una persona humilde como mi compadre lo hizo, ¿porqué no El Romney?”
Mas…Farmworker releases tax returns and asks ‘Where are Romney’s?’
Remember ‘Obama Girl’? Check out ‘Romney Girl’! (music video)
She’s sweet, she’s sassy and she especially digs dudes with huge offshore holdings, if you know what I mean! Meet Romney Girl!
Pocho Ocho reasons Mitt Romney is hiding his tax returns
8. In 2001 he took a huge tax loss after a franchise scheme called Illegals Я Us failed.
7. In 2006 he sought medical reimbursement for malaria contracted after swimming in a giant pool of money.
6. In 2009 he claimed his Cayman Islands bank account as a dependent.
Mas…Pocho Ocho reasons Mitt Romney is hiding his tax returns
Dear Dr. Danilo Dinero: What should I do with this large cash settlement?
Dear Dr. Danilo Dinero:
I recently received a large cash settlement (six figures) after my Geo Metro was totalled at Melrose and La Cienega by Kim Kardashian’s shoe concierge.
After I pay off the remaining bills, I’ll have $100K in cash. What should I do with the money?
A Man Named Jed
Dear Jed:
Thank you for your over-written, obviously fake letter. Are you perchance referring to the Geo Metro with the new rims? Or am I just throwing in gratuitous links for SEO porpoises? (Whales, dolphins, sea lions, seals, baby seals.)
The real question is where do you, Mr. Nouveau Riche Jed, or whatever your name is, feel most comfortable on Dr. Dinero’s Pyramid of Risk and Reward.™
Can you handle the risk of losing everything or do you want safety even though it nets you less? In these tricky economic times, safety is the obvious choice. The riskier investments — higher on the pyramid — can pay off the most but they come with maximum probability of loss.
Mas…Dear Dr. Danilo Dinero: What should I do with this large cash settlement?